Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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mountain dew == spawn of darkness?

So I have discovered Mountain Dew is not friendly when I lose concentration while reading a sex scene. In McShep! And it's not scary or bad!

Little known fact. Me and caffeine == OTP. Also, interesting side effect; being taken off caffeine for oh, say, three and a half days makes me very, very twitchy. First and second day are lethargy and comatose respectively before my body adjusts to the horror and overcompensates in dramatic ways for what it feels I am missing in my life. I could say I figured this out in some normal healthy lifestyle way, but I actually discovered this when my parents secretly changed to decaf and I couldn't work out why I wanted to die, had a headache, couldn't move off the couch, was faintly nauseated, and couldn't write legibly even by medical standards (very low standards indeed). Followed by a horrifying week of bouncing in place at my desk, people worriedly discussing drug problems, and a few days of very strange sleep.

Actually, I worked this out the second time they did this. Yes, that does make me sad to know.

It's like this--theoretically, am I a medical professional? No--I like to keep a certain level of caffeine in my bloodstream, like any good addict. We are not fond of variation or change. However, going too far either way can be strange and mystical (no-doze, very strange, vaguely religious) and deeply wrong (did I mention withdrawal headaches and comatose?).

Moutain Dew is my Deeply Wrong. For the life of me, though I can't figure out why. I am twitchy, irritated, and faintly dislike the color orange right now. I drink coffee which apparently has far, far more caffeine and am fine, but Mountain Dew feels wrong, though not Pepsi One level wrong (may I repress that day of horror, dear God), or ginseng Snickers wrong (God, that was wrong. That was incredibly not mystical at all. Also, yes, ginseng Snickers. And of course I tried it. I like ginseng! I like chocolate! Apparently though, not together, who saw that coming?) and not quite diet soda level wrong (that is so unfair I can't even deal with it rationally).

Also, this explains the last few days where I took a can to work and felt strange and filled with a bitter dislike of graphs.

I continue to share culinary adventures with the class.

Seriously. Mountain Dew? Why? Red Bull didn't bother me! (That may be a lie; I can't remember resenting it recently.) I hate the universe. Even though no, I do not find it tasty and normally never get it, I resent the fact it exists. It's like Folgers Coffee--I never loved it, but the fact it now makes me sick makes me loathe humanity. Except for the Simply Smooth variety. Which is my triumph over something, God knows what. Adversity? Good taste? Gah.

Why is food slowly turning against me?

Does anyone see me in twenty years having to live off whole foods I grow myself (like, green beans and parsley and mint, basically; I am not green in thumb) and raw caffeine I have to extract in an underground illegal lab or something? I am seeing this and I find it creepy.
Tags: food, random
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