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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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child in review
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Amazon, in a cheering turn of events, emailed me to cancel my order for Breaking Dawn so as to reorder it and get it on Saturday. This is pleasing to me in a variety of ways, not least of which is I get to have my fix of Epic Teenage Vampire Romance conveniently on Saturday evening.

I'm weirdly apathetic today. Granted, it's been an exciting week and all, which makes sense, but there's also a dim feeling of "do something".

However, in Daily Oversharing.

How to Torture Eleven Year Old Fanboy Sons Who Won't Give Back Your DVDs

1.) Flatten his hair down when he isn't paying attention, remark how much he looks like Kowalski in Asylum.

2.) Tell him he's grounded from participating in the Mars mission in 2025.

3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.

4.) Tell him Buffy doesn't like dinosaurs.

How He Will Enact Revenge

1.) Calls you to the living room saying his stomach hurts during the part in Anaconda 3 where that guy is being eaten by the snake.

2.) Announces he wants to become a Republican.

3.) Comes into your room every five minutes to show you a new balloon he's filled with a different not-air substance while you are reading porn. Specifically, stuff involving whips and some kind of electrical device.

4.) Continues to deny knowledge of where dS season two is, despite the fact the box is on his desk sans disks.

*sighs*

Most recently, he wants to get a myspace. My sister has one for her eldest daughter (age six) that is locked to family and close friends. My entire family is on myspace, including ex-BIL, ex-BILs ex-gf's, my other sister, her ex-boyfriend, and a variety of people who make me faintly nervous. Which is why I am here and never ever there.

So he wants a myspace. I ignored him due to a.) age restrictions and b.) there really isn't anyone in his age group on there and c.) the layout offends my aesthetics in so many ways. The third time he asked, I finally cut a deal--he would bring me notes from the parents of his friends that had the kids' usernames and permission, and I'd set him one up. I'm curious if he'll follow through with it when school starts. I'm not entirely sure he actually wants one--I get the feeling this is the beginning of a bargaining session of some kind.

He has also been banned from a small local amusement park for crashing bumper cars. To say I am proud is an understatement. This is mostly because apparently, my offspring shares my lack of grace and my ability to crash into things. I mean, there was a reason my frat tried very hard to give me the official nickname of crash.

Very apathetic. I'm even listening to A Perfect Circle and I got nothing.
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He has also been banned from a small local amusement park for crashing bumper cars.

But.... isn't crashing the point of bumper cars?

My elder two have MySpace pages. But they're college age. My youngest (not-quite-15) does not have one (yet). And the Daughter has - I assume, from lack of activity, as I occasionally stop by their pages just to snoop check on things) moved to Facebook, which makes me feel a *little* better as it offers better lock-down protection. Or at least I think it does. MySpace... I'm with you. It's ugly and nearly impossible to read, let alone navigate.

That. I've been passively going through some of the social networking sites to see which I should get him. But myspace is just--no. I hate reading in it and it's flashy and ugly and *ick*. *twitch*

Yanno, I could add a cutting remark here, but it's just too easy, and I've never been one to kick somebody when they're not only down, they're down under a kid's shoe. At least mine was female, and by eleven was writing slash.

HE WROTE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET FANFIC TWO YEARS AGO!

HA!

(Deleted comment)

Not sure if this is going to sound strange, but...

I would like to say that reading your accounts of child-raising makes me so, so much less terrified about one day having children of my own. I have no real idea about your personal/familial situation, but whenever you say stuff like, "I had to armwrestle my child for the Due South DVDs, and I totally won because I'm twice his size, I rule," I think that maybe it would be OK for me to have kids one day, too. Because I've always gotten the impression that you had to be v. serious and hypersensitive and humorless to have children, and if you weren't, you were a Bad Parent.

But you are so clearly planning on, I don't know, putting a dead fish in the back of your child's car the first time he takes a girl out so that he won't get any ideas about backseat shenanigans, and when he comes home all mad, you will completely pretend you didn't do it and blame it on one of his friends. And I mean that as a compliment! It's like you've managed to hold on to your awesomeness even while reproducing. I didn't think that was possible before.

Re: Not sure if this is going to sound strange, but...

*G* Actually, I'm playing his ultrasound for his date before they leave. If anything will turn off even the hope of getting any, it's watching the pen show his various parts while I gush about his excellent bone structure. He knows it, too.

...but now, I think the fish sounds really good. *marks down*

To be honest, he's a good kid, and he's easy. Now teenage years are going to be the trick. *winces*

And thank you. That's one of the nicest compliments anyone has ever given me. Honestly.

Announces he wants to become a Republican.

We spent an evening with friends when they were expecting their son, discussing the problems our children would have with rebelling against authority.

I mean really, the normal avenues are part of our standard home life. Punk music is a solid chunk of mommy's library and if he chooses to go the eyeliner and black fingernail polish route, well, he can borrow mine. When he decides he wants a tatoo, the deal is that yes, he can, but mommy and gramma are getting the same one in the same place at the same time ("How sweet! Family Bonding!"). That oughta kill the urge.

On the other side of the family, his Daddy's the athletic type as well as a gun-toting Republican and if he wants to wear pastels and play tennis, good, he and his cousins on that side of the family can make a day of it at the country club, maybe hit the driving range in the evening.

And we all play D&D. Not only would we cheerfully encourage mad science, his father would go with him to buy an extra bottle of Diet Coke and pack of Mentos and I'd be delighted to help diagram time travel devices on posterboard for science fair projects.

The poor kid's going to have to get really creative to rebel when he's a teen, I'm afraid.

Re: Announces he wants to become a Republican.

*dies laughing* Yes, this. He'll have to *research*. I love it!

So...how much encouragement (baked goods, financial, or otherwise) would it take for you to write up "The Chronological Guide to Raising a Proper Fanboy"? You know, with timelines and age suggestions as when to tease with Star Wars, and segue into Buffy and BSG?

Mine's almost 4, and he's all over the classic Disney (Lion King, Little Mermaid) and Pixar (Monsters Inc, Toy Story 1 & 2, Finding Nemo [not Cars, yet, because we're afraid of the merch monster still lingering in stores]) oeuvre. I am positively jonesing to start him on a more rigorous sci-fi and fantasy entertainment schedule.

I love Disney and Pixar like you have no idea. That stuff is *crack*. I never mean to watch, and then it's two hours later and me and Child are sacked on the floor all "Oh heck yes." It's the weirdest thing.

You know, I don't remember *when* I showed him Star Wars. *blinks slowly* It was near the release of the the first prequel, I know that, but...hmm.

It's *great* when they hit sci-fi. He does research. It's *fantastic*.

Heh. My brother who just graduated from high school and my cousin who's going into her senior year both have had facebook pages for a few years. Personally, I think high school is probably Soon Enough, given possible middle school shenanigans involving myspace. I am kind of glad that no one had internet or digital cameras back when I was in middle school, though, granted, boys aren't NEARLY as bad as girls are about that sort of stuff.

I also object to myspace on principle.

Man, digital cameras and camcorders have led to such tragedy.

He's already a fanboy! At 11? You've done well!

There's a good chance our eldest (10) is at this point: During SGA Search and Rescue, when John finds out Rodney's alive, he exclaimed, "All this time he didn't know? The poor thing! His Rodney was alive and he didn't know."

Even our youngest (9), the flaming one, gave him a look of WTF.

Both our boys have blogs, and they post very limited info on them. Rule is they type it up and it has to be reviewed by us first. All online time is monitored because we're mean like that. They have pre-approved sites and have to check with us before they leave them to go somewhere else. If we catch them on a different site, they lose access for a month. Surprisingly, they have been pretty good about this.

Huh. Actually, a blog is an interesting idea. I need to check with his school and see if they have any web programming classes coming up. Working with a blog would be a good way to learn.

Your child appears to be extremely creative and also have a little bit of the devil in him - like his mama (poor Hutto Hippos). I love your stories about him - your house seems like a very, very fun place to be.

He's so good natured it's worrying. Luckily, he fights with his cousins regularly and stresses us with finding new and creative ways to explain how taking out the garbage will lead to his untimely death.

Becoming a Republican ...now that is a threat my daughter hasn't tried yet. Good thing. I'd probably buckle.

I felt a chill myself.

Fanboy Son has Flanigan hair? Srsly?

How can he look at McCain and think Republican = cool??!

He has *very cool* hair. Very thick and kind of works with anything. I've been trying to make it stand up but right now it takes industrial strength gel to get it. Maybe when it's shorter.

3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.

Have i mentioned how you and Child are, like, my ideal parent-child relationship? Because, really, using Jack/Ianto or dinosaur-disliking-Buffy to (try to) get the reaction you want is MADE OF WIN.

Which is why I am here and never ever there.

Out of about 300 employees of my prison, around 100-150 of them have myspace accounts. Which is why I don't want to be on there.

Mind you, someone (svmadelyn, possibly, but it's early in the morning for me and my memory's shot) mentioned that using flicker and myspace and lots of links between them was a good way of hiding your real name (if it had been attached to fannish stuff -- lots of links to stupid stuff will push the fannish mention to the second page of google results, so ta-da, most people won't look for it). So I'm considering getting a myspace (even though I hate it and think it's Stalker101) for that reason alone.

*nods* I was thinking on that too. Luckily, I've googled my name and it's pretty spread out wiht a lot of people. Even in this city, weirdly enough. But it's something to think about.

My daughter is 29, a banker, has never even gotten a speeding ticket, collects CareBear memorabilia, and doesn't know slash from Slash. I don't know where I went wrong. *sobs* How did a fuck up like me raise such a nice girl?

However, it's very easy to whip guilt on her when she forgets my birthday. I scored a major, major Amazon gift certificate this year. (NB: She pulls the same shit on her boyfriend. At least something stuck.)

*dies laughing* Oh awesome.

Is "avoid bumping the bumper cars" the new 21st century rule? I don't understand!


3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.


2.) Announces he wants to become a Republican.

Both of you are really mean.

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