Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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could i call this allegorical?

I feel I should be clear that I in fact do support Your Kink Is Okay as a fandom and social movement as it strives to make us all better at a.) accepting other people's kinks or b.) flocking and filtering the hell out of our secret horror, y'know, whichever, it's only provable hypocrisy if someone sees it who doesn't agree with you. I approve of this.

But I realize now there are what we might call drawbacks when you are unashamed about your particular kink(s); before, due to, well, shame, you didn't actively seek it out, or at least you were kind of crappy at it because every so often you'd have to see the keywords you typed into google and/or an archive full text search and close the browser abruptly in terror, and while secretly you thought there was nothing wrong with it, you could also convince yourself that the reason there was so little of it was twofold:

1.) you weren't looking due to shame (false, google history doesn't lie)
2.) shame is what kept people from writing the shit out of it (oh God, false)

Two is going to kill you. Because as you may find out, you now proudly surf the kinkmemes of the world and realize either internalized shame is a real problem and:

a.) sulk
b.) rant in your journal (recommended!)

Or realize, hey, perhaps it's just this is rather specialized, and now that you're unashamed, your appetite wetted, and there is nothing out there, which what the hell, people, free your mind or something.

This is in some ways worse when all your kinks are very to fairly common, which is Yay! but not so much together, and not that this happened to me or anything, you are surfing along and suddenly The Fic of Five Common Yet Strangely Rarely Combined Kinks (FCYSRCK for short) appears, like a miracle, and you realize you were wrong, it's out there, and this is a sign that the world is a better place, and thank God that entire shame thing ended.

You may forget, however, to read the warnings, which--to put it bluntly, if you need to add extra warnings to a FCYSRCK, read the fuck out of those first because you might say--hypothetically--each of those very common yet rarely combined kinks qualify as a warning in themselves, so when the warnings are a paragraph long in addition to the tags blazing unshamefully across livejournal, I feel that's something that one should pay attention to, because seriously, a paragraph of warnings on FCYSRCK.

Let's say one did not do that, and the FCYSRCK proceeds along apace until you are blindsided by one of those ignored missing warnings. Which you stop there and backbutton forever--lie, it's FCYSRCK and it may be the only one in creation, so you deal, and also, let's face it, the author definitely surprised you with that one, and it doesn't occur to you that surprises are bad and also, this has two parts and you haven't finished part 1 and yet again, when you weren't looking at the header, the number of lines for warnings was greater than or equal to six in what seemed to be very small print.

You also still completely neglect to read the warnings, even though you realize you should, because at this point, you want to be able to work with plausible deniability--you had no idea!--and not that you were just that goddamn desperate.

You will later go back and look numbly at the warnings that spelled out all the reasons you will never sleep again, in your life, or look at existence the same way, then check them off as reasons nothing will ever surprise you again, or that could be the fact you have burned out your finer feelings during part 2, which you remember in a series of perfect flashes that narrate a kind of wistfulness for the days you were ashamed, because wow, what the hell was that.

So how was everyone else's weekend?

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Tags: crosspost, meta: fanfic
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