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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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koi is a beacon, a lighthouse if you will...
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
And there's this entire poem that goes along with this lighthouse/Alexandrian/beacon/candle theme, but I slept through the entire poetry section of lit class. I deal with this in my own strange ways.

But. Read koimistress's thoughts on the friending thing and etiquette and--we have etiquette? I mean, besides the Unwritten Rules that really should be written, like Thou Shall Not Post Friendslocked Posts in Public and--okay, that's the only one I can think of, but I'm sure there are others.

And did I spell etiquette right? It looks wrong with a double t at the beginning.

Actually, I had an icky flashback to when we had that meme about "why did you friend me" which totally freaked me out on several levels, since I realized *I have no idea*, besides saying, hey, something you said was super cool or we share a fandom and you're actually one of those rare animals, a GOOD writer, or man, your meta rocks. I mean, those are currently my Three Reasons. I mean, personal friendships aside, that's the obvious one, but so far, all of my friends also happen to fall into those categories too. Clever devils.

But. I'm going to save myself some serious stress now for when the next time this meme comes around and list off why I friended say--the last ten people I friended. If I can remember. In no order, I'm going by memory here.

Hmm.

Okay, starting now.



kathb -- okay, see, I didn't know you weren't on my friendslist until I was zooming through and noted, huh. But you WERE and then somehow, you vanished, and I have no real idea how that happened unless it was during this short purge I did of dead LJs, but that was really, really weird. And oddly, several people vanished at some point between late July and now, and I still don't know if I was on crack or if I had reasons, and if I *did* have reasons, I have no *idea* what they were. But it's weird. Very, very weird.

sparkledark -- because jaymalea goes, you HAVE to read this! It's QaF! And it doesn't suck! Which is like catnip, kay? And I was *so* happy, because that entire not sucking thing was a total understatement, and then there was Maps and Legends, and then you also meta funly and yay! Happy. Very, very happy. Think dancing, but try not to imagine me doing it, because I suck at it. There we go.

sisabet -- It was the vids, but because I'm compulsive about reading ten entries back on any LJ I friend, I got all fascinated with your LJ, and then came Brian being like Jesus, which was right, after I friended you, but still, I have to mention that because it just rocks the world so very much.

valerie_z -- I think the sheer brilliance of Wild Fantasies just sucked me in, but I'm not sure if I friended you RIGHT before that based on what I was skimming in your LJ while perusing other people's friendslist in a desperate bid to end boredom or right after. But I really, really enjoy reading your LJ in general. I'm all about the fic, but I'm really also all about the 'ooh, smart person, must read', which is really so much fun. Shiny, even.

josselin -- First, you made it *so* easy by commenting in my LJ, so I could just RUSH over and get all excited. It was the ficness that sucked me in. Okay, I admit it, I was all, wow, on the desert flats of LJ, QaF fic! Yay! As I was tired of going through archives and desperately missed an active fandom presence in my LJ on my fandom of choice. But yeah. Also, you comment frequently and I find you very, very funny. Very endearing.

soundczech -- Ficness! Happiness! Again, flat deserts, jenn looking for QaF watery-stuff, and boom, there you were. Luckily, not a mirage, and also, good and funny. And you comment, which is of the good.

velena -- this would be because I backtracked to find out who wrote that lovely story Regression, and then your LJ seemed active and fun to watch, so I wanted to follow along and see what was going on there.

shayllla -- again, ficness, because I am pretty much a whore for the pretty. But what *really* did the thing, besides that, was that we share TWO fandoms, which is oh so damn cool. And it's SV, which is who I am cheating on so spectacularly right now. I should feel guilty, but I don't. Heh.

mintwitch -- because sisabet I think was the one who was talking about the wonderfulness and I'm very, very suggestible, and also, because she was right. I'm still reading back through entries.

blaurosen -- because you cowrote Maps and Legends, and because your LJ is cool to play in and I'm still making time to backtrack through your entries to see what's up there.

You know, just for a thought, reading over this, I sound a lot like a stalker. But keep in mind, I'm a *harmless* stalker. I do it for the entertainment value. And the fic. And the pretty. And--yeah. Hmm.

I'm going to stop now before a mass defriending starts.


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It's just hard to keep track of everyone on FLists.

*shruggs* I mean, my LJ's a nice quiet corner of fandom, and my FList is only about 50 people long. But still, it bugs me that half of the people I can't remember why I friended, and there's at least 10 that I just don't know. I honestly barely know anything about them and have no idea why I friended them.

Of course, on the other hand, I think the length of your FList is more a direct response to the amount of time you spend online than anything else. If you have a lot of spare time, if you tend to hang on LJ a lot, than you have more energy and time time to read many different LJ's. If like me, you really don't, and you try to fit in fic rading and writing as well, there's no point having a long list that you know you're just going to skip every day.

But still, it bugs me that half of the people I can't remember why I friended, and there's at least 10 that I just don't know. I honestly barely know anything about them and have no idea why I friended them.

*nod* I have the same problem. I mean, some I friend simply for their fic--it's a very convenient way to check out if they've updated recently. And some because they meta well and I try to keep up with that.

Of course, on the other hand, I think the length of your FList is more a direct response to the amount of time you spend online than anything else. If you have a lot of spare time, if you tend to hang on LJ a lot, than you have more energy and time time to read many different LJ's. If like me, you really don't, and you try to fit in fic rading and writing as well, there's no point having a long list that you know you're just going to skip every day.

Yeesss....for me, sort of.

In July and August, I did a major purge of my list, since I'd felt disconnected from LJ and decided that I'd cut it down, and I wasn't active online anyway. Which ended up being a mistake of a kind, since I ended up unfriending people I had no intention of unfriending and--yeah.

I hate doing it. I just hate it. Even though I know most people wouldn't take it personally, every time, I know someone's feelings are badly hurt, and I want to say, it's not personal, when I have more time, IF I ever have more time, I'll add you back, but right now, I'm going minimalist. Even with the list I have now, I'm only reading regularly about fifty of the LJs and leave the rest to skim on weekends, which obscurely makes me feel even more guilty.

And God, how the hell do I PICK? It's just not worth the effort.

Seriously, I have the weirdest guilt issues on this subject. *sighs* But on the bright side, if I keep up like *this*, the next meme about friending? I am SO totally ready for. *grins*

But on the bright side, if I keep up like *this*, the next meme about friending? I am SO totally ready for

*laughs* Very true.

Even with the list I have now, I'm only reading regularly about fifty of the LJs and leave the rest to skim on weekends, which obscurely makes me feel even more guilty.

I get it. LJ makes you feel guilty very easily. Personally, I tend to feel guilty when people friend me and I don't friend back. I mean, yeah, everyone knows LJ says you're under no obligation, but there is a strong guilt factor there. (With a social group like fen, that are spread over countries and timezones, snubbing and guilt-trips is the most effective way of making everyone play nice. I get why fandom makes peple guilty, I just don't like it.)

Generally, if I don't friend you back? It's because you're not in my fandoms, you talk a great deal about your personal life which I know nothing about, I don't quite get your sense of humour, or the other big one, you don't use correct capitals and punctuation.

(I'm weirdly anal about this last one. The lack of capitals bugs me, really bugs me. (Almost as much as people who post without leaving an extra line between their paragraphs.) Of my entire FList, there are only two people who get an exception from this strict capitalisation rule. Both are highly talented authors that I love to read and people that I find interesting. However, one has only stopped using her shift key within the last month, and the other has only been added a few days ago (before that I was too wary of the non-capitals thing, and was just checking her LJ regularly), so if it does start to drive me batty, I will unfriend them, with a little note to let them know why. *shruggs* Yeah, well, everyone in fandom has Issues about something.)

I can't help thinking that LJ would be easier if other people couldn't see who had friended them. I know it sounds weird, but it people couldn't publicly see the listing of your FList, and if your LJ Friends management page just showed who you'd friended, it would work. People wouldn't get bent out of shape about being dropped or picked up on a list (which is basically about convenicence of reading several different sites, not about how much you personally like the person) if it wasn't so obviously drawn to their attention.

Sure, you'd probably still have people who worked themselves up into a knot about it and compulsively checked everyone's friends page, but those are the people who'll always find some reason to announce a vendetta against other fen.

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It also sounds faintly dirty in a classy way, doncha think? Like something you'd say at a cocktail party with really expensive yet tiny glasses of watered down martini.

"Yes, I'm a connosieur of the entire Angel phenomenon myself in current media, Ms Shayllla. And you?"

"I consider myself polyfandom, really. Have you tried the canapes?"

Mmm. Canapes. *hungry*

Also, I wonder what the chances are I can use that word in a normal conversation. I need to write it down and carry it around just in case.

I think we all are harmless stalkers--it's kind of the nature of livejournal. I'm definitely a stalker. There were people's journals (including yours) that I checked religiously every day for like a year without ever saying anything before I finally got my own journal and sort of jumped into the pond.

*giggles* LJ, before I actually started using it regularly, just scared the bejeezus out of me. Instant reading! All those people! My diaryland diary was so much easier--private in a bizarre kind of way. But you know, not.

Heh.

With the friending thing, I was just all lonely as far as QaF went, because all my friends were leftover from the Buffy era. So I went looking for cool QaF people, and found you. :)

What's the point of LJ if not to bore people with my comments?

*nods* I had a combination of SV and multifandom people, which was, you know, great, except not ONE of them (except Destina and Bethy) understood the Great Rightness of B/J, which was, in a word, depressing.

But yah! People appeared! And made me intensely happy.

*giggle*

I'm talking to a friend on messenger, and she just goes, "Dude, you got feedback from Jenn!" and got all jealous because apparently you're all big in the Wolverine/Rogue fic arena and she wants to have your babies.

How anyone can't understand the Eternal Love of Brian and Justin is beyond me. Do these people not have SOULS?

Looking at my friends list is weird at this point -- I'm dabbling in so many places that I've got Everwood fen, HP people, real life (and RL Fandom) friends, and the last survivors of my days in Smallville. It's like a little history right there on my user info page.

But I find now that I'm more into LJ for the little bits of fun that people post. And that's mostly non-fandom related. Meta makes my brain hurt as a rule, I have major fic issues, but snarking on parking sitches or weather, or the asshat down the hall? Yeah, that I love.

So I end up not having huge issues with defriending people, because I'm a callow bitch. But I'm also paranoid and insecure enough to wonder why in hell half the people that have friended me are still hanging around. Again, because it's all about ME!

Yeah, so that's a peak from the other side of the spectrum.

But I find now that I'm more into LJ for the little bits of fun that people post. And that's mostly non-fandom related. Meta makes my brain hurt as a rule, I have major fic issues, but snarking on parking sitches or weather, or the asshat down the hall? Yeah, that I love.

I've really gotten to love the mix since I got to know the people in LJ better--fandom and personal and fanfic and everything else, like a giant potluck of sheer joy. It's nice, it breaks monotony when I'm not in the mood for fandom, and it's kind of comforting to see the normality of daily life mixed in with online life like this.

*grins* I could have sworn you'd fall for OC, though.

Oh, I'm all for the OC, just not writing for it. Well, not writing for much of anything these days either. *g*

Don't worry about it. I'm glad to be back. Thank you. :) I just figured you were pruning your friends list (as it's huge) and I was going through a boring period or something.

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