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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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it's like a very textual christmas
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Stolen from brown_betty, and seriously, can you breathe? I can't breathe. I am laughing too hard.

Review of Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable at Amazon. Currnet cost?

$499.99


Sample:
I installed one of these cables between my gigabit ethernet switch and my Canon Pixma 6700 color printer. I know it's not a sanctioned use, but I was looking for the ultimate in speed and color fidelity. I'm freaky that way.

The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office....


Yeah. This is the greatest review ever.

...and there are nineteen pages of these. No, really. These? Awesome.

ETA: IT BREAKS THE SPACETIME CONTINUUM!

This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.

I don't have much time. This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be--


CANNOT. BREATHE.

ETA 2: IT CREATES NINJA TURTLES!

Is it possible that these cables are the earthly embodiment of perfection? I though so.

Like an idiot I didn't follow the instructions that came with the cable. Instead, I "accidentally" ground them up in a blender along with a pile of Monster cables. What came out was a green, glowing, runny substance. I wasn't sure what I could do with it, so I threw it out of house and onto the garden. What happened, no one could have expected.

Apparently most of the ooze found its way onto a family of turtles. It began to physically change them. It has been two weeks now and I have four teenage turtles in my house constantly breaking things with their martial arts. I'm about out of pizza and would like Denon to explain how these seemingly flawless cables could have caused such a problem. I read all of the warnings and didn't find anything in them about not blending them up and pouring it on turtles. I would like a full refund, or at least, Denon to cover my pizza bill.


Breathing. For. WIMPS.

I love Mondays so much.

ETA 3: IT BRINGS BACK THE DEAD!

When I received the credit card bill for this totally amazing cable, a miracle occurred. The sheer horror of her grandson squandering money caused my thrifty grandmother to turn over in her grave and awake to life to come warn me that I needed to watch my finances more closely if I wanted to survive the impending financial troubled times descending upon our country. It's miraculous restorative properties have given her another ten years of life according to my doctor.
Tags:


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This is wonderful. I am sending it to all.

SPREAD TEH WORD. THE PASSION IS UPON US. THE CABLE. THE CABLE IS HERE!

Nice.

Didja see the "Tags Customers Associate With This Product"?

*snicker*

Thanks for sharing. I needed a laugh.

it made my Monday so much brighter.

There was something I was going to say but my mind got wiped by the LULZ!

TOTALLY AWESOME DUDE!

The guy who made the comment about the wire finding his girlfriend's g-spot...pure gold.

I swear, the standard of comedic literacy in some of the product reviews on Amazon is better than that of the products they sell.

Oh, now this is a link that just keeps on giving. LOL These "reviews" are great! Mondays need things like this. :)

It makes Monday perfect. I really want to declare Monday to be Mindless MOnday, in which everyone must find something funny to post.

Haha this is grea, I loved this one

As a member of the board of a certain marketing firm hired to promote a certain digital cable, I'd like to clear up a few misconceptions.

First of all, to you people talking about "zeros and ones", and "on and offs". Are you insane? I hate to burst your bubble, but music is comprised of something called "notes", often organized into "chords", and expressed by playing "instruments", and singing "vocals". Numbers are for counting.

You may be interested to know that this entire project began because we were searching for a way to get "Hootie and the Blowfish" to sound better. We spent untold hours and hours downloading and playing this band through several vehicles, only to find that this inevitably resulted in an unnatural urge to hit ourselves in the head with a hammer, over and over again. This is called "Market Research".

Finally, when we were forced to agree that there was no technology on earth that could make "Hootie and the Blowfish" sound better, we resorted to a complicated marketing strategy called "Let's make it more expensive". And then someone raised their hand, and said,"Let's make it WAY more expensive". And that person is our new Vice President.

So we did, and do you know what? Listening to "Hootie and the Blowfish" through our cable actually does make the band sound better now. And do you know why?

Because even that is better than saying you wasted $500.00 on a cable.

I'm still reading and laughing, but I LOVE THIS ONE:

After I took delivery of my $500 Denon AKDL1 Cat-5 uber-cable, Al Gore was mysteriously drawn to my home, where he pronounced that Global Warming had been suspended in my vicinity.

Yes, I had perfect weather: no flooding, no tornadoes, the exact amount of rain necessary, and he pronounced sea levels exactly right and that they were not going to rise within five miles of my house.

Additionally, my cars began achieving 200 mpg and I didn't even need gasoline. I was able to put three grams of cat litter into the tank and drive forever.

What's more, the atmosphere inside my home became 93% oxygen and virtually no carbon dioxide. In fact, I now exhale oxygen.

One heck of a cable.

Didn't notice any improvement in audio quality though.

This quite possibly saved my Monday from being TheGrantIsDueInLessThan36HoursPANIC!Monday which is of course the worst Monday ever.

The ones on the pen are brilliant, and the one on the Ring Cycle... erm... penetrating, but it's the ones on the milk - actual short stories, and well written, about milk (sort of) that really got me.

I like Wonder Woman's review as well. Excerpt: With the savings I was able replace the golden lasso with a pair of these cables. Not only do they force people to tell the truth just like my old lasso, but with these cables they tell the truth in perfect pitch - MUCH BETTER.

Marked down 1 star because it still won't let you do the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.
DAMMIT.

Love how it cured Global Warming.

That is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I'm in actual pain. Ow.

I don't know what to think about the fact that the internet has produced this sort of Amazon-review flash-mob, other than that I am lucky to have been born in this age.

That may be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

How are there that many insanely witty, wittily insane people drawn to review the same bogus product at one time?

OMG THE CABLE THE CABLE THE CABLE IS TOTALLY DOING IT.

LOL! Oh, god, those are wonderful! Though I'm particularly fond of this one:

Like a fool, I bought these cables on a whim because of the low price. However, I got what I paid for when I installed them in my TARDIS. Before long it shorted out my chameleon circuit and Amazon refuses to pay for repairs! I guess it'll be stuck looking like a 1963 police call box until I can somehow get enough money for a replacement.

XD *dies*

But you do not even mention the mind-boggling Amazon discount of $1, bringing it down from the value price of $500.99 to a ridiculous, complete steal of $499.99 only!

Well done, Denon and Amazon marketing teams: way to sell transform this item into a best-seller ("It'll sell like hot cakes if we give a deep enough discount, trust me!")

*the page is down BTW... woe!*

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