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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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creative use of office supplies and other stuff
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
The letter opener. My One True Love amongst the dregs of useless office supplies.

I have one on my desk. Since I'm not a big letter-opener, you might ask, why?

Ah, ye of little faith.

To make the stapler work, of course.

Funny thing--I have a stapler that breaks every five times it staples. Apparently, staplers these days weren't actually meant to staple paper. Who could have guessed? After throwing away three, I came across The Letter Opener of My Dreams. Jimmy that baby up under the cover, apply some strength, and voom. Fixings going on here.

I am SUCH a guy. Doorknobs, VCRs, and staplers. My God, the testosterone is totally flowing over here.

I'm currently thinking up other uses for it. Apparently, ritual combat isn't allowed in state office buildings. Stupid federal and state laws. I occasionally make half-hearted stabs at paper, but apparently that makes clients nervous. Does explain why they're so polite these days when I have it, though.

I want more post-it notes. Those things are addictive as shit. I can't live without them. I actually started freaking out when I couldn't find a few, and I've stocked extra bundles under my desk for emergencies.

Weird Things

Had interesting problem with woman and her twins that didn't exist.

Yeah. I have no idea how to explain this one without visual aids, but suffice to say, she was getting tired of getting forms asking her to verify the fact she had twins when she only had the one child. Apparently.

Okay, I'll try. I was in Super E's office leaning against the door laughing when this happened.

One of the imaginary twins was covered, one not. One was a girl, one was a boy. One had one name, one had another name. The actual real child wasn't covered. The imaginary girl *was*. The imaginary girl with the real boy's *name*.

We're still trying to work out how she acquired that second child.

I'm way too easy to amuse.

I'm working on updating some of our front desk forms for the new system--I bore easily, so it wasn't much work. I'm turning in the final copies to Super I tomorrow, since I need to edit and pretty them up a little--they look about the same as the old ones, just a few changes, so it's not a big deal, just convenience, but it does keep me entertained during long-ass translations.

Two more weeks and my six month probation is over.

Recs

Because sisabet has made me laugh so hard I'm crying.

A few gems from Brian Kinney: More Holy Than Thou, season three.

Jesus, this woman blows my mind. And possibly inspires hernias.

He makes Stockwell sexy. Which is mind-boggling and not exactly good. It just goes to show you the kind of power he actually has. He could be soooo much more evil. It is almost a good deed that he isn't.

And...

He hung around the backroom and lets that guy blow him cause it was obviously helping poor Justin out. Gives and gives. I swear. Also - that scene was good for America as a nation. We were going through hard times back then. It gave us something as a people to be proud in.

And...

Family Values - here it is - this is where it all comes together. Brian saves the city, more importantly saves Emmett and becomes Jesus Christ Brian. I'm not making that last part up - watch the ep. It is Jesus Christ, Brian, practically every other word. Add to that the crucifixion pose at the loft and I'm half afraid Joss Whedon is gonna run up - hand Brian an amulet and send him off to save the world.

Also, josselin decides the marriage to Melanie SHOULD be explored. And man, did she explore it, here and here.

One time, when they're exchanging Gus at the park, Lindsay asks about Brian. "He's so different now," Lindsay says, in that soft voice that Melanie misses so much. "He's so quiet with Gus, and so nice to Justin all the time. He's not rude and always making sick jokes and such. How do you do it?" She inquries finally.

"With Brian," Melanie says confidently, "you just need to take a firm hand. You and Michael, you're too indulgent, letting him act like a goddamned three-year-old. I was strict with him, told him it was time to act like a man."

"Mmm hmm," Lindsay says mysteriously. "Better not let him hear you say that."

* * *

Michael stops coming around after a while, ostensibily because he's busy with David but really because Brian isn't fun anymore. He's not the same guy who used to walk around the toy store with Michael, demonstrating with lurid gestures how each of the toddler toys could be used for various sexual activities. Brian doesn't go out, Brian doesn't drink, and Brian doesn't really even smile. Brian just holds Gus quietly, sitting in the corner.


To appreciate this, you REALLY got to read it all.

Yep. This is my crack and I'm happy with it. I really, really am.


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If you're having trouble enjoying your stapling in real life, you could go to www.virtualstapler.com

:) Check it out. That site cracks me up.

Thanks for reccing my writings, but I don't think the link you posted works (just so you know).

Also, I was hoping you'd rec it, but I was totally wondering to myself what part of it you'd quote...because really, none of it makes sense out of context. :) Especially the whole Polish part.

Fixed links.

Man, I WANTED to quote the Polish part, badly. So badly. That and the brakes, but that would give it away. Both sent me into hysterics.

I LOVED this. Poor Brian, he's in a much, much better place now.

Apparently, ritual combat isn't allowed in state office buildings. I occasionally make half-hearted stabs at paper, but apparently that makes clients nervous.

This is a good example of why I think you rock. (And the cheese experiments. And the fanfic. And the recs. And... I better stop now)


*giggles, then coughs* Stupid allergies. Gah.

That's so sweet. Neuroticism *is* adorable. One day, I'll tell everyone about my deep infatuation with those trays we put papers in. And the file cabinets! *swoons*

I've begun to scare myself when I scout out office supply websites, getting excited about multicolored folders and post-it notes.

To make the stapler work, of course.

Heh! And here I thought I was the only person who used letter openers for this purpose!

*blinks* There are other uses?

It's like a damn lo-jack of the office supply world. We got a broken file cabinet open once with that baby. Well, not MY baby, but someone else's, since mine is for Stapler Use Only.

I have a letter-opener on my desk; inlaid, pretty fish from Acapulco, and my boss continuously asks/demands me to remove such a weapon from my desk. It seems he doesn't trust my coworkers to not lose it, grab the flimsy letter opener (right next to the pointy scissors), and attack people in a violent manner.

He assumes that *they* will be the ones to snap. Heh.

Congrats on the almost-finished probationary period!

*caresses letter opener in absentia* It's a good opener. Though I'm tempted to have a wild affair with a pretty one with fishes on it now. Hmm.

Thanks!

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