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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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if wishes were horses, i'd just need one horse.
children of dune - leto 1
I need to...vent. But I have a feeling that if I start now, it won't stop until the end of time and creation. And yet.

1.) A new job opened in my unit. It's a promotion. I have seniority and experience and I should definitely be in the running if not get it altogether and I know I won't be. And yet I will still humiliate myself by applying. Because that's fun for me.

2.) For the next big build, I was only assigned two program modifications to plan and am assisting on another one in planning. I have a few less tests. One of the mods is tiny. The second mod I'm planning and the one I'm assisting on are the same thing and massively huge. But I don't know if the size justifies the fewer tests or if they're like, cutting my workload which only sounds nice until you realize it's because they think you're incompetent. Which--I have no idea. I mean, I can't tell. The alchemy of the assignment list is a mystery to me.

3.) At some point, I lost patience with paranoid girlfriends and paranoid boyfriends and paranoid SOs. I am not interested in your boyfriend, brother, sister, or SO; tbh, I cannot remember their names. I just like to talk to them on break. I am not a supermodel and honest to God, I barely qualify as not a visual atrocity most days. What. The. Fuck?

Seriously, my life is a fucking flashback to not being picked for kickball every goddamn day. It's like being a metaphorical leper. And it's not like I am famous for having rock-solid self-esteem or like, confidence, so fuck everything.

4. - 6.) Family (not Child; Child continues to be awesome and evil)

You know, vacation may not be a good thing for me; I come back in a fantastic mood, refreshed and ready to go and then...this. I suspect--just a bit--that I kind of fail at life. This is not, I think, a new thing.

If you were wondering why I am posting less? Yeah. This is why.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/82946.html. | You can reply here or there. | comments

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Here's to less stress and more fun

You deserve that job, and I hope that somehow you end up getting it.

Family. OMFG. Yeah. They can really do it to you. So sorry.

*big big hugs*

Do they think you incompetent or just because you aren't an ass kisser?
Sorry work isn't better. :(

From what you talk about here, there is no way on this green earth that you can be called or even considered incompetent. Screw 'em! You are awesome!

I hope you get the job!! I'm so sorry work is sucking right now, hopefully it will get better.


Fuck everything, indeed. I feel kind of the same way regarding vacation - coming back to reality is such a letdown after feeling great and refreshed. :-/

*hug hug*

[hugs you so tightly]

And for the record? I think you're a supermodel. :)

Hugs hugs hugs many many hugs.

I feel like there ought to be some kind of HULK SMASH twitter stream for messy lives, like Feminist Hulk, but instead, like COWORKER HULK.


If taking an evening out away from family and work will help, let me know!

I have homemade Irish Creme and look! an extra jug. ::hands over::

You know, this is awful, this is SUCK but in a strange way, it also made me feel a bit comforted because I get this shit at work, too; have been getting it for 15 years, bleurgh, see unqualified morons promoted to insane positions specially created for them and watch them fuck up entire departments; inadvertently find out that people who are junior and hired 1 year ago earn much more than I do and generally note a glass ceiling for women operate everywhere. Meh.

I keep telling myself: I'm employed! That's the bottom line!


Hey! I got promoted to a position created especially for me!

... and by giving me more days work in my contract, they put me on a lower daily rate than not just my (senior-but-sort-of-equal) collegues, but also the guys I was supervising. Fun, huh?

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