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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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i know my kneejerk is low grade rage, but that's like, normal and stuff
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Why I didn't want a girl by Amy Wilson, parenting.com

I'm going to be upfront on this one; my period started last night, I am averaging something less than six hours of sleep a night, and my niece was sick this morning, as is my nephew. So I am not any of the following: reasonable or any word like it.

[Note: I'm claiming oversensitivity for the next three to five days. If everyone respects this, I will reward with filthy, filthy porn. Or you know, not having a public break with reality. Or photographing my new altar for the Elder Gods on my work desk.]

However, I'm going to take this for a spin, if you don't mind.

Gender preferences in children I don't have any real opinion on. However, I do object to this:

Even before I had sons, I worried about having a daughter. I could handle boys, with their cut-and-dried needs, but girls were so much more complicated. Girls have elaborate hairstyling requirements. They whine and mope, manipulate and triangulate. How was I going to deal with that?

I don't know what to do with this. I just don't. And the rest of the article makes me equally uncomfortable. I can't tell what's pinging me so hard, except--you know. I can't think of any stereotypical boy behavior/themes that are treated with the same contempt as those for girls are.


Girls have elaborate hairstyling requirements. They whine and mope, manipulate and triangulate.

I... what? I would like to introduce her to my whiny, mopey, triangulating BOYCHILD with his devastating cowlicks, and then I would kinda like to slap her.

Oh my gosh, so this!!!!

My son is 3 1/2 and I would call him a drama queen, but, well, we don't know his orientation yet, so it might not be completely appropriate. He shrieks when he doesn't get his way. We have said, repeatedly, that he has a great future as an air raid siren.

His sister (all almost six months of her) is a breeze by comparison.

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Re: sorry..i just HAD TO

*falls over* I love you.

Wow. I really pity that child. My first reaction was, "I wonder if this column is enough to have child services intervene?"

I wince for the kid. Just. The "girls, eww" thing going on just freaked me out.

My knee-jerk reaction? She's bugfuck insane. I could get you a longer reaction after my incipient migraine goes away, but I think it'll be mostly the same. Sorry.

Here, I'll cheer you up. From a friend of a friend: Someone once said there would be a black president 'when pigs fly.' Sure enough, within Obama's first hundred days, SWINE FLU.

...that is the greatest joke ever!

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I'd like mixed gender, I think? I was one of three sisters, and it would have been nice to have a little variety in interaction, since my family is overwhelming female.

And now I'd like to read "Why I Didn't Want You For My Mom" by Daughter Wilson...

No joke. I would hate to read this if I were her daughter.

That flat-out horrifies me.

Frankly, when I have a child, I kinda hope it's a girl. My husband feels similarly. *g* We both feel like we have some idea of how to raise a girl in whom we can instill the values that matter to us. Boys totally freak us out! How would I raise a countercultural boy in a world where boys are so dominant? Gah!

(In all seriousness, when I have a child, I hope to God it's healthy; end of story. But I do feel better-equipped to parent a girl. And I'm appalled by this woman and her complete lack of understanding or empathy.)

(In all seriousness, when I have a child, I hope to God it's healthy; end of story. But I do feel better-equipped to parent a girl. And I'm appalled by this woman and her complete lack of understanding or empathy.)

This. Perfectly stated.

Sigh.

I can see where the author is coming from here. Probably based on her own negative interactions with girly girls. Worried she wouldn't get along with her own daughter. Which I get. But I suspect she'll find that even if her daughter is all pink ribbons and princesses, it'll still be her daughter, and her tolerance for it will go up - because it'll be her daughter.

I mean, my mom is very feminine, and I'm NOT. It's been a sticking point, over the years, but my mom has come to appreciate my wry sense of humor (so much like my dad's) and my matter of fact attitude toward things, and I've learned to temper my "get it fixed" as opposed to "understand feelings" attitudes when I'm around her.

I can kind of see where she's coming from too - I was nervous when I heard my baby was going to be a boy. But she says herself that she's not into princesses and pink poodle parties, whatever the hell they are, so she knows from personal experience that not all females are uber-girly.

I wonder a little bit how one of her boys would fare if they *did* want a pink poodle party.

this: elaborate hairstyling requirements. They whine and mope, manipulate and triangulate

describes my (male) other half pretty much perfectly. I can get out of bed, have breakfast, feed the baby and menagerie and be ready to go in the time it takes him to tease his hair into the (apparently) perfect configuration! No idea what she means by triangulate here...I thought it was to do with finding positions on maps, so maybe she's not quite as sexist as she sounds against her own gender if she's not falling into the 'women can't read maps' thing.

This woman is clearly a dumbass of epic proportions, and it's really sad to see, for her, for her daughter, and for her sons.

I confess to being mildly nervous when my 20 week scan said I was having a boy, because I grew up with two sisters in a very female household, but you know what? We played a lot of football and climbed trees and had scalextrics for Christmas, so I reckon I'll be okay. Just as long as he doesn't want me to braid his hair when he's bigger, because I wouldn't have the first clue how to begin!

Also? This totally counts as respect for your oversensitivity, so may I say how much I am looking forward to the filthy filthy porn?

also? and I really wish I hadn't clicked through to the article: I also worry that girls have it harder -- whether they're tomboys or wear tutus. I fear I won't know how to protect my child from a world that may often tell her that she's not good enough as she is.

Bang up head start on that Ms Wilson.

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Ha! I just said the same thing. She's so very self-aware, no? I really wish I hadn't read it, because now I am angry.

Ugh. I feel really bad for that kid. And that woman, so devaluing anything female or feminine.

And that woman, so devaluing anything female or feminine.

That and the stereotyping icked me out. I can think of a lot of reasonable reasons to be wary of a different gendered child after two of the same gender, but all of these are so--stereotyped and just eww. No.

Good. God. Self-hate, much? You know, if she would approach her new daughter as an individual rather than a stereotype, she might stop freaking out so much. I'm just sayin'.

You know, I have a niece and a nephew. The boy spends approx 200 times as much on hair products as his sister does. Niece buys her own clothes, thankyouverymuch, and yes, she's a clothes horse, but AFAIK has never owned anything pink or frilly that wasn't forced on her by her mother (who really wanted a fluffy girl). She's levelheaded, he's as flaky as a good pie crust.

On another note, my company went to Bath & Body Works and bought out their mini hand sanitizer lotions and were giving them out as we came in today. Which is cool and creepy at the same time. Should I set up my Elder Gods altar too?

Good. God. Self-hate, much? You know, if she would approach her new daughter as an individual rather than a stereotype, she might stop freaking out so much. I'm just sayin'.

This. God, this.

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How about this? Little boys always walk around nekkid with their dangley bits hanging out? Then around puberty they are just always playing with said dangley bits.

Child preferred my nylon slip. I still look back on that and wonder how I ever escaped notice by CPS.

... Why isn't she concerned that she might be raising the kind of boys that make it hard to parent a girl because you know men like that are out there? Girls aren't born into this world with troubles; troubles are lent to them by boys who, say, are taught at home to loathe women.

I'm just saying, having a girl at home they have to treat as a person might be the only saving grace for those two kids. Also, this, THIS is why Miss Manners says that you should always answer "We don't care as long as it's healthy" and let those two guitar-wielding women on Youtube choke on their own hipster scorn. Because YOUR DAUGHTER WILL READ YOUR COLUMNS SOME DAY. Though in this case it seems like she might go "well, yeah. I kind of guessed that from everything else that happened in my childhood."

WOW. HOW DID THIS GET PUBLISHED. My feminism, it hurts!

I don't even know. I kept expecting--something entirely different.