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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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anthrax - the sequel (and so much dumber)
children of dune - leto 1
My son nominated himself for a Darwin award at school on Monday by eating some white powder a kid offered him and four other boys.

No, really. That's how it happened. Didn't even know the kid's name.

I really need to repeat that. Ate some powder. Given by a kid he did not know. It was sweet and kind of sourish. So that narrowed it down from "Many major drugs and poisons" to "a smaller selection of rarer drugs and poisons". Which you know, was comforting, though granted, he'd taken it hours before, so whatever was going to happen would probably have happened.

So he got home, had a tragically bad case of diarrhea, and I tried to find the single most humiliating way to tell the principle about this (and work out wtf he'd eaten). Then I had a moment.

A moment of inspiration, if you will, when he said "It was called picana! Pica something!" Which reminded me abruptly to ask him what teh powder had come in. A little packet. In a big bag like lollipops come in. And powder + flavor + small packet with name pica on it....

Jesus. This. Or the lemon version. This stuff was popular when I was a kid, too, and sold by the packet at the local convenience store. And still is. There's also a surprisingly delicious strawberry and chili pepper ice cream bar made by the same company.

So he doesn't have anthrax. He does, however, have the memory of the long night of having to write out the series of events in autobiographical form three times and an hour of me explaining the various types of powder-related death and my first draft of a speech that I told him I'd give in front of his class about dramatic adventures in diarrhea.

This is going to make him anorexic, isn't it? Or not eat things randomly from packets from kids whose name he doesn't even know. I'm going to admit--I was ready for the sex speech and tolerance speech and religion speech and the speech on feminism and equality and racism and being a boy. I did don't talk to strangers, if kidnapped, bite for blood, kick for breaking things, and scream like you mean it. I explained good touch, bad touch, how to handle bullies, and why it's important to tell me. I covered homework.

I missed the mysterious white powder speech, apparently. Please add this to all parent curriculum plans in the future. Header "Darwin's Ways to Die".

Look at it as thing #5489 you can hold over his head for the rest of his life.

He has three or four copies of the narrative of what led to this. I'm keeping them all for future use.

I'm laughing with relief, and because it's so true. You never think of all the speeches.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT COMING? I actually gaped for a second, thinking, where did I miss that talk? It was surreal.

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*facepalm* I need to think up more detailed and highly terrifying speeches at some point. *shudders*

hee! Man, the number of dumb things I did as a kid that were perilous. Running races over giant tubes across concrete drains, playing "stuff each other in the freezer" and whether we could do the knife dancing trick or not.

I try not to reflect too much on my childhood, because Child is *way too much* like me and that can only lead to his life in a bubble.

It's wrong that I'm laughing, isn't it?

I had to leave the room when I realized what it was and giggle for a while. I waited on telling him since he was writing version two of his narration of events that led to his death.

I just--seriously. Random powder? God.

I think the mysterious white powder speech is in the same missing handbook as the why it's bad idea to snort pixie sticks speech.

...that speech is tomorrow. I need to make a list. Soon.

I can sympathize. Last year my son and another buddy came across a can of "something" on the blacktop called "Fart Spray." They were on their way to class so decided to pick it up, bring it to class, and then their curiosity got the better of them. They thought that it couldn't POSSIBLY be that bad, so they sprayed just a little. You know where this is going. The teacher had to immediately evacuate the classroom and no classes could be held in there for the rest of the afternoon. Fans were commissioned to rid the room of this truly horrible odor. So, TRUTH IN ADVERTISING!!!!!!!!!! If it says fart spray, believe it!

...oh dear God. No.


That must have been unreal.

*quickly adds that to speech list*

*Makes mental note to self* because Bean is really just that...Darwin-y. THANK YOU for taking one for the team!

I live to help.

*points up* pir8fancier mentions Fart Spray. Add that too.

I do have a "don't smoke random drugs you find in the park" speech worked out. Because, well, I knew people who did that in college. In the early 2000s, not 60s.

Middle school kids snorted altoids at my school. Yeah, I dunno, apparently mimicking drug taking is a way of dealing with the idea? A form of play-acting? Pretending to do what the big kids do?

*dies* Okay, that one I never would have thought of. Or the altoids!

*giggles helplessly*

That is a heck of a list of speeches.

I am just getting started. I feel he may need obscure warnings as well.

I laughed so hard I woke up my roommate and had to explain it to him. Just wait until chem class. At 15 i was dared to take the "asprin" we made. I did take it... So, um I am blaming that incident on my rapid decline ever since.

God, don't even say it. He has a chemistry set and there's something sealed in a tube that moves that's been like that for about a year. We are pretty much terrified to go near it.

*whimpers* Nonono.

This is going to look like Skippy's list when you're done, isn't it.

Maybe an anti-Evil Overlord list, of a kind.

When I first read this I could not get the picture out of my mind of your son eating some white powder and four other boys.

*chokes* See, though, we've talked about cannibalism. Don't ask. It--happened. I was ready for that.

At least it's not as bad (yet) as a good friend of mine, who's stories of his childhood always end with "...and then I woke up in the hospital." Including the time he got his hands on one of the *real* chemistry sets they used to sell and managed to somehow create chlorine gas.


Chlorine gas.

Count your blessings. ;-)

*facepalm* That, right there, is teh reason I showed him ammonia, bleach and why these were not experiment parts.

God. Chlorine gas. *boggles* I sometimes have nightmares about Sarin being reinvented in our bathroom one night.