Seperis (seperis) wrote,

  • Mood:

if wishes were horses, i'd just need one horse.

I need to...vent. But I have a feeling that if I start now, it won't stop until the end of time and creation. And yet.

1.) A new job opened in my unit. It's a promotion. I have seniority and experience and I should definitely be in the running if not get it altogether and I know I won't be. And yet I will still humiliate myself by applying. Because that's fun for me.

2.) For the next big build, I was only assigned two program modifications to plan and am assisting on another one in planning. I have a few less tests. One of the mods is tiny. The second mod I'm planning and the one I'm assisting on are the same thing and massively huge. But I don't know if the size justifies the fewer tests or if they're like, cutting my workload which only sounds nice until you realize it's because they think you're incompetent. Which--I have no idea. I mean, I can't tell. The alchemy of the assignment list is a mystery to me.

3.) At some point, I lost patience with paranoid girlfriends and paranoid boyfriends and paranoid SOs. I am not interested in your boyfriend, brother, sister, or SO; tbh, I cannot remember their names. I just like to talk to them on break. I am not a supermodel and honest to God, I barely qualify as not a visual atrocity most days. What. The. Fuck?

Seriously, my life is a fucking flashback to not being picked for kickball every goddamn day. It's like being a metaphorical leper. And it's not like I am famous for having rock-solid self-esteem or like, confidence, so fuck everything.

4. - 6.) Family (not Child; Child continues to be awesome and evil)

You know, vacation may not be a good thing for me; I come back in a fantastic mood, refreshed and ready to go and then...this. I suspect--just a bit--that I kind of fail at life. This is not, I think, a new thing.

If you were wondering why I am posting less? Yeah. This is why.

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Tags: crosspost, jenn's life
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