The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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i like wednesdays
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
For very irritating personal reasons that do not need to be explored at this juncture--or possibly ever--I ended my self-imposed ban on Supernatural and started where I left off in season four, which amounts to watching the entirety of season four and the beginning of season five in less than forty-eight hours. Even for my media consumption habits, that's like, a lot, and I feel as if I should like, be slouched in some kind of bean bag chair talking about the colors man. The colors.

I also didn't realize fanfic really understated a few things.

In other news, Child got the first of his three HPV shots and whined like he'd been beaten with sticks that his hip hurt while I stared into eyes that are exactly level with mine, because that shit only works when you aren't officially 5'9", except when seconds later you lose control of your limbs and fall over your feet, at which time fine, I shouldn't have laughed that hard.

My medication was adjusted again and I have an appointment in two months to check again, which may be a warning that Thyroid Bill (ie, my thyroid, new name!) may either not be long for this world or is at least going to embrace sloth as a lifestyle choice more and more.

That reminded me of the debate ongoing between using Temporarily Abled or Currently Abled for the able bodied that pops up every so often; sitting in the doctor's office after the last couple of months of slowly growing lethargy that took off like whoa a few weeks ago to the point where it would take hours to completely wake up even after I got up and went to work, constantly starving and constantly freezing and sixteen hours of sleep didn't ever seem to even touch the huge well of exhaustion made me think my stance on CAB as a working term. Hypothyroidism isn't disabling at all until it is, and even knowing the signs to look for, it still took me literal months to really believe this shit was happening again, that my body lost that little skirmish and I lost a tiny bit of functionality that seems so stupid because it's so small a thing, but it touches everything; how I sleep, how I eat, how I work, how I interact, how I feel, my ability to think. I really should have sat down and played sudoku a month ago; when my speed drops and I can't hold the numbers in my head, it's time to visit the doctor.

Links!

From comments in a recent sf_d post, The Itch, Its mysterious power may be a clue to a new theory about brains and bodies. - advisory for about half of paragraph of very mild squick on page two.

The account of perception that’s starting to emerge is what we might call the “brain’s best guess” theory of perception: perception is the brain’s best guess about what is happening in the outside world. The mind integrates scattered, weak, rudimentary signals from a variety of sensory channels, information from past experiences, and hard-wired processes, and produces a sensory experience full of brain-provided color, sound, texture, and meaning. We see a friendly yellow Labrador bounding behind a picket fence not because that is the transmission we receive but because this is the perception our weaver-brain assembles as its best hypothesis of what is out there from the slivers of information we get. Perception is inference.


I'd not sure how to summarize this; using several accounts, they put together an intriguing theory that may cover problems as diverse as phantom limbs and obsessive scratching as a problem not with nerves or a mental illness, but a misfire in interpretation of sensory data. I need to research this more.

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Hypothyroidism isn't disabling at all until it is

THIS! I may print it out and shove it my damn dr's face when I go back in about 6 weeks or so for blood draw to check my levels now that I'm finally on the proper medication.

It really pisses me off that it took THIS DAMN LONG to get a doctor to listen to me and not go "Oh you need more exercise/a B12 vitamin/a multivitamin/whatever."

Stupid doctors..is it any wonder I don't trust them?

Totally with you. *hugs*

I copied exactly that line to THIS!!!

I think it took 8 years of increasing issues until I finally got treatment.

Dear God, I got incredibly lucky with my doctor. He sent me to labs almost before I finished kind of dancing around the point, because seriously, I had no idea how to explain everything and not sound dumb.

I kept getting tested and ending up on the lowest end of normal. It wasn't until I was just under normal (TSH 5.x) that my doctor said, "well, we could wait six months and test again..." And I replied, "How about we treat me for 6 months and see how much better I feel?" Got the TSH below 2 and I had energy I hadn't had in almost 10 years.

Low normal isn't good enough sometimes!

I'd been feeling horrible for at least a decade and the dr's always tried to tell me it wasn't my thyroid.

"Oh you're PREGNANT...that's why you're so tired all the time."--if my thyroid is fucked, it's lucky my kid didn't end up with cretinism, which I've heard can happen if your thyroid is fucked/untreated during pregnancy.

"Oh you're a new mom and you're working 40-50 hrs a week. THAT"S why you're tired." was the excuse I got a few months post-birth.

I got so sick of hearing I needed to lose weight/exercise more/take vitamens I finally quit bringing it up. I was shocked when my dr decided I needed a check on my levels at my last appt but not shocked at all when they called back a few days later and said "Yeah. It's your thyroid."
It was like HELLO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

Your summary about perception and how the brain processes input data is exactly MY theory about my fibromyalgia. I'm just sitting there, different parts of my body in agony, and there's NOTHING THERE. My brain is lying to me re sensory input, but that doesn't mean it's not "real."

Also, yeah. Supernatural and the damned palette. All of S4 is blue/red/green, from the coffin in 4x1 to the church in 4x22. S5 is red/green/gold (no spoilers LOL).

My VVC class on color never leaves me. Ever. *g*

Your summary about perception and how the brain processes input data is exactly MY theory about my fibromyalgia. I'm just sitting there, different parts of my body in agony, and there's NOTHING THERE. My brain is lying to me re sensory input, but that doesn't mean it's not "real."

It makes huge amounts of sense when I think of the pink-red-orange problem, how people identify colors differently; our brain gets data it interprets into the reality we experience. And considering some of the research on people who are blind but still unconsciously react to visual stimulus, or still have leftover visuals they experience as sight even though they really aren't seeing everything, or phantom limb; of course there are going to be system problems. The bit about the 'best guess' and numb mouth hit me hardest; I never could work out why I was numb and couldn't feel my own fingertips, but I still coudl recognize my mouth, just like when I had an epidural and even though I couldnt' feel my legs, I knew they were still there. It's just amazing.

Your summary about perception and how the brain processes input data is exactly MY theory about my fibromyalgia. I'm just sitting there, different parts of my body in agony, and there's NOTHING THERE. My brain is lying to me re sensory input, but that doesn't mean it's not "real."

Did you happen to read the bit where they were talking about the brain basically using teh equivalent of reboot in last known state when it loses access? I liked how they talked about treatment in terms of not treating the person liek they're imagining it, but recognizing that the treatment has to actually tell the brain itself and dude, that completely changes everything.


I had read thru the article earlier today, and this stuck out at me:

So we get frustrated. “There’s nothing wrong,” we’ll insist. And, the next thing you know, we’re treating the driver instead of the problem. We prescribe tranquillizers, antidepressants, escalating doses of narcotics. And the drugs often do make it easier for people to ignore the sensors, even if they are wired right into the brain.

This is what happened to me, and I believe--this is purely personal--that my cancer diagnosis shook my brain up. I stopped all of the mood-altering pharmaceuticals at that point, and, even though I still suffer fibromyalgic pain, it doesn't seem to be half as horrible was it was pre-surgery.

What did seem so clear to me upon reading that article was that things aren't as we think they are: they are as we think we think they are. A great life lesson, IMO. The bit about using the mirror to combat issues with phantom limbs--I'm wondering how I could utilize that sort of idea with creativity and creative blocks. I'll get back to you. LOL

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