Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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x-men first class: i say this with love

It's just, okay, see, Erik. And People Skills. Which he, let's all admit it, lacks.

This is one of those times that Erik's life of desperate revenge needed remedial classes in People: How To Recruit to the Dark Side wisely. Because I want to say, when I think Darth Vader could have given you better tips--think about that one--you are doing it wrong.

Good Times to Recruit: when missiles are bearing down on you, when the inevitability of death by human is, um, inevitable, right before, during, or after a truly spectacular orgasm, while sharing tender, life-altering memories of your mother.

Bad Times to Recruit: when one is cradling the recruitee who you just recently tortured by forcing him to endure being stuck in Shaw's body while you killed him, really slowly and gruesomely, with a coin (I know you were wearing the helmet and everything, but the audience watched and let me tell you, Charles was not really taking that death-by-proxy thing well at all, what with the screaming and sobbing and intense horror and pain), and then deflected a bullet into his back that will leave him paralyzed. (Note: he wasn't even bitching about the death thing once the missile business started. YOU WERE IN. JESUS.)

Erik, I am with you, okay? The movie was all about showing the One Right Way doesnt' necessarily exist, and you had sympathy on your side; God knows, I am there. I am saying, better idea--don't leave the recently-shot failed recruitee alone on the beach to find out he's paralyzed. Take him to a hospital.

It's like you never read a goddamn romance novel in your life. HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF H/C? ARE YOU HIGH?

Just, okay, I get your people skills aren't up there with legend, but I'm going to share a secret; Charles was a pretty sure thing. Future note: when one is recruiting, a.) less rhetoric, more concern for their spinal cord and b.) choose your battlefield.

P.S. Also not helpful? Running off with his sister. Just. Go watch the Star Wars trilogy (when it is released in a few years) for some helpful tips on What To Do When Your Recruitee Is Stubborn (hint: lightning is also not useful. In fact, if Darth Vader or the Emperor does it, just write it down as Do Not Do. This will help. Promise).

This has been a message from the side of the force who thinks Erik and Charles' Zany Adventures Taking Over the World would be the greatest thing ever.

I have a seven page essay on the movie I haven't finished so far. Yeah. I--find it weird.

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Tags: crosspost, fandom, fandom: x-men first class
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