And thete1 was right. It's so much harder to do this than to post it.
Far, far, far too much information going on here. Hmm. I should think aboutwhich three icons I want to keep tonight.
100 Things About Me
1.) I have never felt my age, even when I was a kid. There's a very real suspicion I'm still five.
2.) My sexual awakening was during the reading of Heretics of Dune at age thirteen or so, when I figured out both the mechanics and the concept of penetrative sex and orgasm.
3.) The Gor books continued my education.
4.) So did Penthouse Forum and Cosmopolitan.
5.) THEN came the romance novels.
6.) I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was nineteen, like my mother, father, and one grandparent before me. My youngest sister has anger management and impulse control problems. Somehow, I still manage to come out far calmer and more stable than she is, and that's really darn unfair.
7.) I've only been actively suicidal twice. Other times, I've found alternative methods of dealing.
8.) I've cut a total of four times, but I only scarred the first and second time.
9.) It's been almost six years since the last time I cut myself. I still evaluate most sharp object by potential for use, however.
10.) I hate using antidepressants and go off them as quickly as possible. My longest stretch was six months when I was nineteen, and I don't like remembering that time.
11.) This is because I'm a control freak and hate not being able to control my own emotional responses.
12.) Yes, I know what a bad idea that is.
13.) I cannot bake cookies very well. They almost always burn.
14.) I don't ever think I've been in love. I'm relatively sure I never will be.
15.) I obsess, however, with disturbing frequency.
16.) I don't like people as a general rule.
17.) I don't live in my body very often.
18.) I've had trouble with keeping a healthy weight since I was nineteen. I tend to lose weight when I'm upset, very, very fast. On the other hand, I can wear jeans bought when I was twelve, after my biggest growth spurt.
19.) I had my first kiss when I was seventeen.
20.) I lost my virginity when I was nineteen.
21.) I had my first orgasm at twenty-two.
22.) I'm extremely claustrophobic.
23.) I dislike crustaceans other than lobster.
24.) I was almost assaulted at a hotel in Dallas during a college function my freshman year. I spent quality time in the elevator trying to figure out how to get to the swimming pool. I was also slightly drunk, but not quite enough to blow it off.
25.) People usually don't like me once they get to know me. Sometimes this works out well. It saves me the trouble of finding reasons not to like them first. See reactive, farther down.
26.) I've never been perfectly faithful to anyone I've ever dated.
27.) I am seriously addicted to coffee. Except Starbucks. I really hate Starbucks. Even the caramel coffee.
28.) I do love their hot chocolate, however.
29.) I'm only manipulative with people I care about. I don't bother with people I don't.
30.) I have a weakness for opiates of all kinds; therefore, I have never tried or been tempted to try heroin.
31.) Insecurity is an art form I've practiced all my life. I'm very good at it now, I think.
32.) I'm extremely good at being whatever it is other people want me to be.
33.) I eat a LOT of salt.
34.) I love turkey and cranberry sauce.
35.) I take things for granted frequently, except the things I should.
36.) My son was born on my birthday.
37.) I cut or dye my hair when I'm upset about something.
38.) I love spending the day in the library.
39.) I don't hold grudges.
40.) My people skills suck, especially when I want to be liked.
41.) Great art bores me. So does great literature.
42.) I'm a Christian.
43.) I'm an idealist and romantic.
44.) I have a terrible specific memory, but a good general one.
45.) I know tons of useless trivia.
46.) I love to ballroom dance.
47.) I've never had a driver's license, though that's never stopped me from driving. Or getting into wrecks.
48.) I'm very easy to please but impossible to satisfy.
49.) I've never had casual sex. But I did bet my virtue on a game of pool once. And I was dead sober. We ended up dating afterward. This circumstance still confuses me.
50.) Windowless bathrooms make me very tense.
51.) When I was two and a half, I fell against the sharp edge of a coffee table and missed my eye by a quarter of an inch up. Another quarter of an inch to the right might have killed me. I remember the emergency room using a velcro papoose to hold me down so I could be stitched up. I did not like this. My mother almost fainted. She's refused to own a coffee table since then up until last year, when she got one as a gift she couldn't find a way to refuse.
52.) When I was four, a dog attacked me at a family friend's house, biting my face from hairline to below my jaw, but only catching just above and to the left of my mouth in a serious wound, leaving only scratches elsewhere. I don't remmeber anything between the moment I petted the dog and the moment in the kitchen a few minutes later when they gave me a soda, and it took me several minutes to understand why everyone was so upset. It didn't hurt. At the ER, they couldn't use a general anesthetic for some reason while stitching up my face, so the velcro papoose was offered and my parents refused. Intead, my mother sat beside the bed just behind the nurse and held my hand, even though she usually fainted at the sight of blood.
53.) Both these scars are almost invisible now.
54.) When I was about to start fourth grade, I almost drowned in a swimming pool at daycare.
55.) Learning has always come very easily to me. I'm used to being very good at everything I try. Except long division in fifth grade, geometry in eleventh and anything that involves interpreting poetry. I sucked at these things.
56.) I have really, really good luck.
57.) I'm extremely clumsy.
58.) I didn't have friends in high school until my senior year.
59.) I handled my last break-up very badly and ended up doing damage to the other person involved. I decided not engage in another relationship until I could do it well. That was three years ago.
60.) I prefer to pursue than be pursued.
61.) Commitment of any kind scares me.
62.) So does leadership.
63.) So do snakes.
64.) And large rats.
65.) I do, however, like iguanas. As pets. Not to eat.
66.) I like being pretty in the sense that it makes it easier to look in a mirror when necessary.
67.) I hated being a cheerleader, but I did it anyway for two years.
68.) I play clarinet and piano badly.
69.) I don't like bothering people and worry constantly that I am.
70.) I'm extremely shy to the point of active avoidance.
71.) I have bad relative pitch. But I like to sing loudly.
72.) I bite my fingernails.
73.) I smoke.
74.) I'm reactive more than proactive to circumstance.
75.) When I really want something, I get it.
76.) My closest friends are usually the people who won't go away when I tell them to. For some reason, this seems to work out well.
77.) I'm scared of heights.
78.) I cannot keep a plant alive. I've killed ivy, mint, and cactus. The things most likely to flourish that I plant are the things I forget I planted, such as the mint I forgot we had, watermelon, cantalope, and pumpkin.
79.) I like rain better than sunny days.
80.) I really like my personal space.
81.) I've done pot and LSD. I really didn't enjoy them much except when I can use the experiences as anecdotes.
82.) I'm not entirely sure who I am yet. This changes frequently.
83.) Making this list is depressing as hell.
84.) I don't care much about money.
85.) When I write, I don't care about anything else.
86.) Sacrifice and the internal struggle for good in the face of evil awe me. People who choose the right thing at great personal loss awe me. Movies and books that portray it make me cry every time.
87.) I've never sacrificed anything that was precious to me.
88.) I don't wear jewelry except my earrings in the cartiledge of my left ear. More from habit than anything.
89.) I'm bad at giving up things.
90.) I'd like to fall in love once. The kind that's all-consuming and scary and intense and it tramples everything else.
91.) I'm scared of being abducted by aliens.
92.) Humor is the best thing ever.
93.) I love speed. Rollercoasters and fast cars.
94.) I'm not vindictive. Ever. I try very hard to make sure that I never act in such a way as to cause deliberate hurt to anyone. Almost everything I've done is by thoughtlessness, not malice.
95.) The fact that life exists is extraordinary.
96.) I'm not as cynical as I think I am or want to be.
97.) I think I could die for something I believed in strongly enough.
98.) Music of all kinds enchants me. When I'm playing, I can lose myself completely. It can make me cry.
99.) I'm stronger than I think I am.
100.) I contradict myself frequently. I don't understand myself at all. And that doesn't bother me.
101.) I try to be a good person.