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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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history suggests i need to reconsider my life plan
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
I've come to the conclusion that those "power of positive thinking" people might be onto something. As Positive Thinking Person walked by my cubicle (and smiled.) I thought about her transferred to somewhere without access to indoor plumbing and abruptly felt a lot better.

Dear those who follow the woo-woo (or maybe just the one in my office):

It's not that I don't think there's like, some kind of grain of usefulness in your approach or anything, nor do I grudge you your carefully constructed personal happiness, but seriously. Over ten thousand years of recorded human existence and you really think we could have stopped all of our wars, our famines, our weird obsession with other people's sex lives, our uncomfortable fascination with weapons, mental illness, clinical depression, plagues, cancer, STDs, bad hair days, toenail fungus, and why Windows still has a blue screen of death with cleansing breaths and deep positive thoughts?

Sure, I'll go with you are just that much more evolved. Does that mean I can stop saying you're human?

...oh, that's what you mean by positive thinking! Thanks! If you step foot in my cubicle with anything resembling life-advice, you'll answer to the letter opener and this truly hideous coffee I am forced to drink.

one cup of coffee from a revelation about the nature of man and negativity,
Seperis

PS: Today in Lowered Expectations I am setting us all a goal we can easily, easily accomplish. This will set the stage for the day that false confidence will lead us to fail, but that day is not today.

Your task: avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

Good luck! *fistbump*

Wow, I don't know, man. I ride the Chicago transit system, you know what I'm saying?

...my God, I didn't think about that.

Your task: avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

Must I? What if it's Taco Day? What if their other job is Rat Catcher?

What if they've lined their undergarments with Muenster?

(The hell with them wearing the cheese. The cheese is definitely wearing them.)

I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Fisty just wants to punch someone, ya know?

FREE FISTY.

I love Stewart. *hearts*

avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

Cheese, specifically, I can do. Not telling one of the other PAs that he smells like a hobo or one of the producers that her perfume is eye-watering and nausea-inducing will be a bit more difficult.

I thought being specific would help. *nods* All other smells are up for grabs!

I'm just cheerfully obsessed with other people's sex lives now. And I think that thing my hair is doing is funny. What's the word for schadenfreude if it's actually happening to yourself?

Also, never mind people who smell like cheese, I just spent $5 on cheese that fills the inside of my fridge with what I can only describe as the finely-honed smell of farts on a bus. It's the gasoline edge that really makes it authentic. The label says it comes from goats, but I'm starting to get nervous about where exactly the goat got involved.

It's the gasoline edge that really makes it authentic. The label says it comes from goats, but I'm starting to get nervous about where exactly the goat got involved.

This is why I never speculate about those kinds of questions. I am afraid to know.

...what kind of cheese?

Edited at 2010-04-01 03:06 pm (UTC)

Dammit. Now I really, really want to tell someone they smell like cheese. Especially my boss, because he makes the most hysterical faces when he just doesn't understand something I've done.

man, my daughter not half an hour ago, said someone smelled like cheese! FML

*chokes and dies* What are the odds?

Your task: avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

Whew...I can probably handle that.

I think I can handle not telling anyone the smell like cheese. That's doable.

I will just continue leaving anonymous post-it's on random co-workers computer monitors saying things like "I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!!!" and watch in barely concealed glee while they look around in confusion.

It's all about the little things, y'know?

Honestly, I kind of just feel in love with you. *blinking slowly*

Your task: avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

This? is called the Power of Positive Restraint. Every time I succeed in managing not to respond to asshatery with a reminder that I have access to large amounts of powerfull sedatives and am not afraid to use them, I get a cookie!

But..but.. does it count as not meeting Lowered Expectations if I said it before receiving my assigned goal? I claim extenuating circumstances, my daughter stuck her feet in my face after wearing tennis shoes for 9 hours.
Ok, I'm grasping at straws, I should face the fact I couldn't even meet these expectations today, sigh.

Nope! That is the beauty of lowered expectations. In fact, you can use any ohter person's timezone as your start time!

We're keeping it real here. And accomplishable.

*fistbump*

I will endeavor to do my very best. No promises though.

Re: positive thinking people: my usual method is to tell people to go be positive somewhere else, they're ruining my soothing pessimistic vibe.

*fistbump*

cheese I can do - as long as I can continue to comment on stinky perfume and other overwhelming aromas, I'm ok with this.

why don't I have a cheese icon?

Hmmm... cheese, eh? I can do that!

This makes me feel so much better. I mean, amazingly better.

Can I tell my FRIDGE it smells like cheese? I mean, it's time to clean out the drawer sadly, so it's kinda hard to hold back.

I AM NOW STRONGLY TEMPTED TO TELL SOMEONE THEY SMELL LIKE CHEESE.

ILU, by the way.

PS: do you need better coffee? If you have a P.O.box, and you say what type of coffee you like, people could send you some? **random neuron fire of crazy**

Mmm coffee. I kid you not, I brought coffee with me when I moved overseas. You cannot part me from the good stuff!