Seperis (seperis) wrote,
Seperis
seperis

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the new martyrdom for the middle class

Etiquette Hell, where I am currently reading about the seemingly common form of wildlife known as the Bridezilla.

Okay, even stripping away exaggeration, classism (you can kind of see that coming when the writer uses the words 'prestigious' with 'college' and 'tacky' with 'decorations', at which time I settle in to contemplate how snobbery seems to increase in direct proportion to how much one's husband is making), and what seems to be, in some cases, deeply seated personality disorders....

I give up. Do weddings really drive people crazy? I can do a ninety percent bullshit deduction and still be absolutely terrified of anyone engaged for the rest of my life. I pasted it to adannu (and boy, I wonder if she's speaking to me, we were both reading it as of seven this morning with a sense of disorientation. ), and what actually strikes me the hardest (hence my blankness), is that (almost) everyone writing in is just really, really stupid.

Here is the Generic Bridezilla Victim Profile--

1.) Asked to be part of the wedding, then beaten directly after while the bride yells MY DAY MY DAY MY DAY and then orders everyone to not get pregnant and searches out hideous dresses that could actually make burqas make a big comeback.

However, this is okay. The bride is stressed and OMG IT IS SUCH A HONOR.

2.) Hand tatting the bride's veil while she tries to strangle her directly after hand writing in calligraphy a thousand invitations on home-made paper made from extinct trees the OP chopped down and processed herself OUT OF LOVE.

(If you know what tatting is, you just winced so hard your fingers slid over the keyboard. Because only a masochist would try that. My mother, accomplished in some of the finest handwork I have ever seen and used to sell her extras, tried to break her tatting needle thing. We are lucky we do not own a smelt or something.)

However, this is okay. The bride is tired and OMG IT IS SUCH AN HONOR.

3.) Is not invited to any of the parties/some of the parties/all of the parties but expected to bring many gifts/one expensive gift/money. And is insulted/derided/mutilated with a ritual knife if these demands are not met.

However, this is okay. OMG IT IS SUCH A--really? I--don't know why, really.

4.) Spends thousands of dollars on airfare and hotel rooms, spends a week decorating for entirety of the wedding with handcrafted and professional level decorations without complaint, negotiates between wedding party, family members, and guests like a nuclear winter in the Middle East is on the line, and holds the bride while she cries because one ribbon is one tenth of an inch shorter than it should be. Then the bride drops her from the wedding party because at the weekly bridesmaid weigh-in, she has gained an ounce.

However, this is okay. Did I mention personality disorders?

5.) They go to the morning/afternoon/evening wedding where there is crappy food/minimal snacks/no food/poisoned kool-aid. Everyone stays.

No, really. And help clean up afterward.

OR

5b.) Is literally sent to the kitchen like a re-enactment of Cinderella to act as the entire wedding guest list's personal servant. There may be spitting involved, but oddly, no singing mice or glowing godmothers.

However, this is okay. Does anyone see a pattern?

6.) No one, other than the victim, sees anything wrong with this.

However, this is okay. Fuckall if I can figure this one out.

7.) Victim is accused by friends, family, guests, random passers-by on the streets, and during three separate seances of not being supportive of the bride.

....yeah.

8.) The bride does not send a thank-you note.

NOW SHE HAS GONE TOO FAR.

I'm serious. I--wait. I missed one.

9.) She's still a good friend!/At my wedding, she had better be a better bridesmaid!/She has turned everyone against me and I cut myself at night!/I married much better and she has forty-five kids and is divorced!/MY HUSBAND MAKES MORE MONEY! (there are a startling number of 'we are poor now (no comment) but that is because we are in college of course getting really awesome degrees' bridesmaids; strange.)

*hands*

I really can't even think of a conclusion here.
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