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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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that's just how I roll. I write entries with no real theme.
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Porn is just bizarre from a Vulcan's pov. I just want to state for this for the record, because I want really low expectations. Okay? Okay. I'm saying, I will really spellcheck this time, and like, check my its/it's, and I want credit for that when anyone gets to like, page thirty, kay? Thank you.

In other news, there is no other news. I mean, winterlive is a filthy, filthy tease with fic (seriously, my inbox is such a porny, porny place) and transtempts is trying to drive me nuts with what appears to be OT3 foreplay that lasts forever, and svmadelyn is sending me links to fic where people use the word orbs for eyes without irony. I'm sorry, no.

Also, apparently, my playlist for Star Trek is dance-pop and techno. I wnat to say I do not associate Kirk with Britney Spears (damn you, butterfly, with your brilliance; when I get stuck, that's the vid I watch to get unstuck when writing), but it's a lie. I am so not kidding. I dragged out The Pussycat Dolls and I don't know what this means, but I know it's not an improvement on my emo-by-way-of-metal-guitar phase.

[And talitha78 for freaking Lady Gaga. I--can't even deal with this. I just pretend I am not me. I am saying, my musical tastes are pretty much "Did a vidder use this song? I like it!" Is that even healthy?]

No.

It's been a while, so I feel it's about time to list off my most recent fic peeves. In no particular order in two fandoms.



Stop using orbs for eyes. How can anyone write that and not think of Tolkien, I do not know.

You cannot use jade three times in a sentence, I do not fucking care how green Spock's cock is.

Lube. Lube. Lube. LUBE. LUBE. I am not asking much here. I am asking that I do not have an unmistakable physiological reaction known as SQUICK where there is twitching and so much mockery.

Weirdly, I am still okay with instant refraction period and marathon sex, but see, here's the thing. No one should be striving for realism, because realism is kind of disgusting, it's not like humans like sex because it is pretty and clean, we like it because it's filthy and its fun, but filthy can be really literal--they need to strive for hotness. Lubeless sex is not hot (there are exceptions, but I will state unequivocally that I will actually friend people on their ability to pull that off and not make me flinch. That's skillz.). Ten times in twelve hours is hot. What I'm saying is, I am really arbitrary in my enforcement of realism. I read astolat's Merlin tentacle fic and really hated myself for loving it as much as I did, alright? So there you go. Arbitrary.

Kirk is not dumb. Let me just state, in case Pike didn't convince you, Starfleet in three years and worked out that Nero was back due to a conversation while listening to two undressed girls talking and semi-conscious in sickbay with a snatch of an announcement. The novelization had him competitive for valedictorian of his class. Broke into Starfleet security to alter Spock's program. Spock's. Program. And heartily pissed off his Vulcanness pulling that shit. Not dumb. The Enterprise is chock full of geniuses. Crazy geniuses below the age of thirty-five who are going to either destroy teh galaxy or just set it on fire.

Smart is hot. Everyone can be smart! It's okay! You don't need a token dumb character to show how smart your favorite character is! Really! We're fangirls! I have at least ten MENSA on my flist and only hate them on alternate Sundays! Smart for everyone! Please. Stop that shit. It's not just irritating, it's cliched as hell. D/s all you like, but keep everyone's IQ intact.

Luckily, I read only by rec and very careful screening (ie, skim and run)--Uhura is not just awesome because she has lines and is a woman. She speaks eighty-three percent of Federation languages. Sit on that one for a bit for those of us who are monolingual with pretensions of understanding and reading a second language under stress. And all three dialects of Romulan. She owns herself, which is actually, oddly, why I like her. I liked her mocking Kirk while he flirted with her (the movie was a high improvement on the book on her character, btw, she shoots men down with style and with a smile; I love her for that).

Also, randomly, and I can't remmber if this was in the book or book and movie, but I was utterly thrilled when Spock gave her the conn. Small thing, but in TOS, I don't remember her being given command of the ship.



Okay, question for Uhura fans and the chain of command, please. This is jsut for my own curiosity for now, though I am using some of this for a fic.



Has anyone worked out the chain of command for the Enterprise yet? For my own purposes, considering her age and seniority, in the current Enterprise, I assumed Uhura was third in seniority after Kirk and Spock, but does it work like that or does the helm outrank communications? While the Captain can give command to anyone (see the novel Doctor's Orders I think for the hilarious results of Kirk making McCoy take it and then vanishing; that was great), I remember in TNG that Deanna outranked Ensign Ro despite being ship's counselor despite command experience, I'm not so sure here. I'm not even sure bridge crew no matter their rank are higher in the chain of command than someone of higher rank but not bridge crew; is it just me or is Starfleet just that confusing sometimes?

If it's not set, I'm just going with that interpretation due to her (probably?) being already graduated and the Starfleet equivalent of a grad student when the movie opens.

Okay, I cannot deal with her being junior to Sulu and Chekov. I just can't. It doesn't make sense. I keep clinging to Spock giving her the conn as proof currently she's third in the chain of command.



And because this came up on my flist.



Recently, several people on my flist were gathering information/recs/links about fic that highlighted POCs in fandoms and pairings. If you're into Trek, I submit Voyager as being the only fandom I know of that every major pairing het and slash involved a POC. The only ones I can think of that weren't and had a following were Paris/Seven and Janeway/Paris for het and Janeway/Seven in slash, and two of those didn't take off until season five. And Paris/Seven was not that popular; I know, it was my tertiary pairing. At one time in the fandom, I think I was responsible for like, half of all existing Paris/Seven stories and one novel. I--really need to find my list of fic. I never did finish a decent Voyager fic rec page.

Weirdly, it was not until the last year when someone mentioned it that I ever noted that of Voyager's major characters, there were only five that were white, and only two of those were bridge crew: Captain Janeway, female; Kes, female, alien, not bridge (season one through four); Seven of Nine, female, Borg, Astrometrics, not bridge (season five through seven); Lieutenant Paris, male; and The Doctor, hologram, doctor, not bridge. Not an ideal spread, but still kind of surprising to me, possibly because when the question went around where people were thinking what POC related stories they'd written, I completely forgot the majority of my Voyager fic was primary Tom/B'Elanna (and fine, one Chakotay/Paris, but that story had him sleeping with everyone. As I am one with cliches sometimes). Which is a reminder of my level of awareness is not exactly all tht great.

Even that mix isn't ideal or representative, but compared to TNG (and to a lesser extent DS9, though DS9 had a much higher proportion of alien, and I wasn't a regular watcher, they could have been much more diverse and I just don't remember; I watched for Sisko and Jadzia, basically) that's not--too terrible. Which isn't exactly a recommendation, but I can say my pairing has some seriously amazing writers, and was also not only my first experience with fandom, but with threesomes (Tuvok/Paris/Torres and Paris/Kim/Torres and Paris/Torres/Seven). I can hunt up recs if anyone is interested.



Finally, for anyone who is interested or who wasn't around circa 2006 when I did this, Trek Meet and Greet. I haven't updated comments since last year, nor is it terribly organized, but it has a pretty interesting cross-section of Trek writers on LJ, comms, etc. If it feels useful or there isn't a better reference out there, I'd be happy to start organizing and updating it again. There are some people I haven't added or removed either by request or because they really, really seemed to not want the connection.

Yes, this is what happens when I've been struggling with Vulcan porn. I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. Kirk POV--next time, Kirk POV.

ETA: darkrosetiger asks for Tuvok recs here and now I'm kind of interested too. Bring your Tuvok recs!


Lubeless sex is not hot (there are exceptions, but I will state unequivocally that I will actually friend people on their ability to pull that off and not make me flinch. That's skillz.)

I believe you have just issued a challenge. I'll just sit over here and look forward to reading the entries.

...I did not think of that.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(Deleted comment)
Lady Gaga dammit. And I like it.

WHEE UHURA DRESS YAY!

Tuvok/Paris/Torres? DUDE. The snark would be lethal.

I really should finish that Picard/Jadzia fic I started an age ago. I did that thing where I could see where it was going and got bored.



Wait, Spock....green?...well, I guess, since his blood...

It works! Just--not jade three times. We do not talk about ruby cocks, so really. Just, you know, sparing word use is good here.

I do not remember if she ever took the conn (my guess is no, for the simple expedient that TOS had that whole Janice Lester women can't be captains thing), though she is capable of taking the helm, which she did with absolutely no qualms in Court Martial.

In the movie, I got the impression that Sulu and Chekov were already officers, if second shift replacements, while the others were cadets with ranks. So Sulu and Chekov had more experience on the ship per se, even if rank-wise Uhura was above them? Also the question of who had gone to command school, though I don't know if we really care about that if we're tapping ensigns and cadets (and I think the movie has done away with the no female captains thing, as I think there was at least one female admiral?).

*nods* Yeah, but seriously, Chekov may be bridge, but I cannot deal with a seventeen year old doing that.

I need to listen to when the list off the cadets names and see if Chekov and Sulu are called or are already on the Enterprise. For some reason, I had the impression they were cadets as well.

The Enterprise is chock full of geniuses. Crazy geniuses below the age of thirty-five who are going to either destroy teh galaxy or just set it on fire.

That sums up the reboot SO WELL. Also, dumb fratboy Kirk stories make me want to hurt people. But I think I'll just come back and read that paragraph repeatedly instead, because it makes me feel better. And more things should contain the phrase "heartily pissed off his Vulcanness pulling that shit." Because he so did, and he will KEEP doing it. And it will keep being fun to watch.

Also, dumb fratboy Kirk stories make me want to hurt people.

Holy God, yes. And the thing that kills me? Unless he's like, the weirdest rebel *ever*, he's been out of formal schooling for at least a few years. Then he just jumps in and does Starfleet Academy in three years? Not to mention his bio at Memory Alpha, where's he's assistant in combat instruction and treasurer of xenolinguistics and speaks Orion Prime. He is not dumb. He's reckless and rebellious and kind of an asshole that I am totally in love with, but dumb he is not. No one rewrites Spock's own program and breaks Starfleet security and is dumb.

As far as I remember from TOS, Scotty was pretty much the Second Officer after Spock due to experience, and having completed command training at some point, though of course he preferred his engines.

I really don't think the new Scotty is quite as qualified as the old (it would be really interesting to see just how the Kelvin's destruction turned his life into such a pretzel).

As for Uhura: I'm fairly sure she's supposed to be standard cadet age (i.e., five years younger than Jim) despite appearances if you go by TOS timelines, but the entire crew is still so young in Reboot, and she clearly has at least got enough qualifications under her belt to be a cadet-Lieutenant rather than Ensign like Chekov, so I totally buy her being next in the command chain any way you look at it.

Excellent, I was hoping that made sense. Spock did leave her the conn (I guess only during the novelization? I need to see the movie again and check), with both Sulu and Chekov right there, so that indicated she was next in line.

Yeah, I can't see this Scotty having third right now.

really don't think the new Scotty is quite as qualified as the old (it would be really interesting to see just how the Kelvin's destruction turned his life into such a pretzel).

The only thing I can think--and this is basically how I speculated on Vulcan's changes and adding in Pike's comment on the type of people Starfleet was turning out--is that the admiralty, for lack of a better way to phrase this, had literally no sense of humor or basically, a much stronger dislike of quirkiness or any sign of non-conformity in their cadets. Which might also explain why they came down on Kirk in this universe about the Kobayashi Maru (though I remain convinced Spock was the one that threw the shit fit and pushed that bit of academic insanity through).

Scotty was always quirky, and if they'd shifted to a More Serious Way of Doing Things, then Scotty's vague adorable genius-crazy and Kirk's rebellious genius-crazy wouldn't have been seen as signs of original thinking, but noncomformity and bad.

Seriously, Reboot has made me meta in ways I did not know I could meta.

damn you, butterfly, with your brilliance; when I get stuck, that's the vid I watch to get unstuck when writing

Thank you? Sorry? Let's go with both.

Kirk is not dumb. Let me just state, in case Pike didn't convince you, Starfleet in three years and worked out that Nero was back due to a conversation while listening to two undressed girls talking and semi-conscious in sickbay with a snatch of an announcement. The novelization had him competitive for valedictorian of his class. Broke into Starfleet security to alter Spock's program. Spock's. Program. And heartily pissed off his Vulcanness pulling that shit. Not dumb. The Enterprise is chock full of geniuses. Crazy geniuses below the age of thirty-five who are going to either destroy teh galaxy or just set it on fire.

Yes, thank you. Kirk is wicked smart. I've no idea why people would try to write him as dumb. Except that they are bad at watching movies maybe, IDK.

If you're into Trek, I submit Voyager as being the only fandom I know of that every major pairing het and slash involved a POC.

I never realized that!

My Voyager OTP was Tuvok/Paris. Tuvok is actually, by a squeak and a hair, my favorite Vulcan.

Thank you? Sorry? Let's go with both.

I can officially not even watch the vid and visualize every scene. I love you? But oh my God, Britney Spears? I am like, downloading her music now! That is evil genius.

Yes, thank you. Kirk is wicked smart. I've no idea why people would try to write him as dumb. Except that they are bad at watching movies maybe, IDK.

I do not even try to work it out, just stare at it hatefully and stamp my wee feet. You know, publicly.

I never realized that!

It was a shock. I honestly cant' think why, unless because Tuvok and B'Elanna were both presented as aliens, so when I thought of them, that's how I categorized, instead of recognizing the ethnic diversity. And I read Tuvok/Paris a few times! So how this never hit me just--I don't even know.

Tuvok was fascinating and I'm peeved they didn't do much more with him. Even as a het writer, I liked reading about his relationship wtih Paris, though now in retrospect, I can't figure out why on earth there wasn't more Chakotay/Tuvok. They had about as combative a relationship as Chakotay/Paris, with added pon farr!

You cannot use jade three times in a sentence, I do not fucking care how green Spock's cock is.

Yeah, you know, that always distracts me, despite being a cliche. I think it's because I always picture the really pale, almost translucent Chinese jade, which is a sort of weird image. Not, I grant you, as weird as some of the other images Trek fangirls have supplied me for Spock's genitals, but still...weird. I'm guessing they mean like a dark malachite green, which still seems sort of oddly bluish to me, but...

...And that above is what my mind does every time I read about Spock's jade green wang. :/ It only gets worse if they start throwing in lotuses and pagodas and seriously, guys, wtf.

Lubeless sex is not hot

Tell that to the one gay guy who bitches every time someone at fanficrants goes "lube plz!" No, I mean, seriously, tell him that: it's like he's on a one-man mission against the necessity of lube in fanfic, and it's getting pretty damn tedious.

I think it's because I always picture the really pale, almost translucent Chinese jade, which is a sort of weird image. Not, I grant you, as weird as some of the other images Trek fangirls have supplied me for Spock's genitals, but still...weird. I'm guessing they mean like a dark malachite green, which still seems sort of oddly bluish to me, but...

This makes me wonder what stone it is I have. It's dark green, and I assumed it was malachite, but it must be something else, as it is evergreen green. Hmm.

....I am afraid of the lubeless. I don't lie. I am not a gale man, but I do share one key body part with all humans everywhere and it twitches at moments like this.

(Deleted comment)
Tuvok/Paris/Torres and Paris/Kim/Torres

I would love some recs for these. Actually, I'd love any Tuvok recs.

Edited at 2009-05-29 12:05 am (UTC)

The second I'd have to email you, as i think the writer vanished off the net, if I still have it saved. The first--give me a few minutes.

My hope:

That vid is responsible for spreading the love of Britney Spears across fandom. You can never have enough Britney. Evah.

Also, it is responsible for the fact I now totally ship Kirk/Britney. It makes no logical sense. But I do. ALSO: imagine if she got to be the green or blue or purple bikini girl in the next film? How super cool would that be?


Honestly, I wanted to be a Spock Girl like all the cool fans, but we see how well that turned out.

Yeah, I saw Kirk and kind of resigned myself to falling desperately in love wih his genius cocky ass. Stupid hormones. It's that goddamn body type combined with intelligence and attitude.

Though Spock is a close second. I also like violence.

I think as a full Lieutenant, Uhura outranks anyone under her (Lieutenant (j.g.), ensigns, etc.), and maybe only orders around people in her own division (so a Lieutenant in Command would outrank a Lieutenant in Operations?) But the chain of command usually goes captain, first officer, second officer and Scotty was 2nd officer in TOS. So, Kirk > Spock > Scotty > Everyone Else. TOS was never particularly good at ranks, since they hadn't really decided on a set-in-stone system until Star Trek II went "WE'RE THE NAVY. IN SPACE."

(This is part of why I love Nick Meyer.)

As for Troi, like Bev, she had an officer's rank of at least Lieutenant or Lt Commander. I think it's an honourary rank (didn't they have an ep where Troi had to retake some tests to keep it? I might be hallucinating. I haven't gone back and rewacted TNG in easily 15 years.) but they still outrank Ensigns and all enlisted crew.

(Tho any commissioned officer is still gonna defer to a more experienced enlisted crewman, even if they do outrank them on paper, because you really do not want O'Brien to be pissed at you. And everyone at some point needs a Sergeant to do All the Awesome Things Sergeants Do.)

But I'm not sure Reboot has the same with Scotty in that chain; what was his rank, do you remember?

You cannot use jade three times in a sentence, I do not fucking care how green Spock's cock is.

So if I wrote an AU where Spock was a cynical prostitute, I shouldn't refer to the "jade-tinged cock of the jaded jade"? Good to know.

...that is the most frightening sentence i can imagine.

I am now trying to imagine Spock as a prostitute. Wow. That would be the most logical sex ever. I don't even know where to start with that.

Kirk is not dumb.

Thank you. I can't tell you how many stories that I have backed out of that were supposedly Kirk-centric, and yet Kirk is stuuuuuupid. It bothers me. Ick.

Uhura is also very smart and awesome, and the entire Enterprise crew seems ridiculously overweighted with geniuses.

Sadly, I have absolutely no clue whatsoever as to the chain of command; people were taking the conn so much that the Captain's chair seemed to be the last chair left in musical chairs.

YES THIS! They are all dangerously supersmart and most of them new to their positions. I MEAN THE POTENTIAL FOR AWESOME IS SO HIGH.

Starfleet, ranks, and officer tracks are fucking hilarious funtimes in trying to make them make any goddamn fucking sense. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Basically, I figure it like this: Uhura's more senior, but not command track, which would be why she wouldn't be readily in the line of command; Chekov and Sulu both are. (For that matter, Spock is not actually command track; he's science. It's presumably why he never took the Kobayashi Maru in Prime. We're just going with him getting promoted to First Officer by Pike due to sheer competence and he grumbled Vulcanly and gritted his teeth.)

Chekov got handed the conn when Sulu was off the ship with Kirk space-diving. Kirk gave Sulu orders prior to them beaming over to the Narada, regarding taking advantage of any tactical advantage and firing on it even. Which leaves one to assume, Sulu had command of the ship while Spock and Kirk were over on the Narada.

But -- god. Who even knows. Starfleet is a fucking mess in terms of command structure. Scotty being a late and unexpected addition to the crew would not be in the normal command structure, anyway. (Interestingly, as an aside, I hear book canon claims that Scotty fucked his Kobayashi Maru in such a way as to get his ass redirected to Engineering which is where he *wanted* to be; he was originally command track.)

But, yeah. Uhura definitely isn't given the conn in the movie itself, though. But I don't think Uhura's less senior, like I said, just not command track.

ETA: YES PLEASE on the Paris/Kim/Torres recs. <3.

Edited at 2009-05-29 01:11 am (UTC)

Even though the answer is probably going to be so obvious, I need to ask. POC = ? I tried to google it but no luck.

Person/People of Color, I believe.