Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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cracked does this to me

5 Terrifying Trends Currently Overtaking Etsy - fine, I want the murderducklings like you have no idea. It's a perfect storm of everything--and I do mean everything--wrong making itself right by sheer audacity.

Etsy always makes me feel really really lazy. I'm not creating cat (or dog, rabbit, guinea pig) felt for whimsical purses, nor learning the art of taxidermy so one day a historian will cite my work as an example of twenty-first century nightmare art with learned psychologists explaining how humans back then were murderpaths. I don't crochet anything from human hair or cover jars with cadaver skin or in any way risk showing up on a watchlist for future Law and Order ripped from the headlines eps (and I resent this like a lot). Etsy is elite, and when I crochet or knit, it's with yarn that came from a big box store, because I'm a sellout.

I could totally knit sweaters from yarn carded from all the hair I find (is on people's heads okay if it's really cool hair? Yes?) and create the perfect allergy murdersweater that will kill anyone who wears it (dyed with my own freely-shed blood on the new moon, of course). Epi pens come free with any order over $500. Sign up early and you can send me the fur/hair/wool to do it with, no questions asked (please remove excess flesh via boiling first?).

I think there's a market here.

(It's freaking 32 in Texas and I no longer recognize the feeling of warmth. What does the sun look like? Does anyone remember?)

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