Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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i have no idea why i actually read this

I'm also not sure I'm glad I did.

I Want to Clone Your Hand: Strange Effort to Clone John Lennon Moves Forward - man with John Lennon tooth send it to lab to see if viable DNA can be extracted to clone John Lennon.

In general, I don't judge people's hobbies. If you're into collecting teeth from deceased musical superstars, go for it. If you're interested in cloning, more power to you. If you have some strange thing for finding out if teeth have extractable DNA, awesome. I don't, however, feel that these three hobbies should at any time belong to one person, because the end result is a major sci-fi plotline for a reason (hint: rarely ends well. For anyone).

This lined up with cracked's 5 Billionaires Who Are Making Awesome Sci-Fi Come True, with the very first article about Dmitry Itskov, who is currently in a terrifyingly detailed and uncomfortably timelined effort to make all our William Gibson dreams (read: nightmares) come true; to wit, make us all robots. Not just the rich, either; he's altruistic in making sci-fi horror a reality.

Very soon you will stare into the soulless eyes of your robotic self who knows neither compassion nor mercy (nor in my case, dress sense, which means I'll be killed by someone wearing a olive green hoodie with a purple t-shirt, God), and also knows all the places you would hide and the soundtrack you would like for your funeral so they can play it while slaying you to become the One True [Enter Your Name Here]. Or--far worse--they take over your online identity and start posting and since they don't need sleep or food or fresh air (I'm working on this), are better at you than you are and after a protracted battle for your identity (using a common cold plus a virus and then maybe a machete and an EMP weapon of some kind you built in your bedroom while they finish up their Dean/Castiel epic in front of you to tons of feedback, the fucker, that's it, this is sledgehammer time) you come back, everyone's terrible at hiding their disappointment and all your friends unfriend you quietly and it's just not going to work, and also, I need to buy a sledgehammer. That timeline doesn't give me a lot of time to work with here, and I'm not sure how to build an EMP weapon. Are there blueprints for that anywhere? With instructions?

God. It's like, when I think about what I have to worry about generally (global warming, social justice, weird looking toenail, why is my hair like this, alien invasion, dolphin conquest, nutella existing, SNAKE OH GOD RIGHT THERE, wait, that's a leaf, uh, life stuff blah blah blah), I honestly think there should be a limit, and I don't have time (or a how-to on pulse rifle building for killing your robotic clone) to put this one on my list.

Couldn't he make robotic ponies for everyone? Robotic. Ponies. For. Everyone. Dude, I'd be all over that. Why are no billionaires making us robotic ponies? Though granted, having said that, it just occurred to me how very terrifying that would end up in certain hands that will not be named but start with 'b' and end in 'onie' and if plural, 's'.

It's like there's nothing good in the world.

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Tags: crosspost, random
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