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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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It occurred to me that sometimes, I throw things out in my lj about my life and never post a follow-up. Personally, I barely remember what I do from day to day, must less remember how it turned out. But it's almost two and I'm tired and for some reason only known to the universe, I cannot sleep (shocking!) and then I was looking at my LJ for a post I did on something else and realized, there are things here that need to be updated besides my fic, which is languishing.

A.) Wireless Router Woes, in which I want to get a new router because mine is messing up.

The correct answer was given by circeniko suggesting that instead of buying a new router, change the channel. It has only dropped once since then. We will call her godlike now.

B.) It's Like Waiting For Vesuvius and Getting a Spring Shower, aka The Work Wiki

You will all be relieved to know the following occurred:

1.) It is so not done. In fact, it's not even started! Due to...
2.) They have petitioned for new staff because this is too much work and they just don't have the time, leading to...
3.) Me telling my boss give me three hours and the admin passwords to HHSC and I can get it done and running. Yeah, that didn't happen. But he thought it was funny. Also, seriously, new fucking staff? We barely get pens!

There is no wiki yet. Also, they refuse to give any of us admin access to the wiki they have not yet started, which you know, that's useful and wrong and I'm going to fix that because one of the tech guys is really nice and I'll bribe him with a jump drive because my projects are mine and taking this away is dangerous like whoa. You know. In a very non-violent way that is not any kind of threat, do I need to disclaim my pointless proclamations?

Government bureaucracy rocks.

C.) Beta Help Plz where I asked for a beta on a dS fic.

Okay, this one is tricky. I got my betas back. I read them. At some point between then and now, I completely lost confidence in the story. I have had, in effect, a crisis of fictional faith.

I find this troubling and hilarious, because how is that not funny? It's not like it has ever stopped me before; I bathe and breathe my incompetence with certain subjects in the firm notion that I don't mind being bad at it so much as being scared of it, which probably explains a lot. But yes. Loss of confidence. There. That baby is not moving. Kinda wanna kill it just to watch it die.

D.) Self-Destruction by Stock Market and Mutual Funds (various entries)

Still am not penniless and destitute. Am feeling bad for google, though. They are having a rough couple of months.

Other Stuff

So on one of my rare forays into the World Outside My Immediate Flist, which was a mistake....



Brown Sugar, No Thanks by emily_shore, which is about--I need a second here--a political pic comm which has questionable tags including such sterling and totally unracially-charged and classy terms as "brown sugar" and "spicy curry manwich".

Well, there's also the Nazi theme day thing, because we all need that little spurt of sheer unmitigated horror.

Add that to the Prop 8 horror (cannot find link, kinda wishing I could wipe the memory away) and I say humanity is in time out until, I don't even know. When it's not as terrifying to know they exist.



Nope. Still can't sleep.
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Okay, this one is tricky. I got my betas back. I read them. At some point between then and now, I completely lost confidence in the story. I have had, in effect, a crisis of fictional faith.

Oh dear. Which story? I'd offer to help in some way, but I know absolutely nothing about dS except there's a Mountie and a Chicago cop and they're in love or something.

*dies* I am beginning ot think I know less than that and I watched the show. *sad*

WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE FIC?!?!?! Seriously, that story was thisclose to postable. And I'm picky about my DS fic, really.

I don't know! I just lost my nerve. Or mojo. Or something. It's really freaky. I mean, I have all these ideas ready to improve, fix, etc? And I don't believe any of them.

Email me if you want -- certaintroublemaker at yahoo

I found more links. The stupidity makes my skin burn.

In re: C) God, I hope it's not a permanent loss of nerve - I really loved the story, and the idea behind it! It's a story that's important to say, because it's such a great extrapolation of what these two men would do - and what Vecchio would do - if things were different.

Please, please don't lose faith in your own ability. It's there, and it's totes fierce.

C) Oh dear. Please don't kill it? Please? I do love that story so much. (And now I'm feeling guilty, too.) Are any of the ideas you're having trouble with something you could bounce off of a beta? 'Cause I'm still here.

For what it's worth, I totally understand getting freaked out and reluctant to tackle a story that's giving you trouble. I get that this is not the normal state of affairs for you, but it is for me. (Kind of why I'm not all that prolific, to be honest.) But it honestly, truly isn't a reflection on the story in this case, I can tell you that much.

Maybe you should just put it aside for a little while, so you can come back to it with fresh eyes and say, hey, there was no reason for me to be twisting myself into knots about this, it's easy? Or, again, if you want to keep working on it, feel free to ask about ideas.

No, no, your beta helped. I was wishy-washy on it well before that, which is why I sent it with the flashbacks cut. It's--*waves hands*--I don't know. It's--I have to convince myself of the story before I release and hope I convince readers. I'm not convinced right now, if that makes any kind of sense.

And it's been extending to pretty much all fic for a while. It's very unbalancing, like I'm walking on my hands. I mean, usually during the writing I can convince myself, even if I don't know if the audience will be able to come along, but it's new to not believe myself. It'll return eventually.

But no, the beta helped show some of the spots I couldn't define, so that was not a problem at all. It was awesome. yes.

a political pic comm which has questionable tags including such sterling and totally unracially-charged and classy terms as "brown sugar" and "spicy curry manwich"
And that's exactly why I haven't joined that comm and instead sit on the sidelines, looking on in horror.

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