?

Log in

No account? Create an account

The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
ouch and also, sleep for is for people who are not superglued together
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Okay, so there was surgery and whatnot, and I want for the record...

Ouch.

My stomach muscles hurt. My chest muscles want to hurt, I think, and feel left out that they don't. My shoulders hurt. I get this is because I was the equivalent of a human balloon animal and then glued--GLUED--shut. I mean, I get this is not Elmer's glue or anything, but still.

Ouch.

The following for anyone who is staring at this and saying "OKAY NO SURGERY EVER", waht I've learned.



1.) If I lie down, I will not want to get up like, ever. Ever. In my life. Because everything stiffens and it's like, no.

2.) Walking is actually okay. Coughing is not. And yet I have to cough every time I walk. And breathe deeply. Both according to doctor orders (thanks, allergy season, why not add congestion to the party?).

3.) Sitting up is great. Apparently, the closest-to-ideal position for my body is to be sitting crosslegged on my bed and leaning forward slightly with pillows behind my back. A Classic Geek Position, even. It's like destiny or something. I anticipate that my computer usage will hit new heights and it's not like I wasn't already qualified for a twelve-step program before this.

4.) However, I still have to stand up and walk around every thirty minutes ot an hour or I begin to stiffen up and you see where this is going.

5.) God coffee. (I just need to throw that in.)



By the way, this is what [personal profile] svmadelyn has to deal with tonight.



Seperis: *bitter*
Seperis: God.
Seperis: I had surgery.
Seperis: I was cut open like a turkey.
Seperis: And my innards removed.
Seperis: Holy shit.
Seperis: I even let it happen!
Seperis: *blank look*
Seperis: My existential crisis is in coordination with the wound on my stomach.
Seperis: Want a picture? *brightly*
svmadelyn: no.
svmadelyn: god no.
svmadelyn: we would add me to the former facebook friends
svmadelyn: very fast.
svmadelyn: VERY fast
svmadelyn: let us maintain some spark of mystery
svmadelyn: in our relationship.
Seperis: It is so weird looking?
Seperis: Like, they went into the belly button to do the dirty work
Seperis: SO you can't see like, much?
Seperis: But it's all superglued together.
Seperis: my God.
Seperis: I HAD SURGERY AND THEY CLOSED ME WITH SUPERGLUE.
Seperis: *BLANK LOOK* WHAT IS THIS.
Seperis: Today.
Seperis: I willingly allowed myself to be drugged and immobilized.
svmadelyn: yes. that you did.
Seperis: So someone could use that blue surgical pen--did you see that? THEY LEFT IT ON MY BED!--to be artistic and then cut open what has been closed since birth to insert gas into my stomach like a balloon.
Seperis: I WAS A BALLOON.
svmadelyn: it was a significant step in your personal development.
Seperis: THEN PUT THINGS UP THERE THAT REMOVED A PART OF MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM.
Seperis: AND THEN GLUED ME TOGETHER
svmadelyn: yes. a malevolent part.
Seperis: GLUED. ME. TOGETHER.
svmadelyn: yes. don't put heat on the glue.
Seperis: oh my God.
svmadelyn: in case it melts.
Seperis: IT IS FLAKING OFF.
Seperis: I HAVE A PIECE ON MY FINGER.
Seperis: ...it's like Elmer's glue.
svmadelyn: yeah. maybe don't touch it.
Seperis: My God.
svmadelyn: you could come open again.
svmadelyn: that would probably not be great.
Seperis: what, did they borrow from the kindergarten?
svmadelyn: perhaps you should find some superglue.
Seperis: That stuff never holds
svmadelyn: just as a plan b.
Seperis: IT IS WATER SOLUBLE AND I AM LIKE 90% WATETR
svmadelyn: obviously, you used inferior superglue.
Seperis: Oh I want to lie down.
Seperis: But that hurts a lot.
svmadelyn: not really; you don't drink much water.
Seperis: WHy did you let me do this?
Seperis: Why didn't yo mention the glue.
Seperis: GLUE.
svmadelyn: sometimes I like you breathing.
Seperis: *betrayed*
svmadelyn: the glue didn't occur to me, to be honest.


She's still speaking to me, even.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/56847.html. | You can reply here or there. | comment count unavailable comments


  • 1
I hope they gave you some good painkillers for the next few days. You'll need them. I had a laparoscopy (probably what they did for you to get rid of Horace) back in 07.

Also, i'm pretty sure the glue will hold till those incisions are healed. The bloaty feeling? Was definitely weird, much less waking up after the surgery. i was all WTF? I'm MISSING HOURS HERE. A bizarre hole in my sense of time passing. I still spent the next two days mostly sleeping because of the darvocet my doc gave me, but it worked. Then i got frustrated with the fuzzy brain it gave me and stopped taking it. But the pain? Didn't exist for those few days, so yes. i had fuzzy brain for that long at least. After that? bearable.

Demand the good painkillers. Seriously, do it.

I had access to absolutely no painkillers at all. But I get my stitches out in a week, along with my test results. Here's to a negative for lymphoma! *cheers!*

::crosses fingers and says prayer::

Good pain killers and trashy tv are your friends. After my major surgery, the first day I watched animal hospital, the next Project Runway, and the next House. That tells something about your brain capacity after a surgery...

That would be the painkillers. The heavier-duty ones say not to operate heavy machinery, and never mention that most humans happen to be heavy machinery.


Speaking as your nurse.....

Unfortunately, that crap about being up and walking and deep breathing? It's all true. Good painkillers are good too - but narcotics are (sorry) constipating, and so is inactivity, so prune juice and/or metamucil and walking are your new best friends.

About the balloon and the glue - just be glad you're not sliced and diced and held together with needle and thread!

And congratulations - the worst is over!! :)

At least they didn't sprinkle you with glitter while they were playing with the glue....

My husband's had three lots of abdominal surgery in the past two years (he now has two belly-buttons O.O) - and his useful tips are: do all the exercises your surgeon tells you to; carry a cushion at all times so you can hold it over your wound when you cough/sneeze/laugh; to walk as much as you can (he has a pedometer so he can make sure he's doing a bit more each day) but don't be afraid to carry a stick for security/sympathy; once you're up to leaving the house use fun excursions to encourage you to walk to take your mind of the discomfort; watch/read things that makes you smile - natural narcotics - and make every friend and family member you encounter give you presents. Lots of presents.

Well done on getting to the other side. You're awesome. I hope your life post-horace is wonderful and pain-free!

The best trick I know for preventing a sneeze is to put your index finger where a mustache would be - you know, like little kids do to pretend they have a mustache? - and then press your finger against your face, HARD. Hold for a few seconds until the sneezy feeling goes away. (I have no idea why this works, but it does.)

A third stop-sneezing trick -- when you feel a sneeze approaching, tickle the roof of your mouth with your tongue. It usually works for me....

(Deleted comment)
I'm pretty sure it's because the air that gets pumped into you during surgery floats its way up and puts pressure on your shoulders from the inside. Lying down usually makes the pain go away because the air is now difused over your whole chest.

svmadelyn is clearly an excellent friend. Mockery AND helpful advice about glue!

I'm glad the surgery went well, and that evil!Horace is no more--it's too bad they wouldn't let you take him home, though. Imagine the fun that you and the boy could be having with that right now! The stabby-stabby of bitter revenge, delightful.

I had a hole in myself after surgery, for drainage. I could see my insides and the sense of UTTER WRONGNESS can't be described but I think it seems a lot like your I WAS A BALLOON feeling. Just like, why did I DO this, and also why did THEY do this, and also also THIS is medicine? Modern medicine? SCIENCE? Goddamn. I felt misled by MRIs and blood tests that can tell you what you had for dinner a month ago, and prosthetic limbs, and suddenly understood why Rodney was all MEDICINE = VOODOO. *grins*

I hope you're feeling better!

I remember my surgery, and ugh, so horrible. Granted, I had to stay in the hospital for 10 days (ten days!) because they had a fucking tube down my throat to drain my stomach and then I was allergic to one of the meds they gave me in my IV and it caused all my muscles to seize up (yes, all of them. I could not move, and it hurt) and THEN I caught a stomach virus. And I wasn't allowed to eat for 8 of those 10 days.

Hospitals are fail.

*hugs*

this is all really foreign to me, i have to say? i was born with problematic kidneys and took medication for it until i had surgery when i was like, five. of course, i was five so it was really not an angsty experience for me at all. (though i can still remember waking up after the surgery with an oxygen mask on my face and my mom looking at me like ...well, like her youngest child was just drugged into unconsiousness and then cut open. it was a bad day for her, i think.)

but i was fine? i just kinda used the situation to spend a lot of time lying down and watching tv. was told later i was one of the first people to get one of those buttons to push to inject morphine into the system yourself.

and basically my only reminders of the experience are scars now. there's one of about five inches on my lower belly, and if you look really closely at my bellybutton you can kinda see where the tube was.

my point being, your outlook on a situation changes depending on how normal it seems to you. surgery is an early memory for me, so i don't see it as a bad/big thing at all, but i understand that this is not really of the norm.

also, the worst part of the experience for me was getting the stiches taken out, so i think the glue is probably a good thing.

I'm glad to hear that the surgery was successful and that SVMadelyn has not abandoned you! Also, somehow I'm getting sympathetic pain to you-- a half hour after I woke up this morning, my abdomen informed me it was Not Pleased with my altered posture yesterday (4 hours standing in high heels FTL) and I will have to hunch over in abject submission to it, and feed it painkillers.

Seriously happy to hear you've come through the surgery ok *smishes - gentle ones*

God, I feel rubbish for not being there for you last night. LOOOOVE.

If it makes you feel any better, SO had back surgery and they glued him back together. Never opened, split or did anything but just be there until he healed, even through a shower. The incision healed very nicely and is beginning to fade.

Congratulations! (and seriously how weird is that to leave on a surgery post but ummm, yeah... ) Go you!

Welcome to the gallbladder-free club. Surgery isn't the most fun, but for the record, no-more-gallbladder-pain is totally awesome. :)

AHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh, your convo with Madelyn is COMEDY GOLD.

*rereads and dies some more*

I had my gall bladder out last Monday (laproscopically, thankfully). Holding a cushion, or towel firmly but gently over your incision when you cough will help a bit. Think of all of the things you can now eat without fear! Your conversation made me laugh, especially the "want to see it?" bit. My surgeon filmed my operation and GAVE ME A DVD of it. He seemed truly disappointed that neither I nor my husband are very interested in watching. I think it's still in the glove compartment of my car (where it got stashed on the ride home from the hospital).

  • 1