Government Seizes WaMu and Sells Some Assets
That'd be Washington Mutual, for those like me who said "Who the fuck is WaMu?" We have learned today that WaMu--okay, seriously, say that out loud, it rocks--WaMu is, and I quote, "the giant lender that came to symbolize the excesses of the mortgage boom".
Now, being most of us bloggers and writers, we all have to take a step back and admire the language.
seperis: I love how they use the word "seized".
svmadelyn: I know!
seperis: I SEE ARMIES OF ACCOUNTANTS SNATCHING LAPTOPS FROM CEOS!
svmadelyn: I have this mental image
svmadelyn: of them--YEAH
svmadelyn: boots tumbling down the stairs
seperis: AND THROWING PAPERS OUT OF FILE CABINETS
seperis: AND GRABBING RIFLING EXECUTIVE DESKS IN SLEEK BLACK FITTED JUMPSUITS
Carrying number two pencils, sharpened. As musesfool once remarked to celli, and this is a paraphrase, if you can't kill your enemies with a sharpened number two pencil, you don't deserve to be a CPA.
They are stabbing. And they like it.
The federal goverment has never been so hot. Seize more assets, baby. Bring it on.
In other news, JP Morgan is marrying any trollop it can get its hands on (seriously, does anyone else notice the language being used? Failing companies == ruined women in need of rescue; it's hysterical. The dowries are terrible; we must be doing this old school) while the Papa Feds apparently hold a shotgun to their back during the wedding.
Oh come on, like we all aren't wondering when economics, like physics, became a weird and kind of disorienting bdsm scene. I, for one, stare blankly and try not to rewrite this entire thing into an epic h/c fic, because I think it would make more sense that way. Or at least give me great personal amusement, the way my 457 account totally is not in a variety of ways.
For anyone who wants the short and simplified version in day by day format: The crisis: A timeline.
I love the fact that I can examine this from a narrative perspective far more easily than from a personal one. Financial death spiral. That's just beautiful.
ETA: Government Bailout in Disarray! - in the movie, I want Paulson played by Al Pacino. For the irony factor.
*lies down* Fuck retiring like, ever. The sheer entertainment value almost makes it worth it.