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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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bathrooms as a metaphor for life
children of dune - leto 1
So my original intent for yesterday was to come home and indulge myself in lots and lots of magical porn.

(It just occurred to me yesterday that indeed, this is the fandom that the Magical Healing Penis could in fact be a perfectly legitimate trope. I leave you all to mull this appropriately. And by that, I mean, people. Magical Healing Penis. Write that shit already.)

(Also where we can say "Dragons made them do it" and be totally canon-compliant.)

However. That did not happen. As around five-thirty, while looking happily at dinner, Child came to tell me that the bathroom is under two inches (two inches. TWO INCHES) of water with no end in sight.

I don't know how long it takes to turn one's bathroom into a shallow pond. But the toilet was doing its best to see that it become a lake. After an epic war with the shut-off thingie, there was two inches (Two. Fucking. Inches.) of water on my floor and we wo'nt discuss what happened to my boots because I will cry. Also, to the carpet outside both doors of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

So after embracing the wet-dry vac (that was--scary. Gallons of water people. Gallons), I came to two conclusions.

1.) Internal plumbing is evil.

2.) I really need a nap.

3.) That carpet better not mildew before I can finish getting it dry.

4.) Oh God, my boots. My boots. Never will I ever leave boots anywhere but a high shelf safe from the random possibility of flooding.

(WTF? How the hell was I supposed to anticipate random flooding of bathroom?)

In any event, life hard, wish for cookie, hate universe.

But. This made it better.

In Omne Tempus by giddygeek - Morgana/Gwen. Beautiful and bittersweet view of Camelot through its women and Morgana's place as untitled queen.

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Oh no! Sorry this happened. I had an apartment flood once when a pipe broke, and it was horrific.

*offers you a cookie*

*offers cocoa*

At least it was not at 3 in the morning? *flees*

Ack! What a nightmare! I was wondering where you were last night!

Oh dear god. I am so sorry. That's AWFUL!

Oh no!

In our recent apartment flooding, we learned that the pad under the carpet is super absorptive and that the water had spread a lot further than we could tell on the surface. They had to rip out the carpet pad in both our bedrooms and use giant dehumidfiers on the top carpet part for like, three days before replacing the pad. Have you gotten any expert opinion on your carpet? Seriously, we couldn't tell how bad it was.

There is no suck quite the same as the toilet overflowing suck (and why do the kids always have to be the ones to find it?). First time it happened at my very first apartment, I called my mother to ask what to do. She went on for a bit before saying, "I'm a half hour away, honey. You've already turned the knob, so there's nothing more to do other than clean it up..." and I'm sitting there going, "There's a knob?"

Hugs. Cookies. Alcohol.

I *suspect* that the reason kids are the ones to find it because they're usually the ones to cause it.

Ugh. Yeah, we had a leak from outside to the carpet once, and we had to have people come and use a giant hairdryers to make sure it didn't mildew. :-( Why doesn't the yellow pages list people by actual function? They totally need a page for OMG TOILET OVERFLOW HELP WET CARPET!!!

Perhaps you would be interested in a compost toilet? They are good for the environment, involve no water, and don't overflow?

Compost toilets - a whole movement you probably didn't know about - until now!

I was managing to avoid this fandom before you started showing up with your sexy, awesome recs!

Aww man, my toilet cistern flooded the bathroom here two days ago. Loud running water, there's a pool forming behind the toilet as I run outside with a torch and turn off the mains. It's only when I get back inside and see the small lake that is one end of the bathroom, that I realise that there's a tap on the cistern that I could have just turned off. Luckily there's so many gaps in the floor that the water drained fast, sounds like yours was much more of a bugger to deal with. I need a plumber and a new plastic thing, in the meantime I'm having to 3/4 fill the cistern each time I use the toilet.

Internal plumbing is evil.

Not only is it evil, it hates us. Why else would it save its worst disasters either for when they can cause water-destruction to all our most prized possessions and/or vital records, or for when the weather conditions make it impossible for even an emergency plumber to show up for at least 24 hours?

Damaged boots are sad, but porn is good.

No!!! Damaged boots??? That's awful, truely awful, I'd be devastated. It's not much but I offer porn to cheer you up...

Arthur licked down Merlin's spine, tasting sweat and skin and something that almost fizzed on his tongue, that head spinning, mad taste of Merlin.

He paused when he got to Merlin's arse and ran his hands up his thighs, feeling the hair crinkle under his palms before he got to Merlin's hot cock. It twitched when he pressed into his crack and Merlin made a nasty, throaty sound that made his own cock twitch. When he pushed his tongue inside, Merlin's fingers tore the sheets and all the candles in the room leapt alight. Arthur gasped as Merlin groaned and he squeezed his hands tighter and pushed in deeper and Merlin suddenly started to shiver and whimper and they rocked together in a mess of dirty flavours, jerking movements and soft cries that made his cock throb and his chest ache. Eventually though Merlin clutched at him, cried out sharply and spilt all over his hand.

The world stopped in that one perfect second as they sank into the mattress. Arthur nuzzled Merlin and was about to start dropping hints about his own aching cock when he smelt something strange. Later, he'd completely deny he screeched like a girl as he shouted, "Merlin! You've set the bloody curtains on fire!"


Urgh that sucks. The first apartment hubby and I lived in flooded as soon as we moved in. Apparently, when the tube for extracting the water from the washing machine is just sitting in the sink, and not attached to anything, it doesn't just magically stay in place *stabs landlord*

OK. My mind broke on the "magical healing penis". Then it went downhill from there. I am slowly being sucked into Merlin fandom. Doesn't help that I can't see it in any decent medium currently where I live. But still, it is very interesting. On the plumbing note, it is rather amazing that the smalls seem to have a trouble radar for flooding and house maintenance issues.

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