From winterlive: five ways arthur almost found out about merlin, but didn't. if you hear a "and one way he did" at the end of that, it's not my fault.
1.) Arthur isn't entirely convinced "strange localized atmospheric conditions" explains his leap over a tree. Merlin just looks at him.
(Arthur makes Geoffrey find every book they have on weather. Geoffrey seems shocked he knows how to read. It's humiliating.)
2.) The blowjob after almost convinces Arthur he imagined the entire "Merlin makes the castle move two inches to the left" during that entire asteroid situation. The world moved, yes, but Merlin actually is just that good.
(Actually, he is, almost disturbingly so. Like he can read Arthur's mind, or something. Which if course, he can't.)
(Arthur suspects this could be called denial now.)
3.) Arthur's not one to disparage his own awesome, but "walking through fire without a scratch" probably isn't among his many, many, God so very many talents. He thinks.
(Arthur has to take a second for that one. Because, really. Fire?)
4.) Merlin's pretty cousin who seduces him one afternoon while Merlin is mysteriously visiting his mother for no particular reason does not, in fact, look exactly like Merlin in all ways. The breasts, for one. Sure, he has to squint for that one to work, but yes, looks nothing like Merlin at all. Even the ears.
(Arthur's beginning to suspect this level of denial has officially become a lifestyle choice.)
5.) The dramatic and unseemly transformation of the noblewoman who uses a rather uncomfortable mind control spell (and forcing him to wear puce and purple, which is so hideous that he almost weeps when he realizes what he's wearing) to force him into a rather discouraging marriage for the purpose of taking over Camelot and then the world while Merlin says things like "I am going to turn you into a spider" (and then she turns into a spider, strange how that worked out).
(Arthur watches Merlin viciously burn the clothing, the mattress where the nuptial night was half-completed, the bedclothes, the bed hangings, the furniture she touched, the rugs she walked on, and every piece of crockery she looked at and thinks maybe, maybe it's about time they had a talk.)
6.) The first time Merlin fucks him, terrified and golden-eyed and shaking, looking at Arthur like a miracle, Arthur says, "Tell me" and Merlin says, "I love you" and "I'm a sorcerer."
(Arthur says, "Say it again."
Merlin says, "I'm a--"
Arthur says, "Not that one."
Merlin says, "Oh.")
From jujuberry136: Five people the 10th doctor decided not to ask to travel with him in the TARDIS.
1.) The Doctor hadn't really understood, you see, that Companion for some people (of the arachnid persuasion) translated to "soul bonded wife and mother of a thousand young", which was unfortunate as this discovery intersected with TARDIS repairs, and while Arachnol was quite articulate and intelligent, he never wants to see a spider penis being waved in his direction again.
(Nor is he hot to work out where it was supposed to go, as it seemed to dislike the existing orifices, and really, no. No. Dear God, no. That's thirty hours of running and hiding he's not getting over anytime soon.)
2.) So Cthulhu is in fact just as unpleasant as legends stated. Granted, there was that misunderstanding after that party at Lovecraft's, but still. Wouldn't think he'd hold a grudge, yeah? So did.
(And really, when your most interesting feature is driving men mad with a single look, well, no. Not to mention cleaning up the slime trails from his tentacles. TARDIS is still being a bit of a bitch about it.)
(It's a long story, but Arthur holding that damned magical sword to his chest and promising to find both his hearts in one stroke wasn't encouraging. Merlin laughing himself sick didn't help, either. Stupid humans. Mostly-humans. Arthurians. The legends lie.)
4.) Elizabeth of England
(She was brilliant, brilliant, a mind unlike any he had ever seen, a smile like the rise of the sun. He followed her for days that matched the years of her life, this brilliant, beautiful child who became the greatest queen Britain had ever known and always be alone. At the end of her life, he knelt by her bed and asked her if she wished he had asked. He showed her the stars, though, and told her of the world she had helped create, and held her hand when she died with a smile.
She told him, at the end--she told him that she'd never felt alone, not when she'd known he watched her.)
5.) Lex Luthor
(Lex suborned the TARDIS. Oh hell no.)