The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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if wishes were horses, i'd just need one horse.
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
I need to...vent. But I have a feeling that if I start now, it won't stop until the end of time and creation. And yet.



1.) A new job opened in my unit. It's a promotion. I have seniority and experience and I should definitely be in the running if not get it altogether and I know I won't be. And yet I will still humiliate myself by applying. Because that's fun for me.

2.) For the next big build, I was only assigned two program modifications to plan and am assisting on another one in planning. I have a few less tests. One of the mods is tiny. The second mod I'm planning and the one I'm assisting on are the same thing and massively huge. But I don't know if the size justifies the fewer tests or if they're like, cutting my workload which only sounds nice until you realize it's because they think you're incompetent. Which--I have no idea. I mean, I can't tell. The alchemy of the assignment list is a mystery to me.

3.) At some point, I lost patience with paranoid girlfriends and paranoid boyfriends and paranoid SOs. I am not interested in your boyfriend, brother, sister, or SO; tbh, I cannot remember their names. I just like to talk to them on break. I am not a supermodel and honest to God, I barely qualify as not a visual atrocity most days. What. The. Fuck?

Seriously, my life is a fucking flashback to not being picked for kickball every goddamn day. It's like being a metaphorical leper. And it's not like I am famous for having rock-solid self-esteem or like, confidence, so fuck everything.

4. - 6.) Family (not Child; Child continues to be awesome and evil)

You know, vacation may not be a good thing for me; I come back in a fantastic mood, refreshed and ready to go and then...this. I suspect--just a bit--that I kind of fail at life. This is not, I think, a new thing.



If you were wondering why I am posting less? Yeah. This is why.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/82946.html. | You can reply here or there. | comments

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Hugs.

Here's to less stress and more fun

(Deleted comment)
You deserve that job, and I hope that somehow you end up getting it.

Family. OMFG. Yeah. They can really do it to you. So sorry.

*big big hugs*

Do they think you incompetent or just because you aren't an ass kisser?
Sorry work isn't better. :(

From what you talk about here, there is no way on this green earth that you can be called or even considered incompetent. Screw 'em! You are awesome!

I hope you get the job!! I'm so sorry work is sucking right now, hopefully it will get better.

*hugs*

Fuck everything, indeed. I feel kind of the same way regarding vacation - coming back to reality is such a letdown after feeling great and refreshed. :-/

*hug hug*

[hugs you so tightly]

And for the record? I think you're a supermodel. :)

Hugs hugs hugs many many hugs.

I feel like there ought to be some kind of HULK SMASH twitter stream for messy lives, like Feminist Hulk, but instead, like COWORKER HULK.

P/A BITCHERY OVER TOP OF CUBICLE? NOT COOL. HULK SMASH!!

If taking an evening out away from family and work will help, let me know!

I have homemade Irish Creme and look! an extra jug. ::hands over::

You know, this is awful, this is SUCK but in a strange way, it also made me feel a bit comforted because I get this shit at work, too; have been getting it for 15 years, bleurgh, see unqualified morons promoted to insane positions specially created for them and watch them fuck up entire departments; inadvertently find out that people who are junior and hired 1 year ago earn much more than I do and generally note a glass ceiling for women operate everywhere. Meh.

I keep telling myself: I'm employed! That's the bottom line!

:-

Hey! I got promoted to a position created especially for me!

... and by giving me more days work in my contract, they put me on a lower daily rate than not just my (senior-but-sort-of-equal) collegues, but also the guys I was supervising. Fun, huh?

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