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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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denim is my friend
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Did I tell anyone about my last adventure in shopping for jeans?

About twoish months ago, I decided that it was time for a change. Now, I know we've talked about me, body issues, and jeans before. I will just say again--I do not care what television tells you about height, long legs, and the awesome, it is a lie. If your legs are more than half your height you look weird. And you will never, ever find a pair of jeans that are long enough, even when you are buying cropped. It is never, ever less than a vale of tears.

Here is basically what I look for in the perfect pair of jeans.

1.) Fits.
2.) Can fall asleep in when too lazy to make an epic journey to the dryer for pajamas (happens? A lot.)

I'm a simple girl. Who is tall.

After clutching the last of my jeans and realizing that no, they were not going to survive much longer, I girded my loins, picked up my credit card (such a bad idea), and went to Dillards.

Now, here's a fact that's probably self-evident to any woman. It is never a good idea to go shopping knowing what you want. That is pretty much a guarantee it will a.) not be there b.) be there but be the utterly wrong, wrong, wrong style c.) not fit or d.) but will fit if you i.gained five pounds or ii. lost five pounds. Because as we all know, for some reason, the fashion industry really, really believes if they keep telling us we are size 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, our bodies will suddenly realize this and not keep doing stupid shit like our waist is happy at ten but thighs at eight and hips at eighteen. So to speak.

And if you are above five eight, you are always too tall for everything in the store. What the hell?

After two horrifying hours, I clutched two horrible pairs that I knew I would not buy, but by God, I had to try. A middle aged, very short saleswoman glanced up from doing something arcane and magical with the hanger to glance at me.

Now, fact two. The laws of physics were broken that day, because if there is a single great rule of shopping, it is that if you need a salesperson, they will not be there, but if you want them to leave you alone, there will be four hovering over your ass and making sure you aren't fingerprinting the merchandise.

So imagine my shock when she asked, "You looking for jeans?"

And I said yes.

Forty five seconds later, I was in a dressing room with five pair of jeans that fit. Five! Five! While the saleswoman asked my mother "So does price matter to her?"

So here are the two things we have to be grateful for after that terrifying moment:

1.) The words "True Religion" never appeared anywhere near me or wow, would I be set back in credit card payments. Big time. Because I was way too excited to care about that "money" thing. Which you know, probably would have been bad. But I had jeans that fit and frankly, when one is in a jeans-daze, one cannot do simple math. Or remember say, oh, food money.

2.) Well, see one.

However, this weekend, I do another trek into the dark wilds of the mall in search of--yes, jeans. And this time, I'm kinda scared. She knows me. And I know she can find me my grail.

--$350 jeans? Really? Really?


Bwuh?

Last year I shelled out a hundred dollars for a perfect pair of jeans, muttering to myself over and over that they were wonderful and if I wore through the seat, I'd patch them dammit.

$350? The last time I paid that much for clothing, it was for a set of armor.

I think my highest were 85 and 78 respectively. And I *clutched* them.

..seriously at 350, I want a private fitting as well, you konw? And now I want an armored leg too. Hmm.

Suggestion: since you know the exact make, style, size of the jeans you want, do a quickie search for them on eBay. You may just luck out and find a seller who is cleaning out her closet of "those jeans I bought but never lost the 10 lbs. I was supposed to lose to fit into them." I've lucked out majorly this way many times.

Hmm. I've looked casually on Craigslist, but I didn't think of ebay. OOh.

I got a GREAT pair of True Religion Jeans this weekend on sale for 120, I held on to them for dear life until I had that receipt in my hand..TR jeans on sale..it's like GOLD!

...I really *hate* you right now.

GOD. WHERE?

I can NEVER find jeans that fit!

I'm tall as well and have had the same problem. What I do is I buy Gap or Eddie Bauer online, in their Tall cuts. And I'm 5'10"/size 8-10 and I haven't had a sizing issue yet. Plus, prices not in triple digits? A good.

I've had very good luck with the ebay thing too, as has my mother, who recommends adding "Like New" to your search criteria. (Also, I'm still giggling with delight at deeply moved by your description of your trials.)

(Deleted comment)
These are an amazing fit for our body type, and really really in style now. I am totally getting some. They're pricey, but they fit so beautifully.

Hmm. I'm around 5'7, and I tend to go for Levi's 518 long in juniors sizes.

The railer cut is somehow looser than the others. Do not ask why. Just pray to the denim gods.

jcp Levis

They're low cut - but that means they don't have to really fit at the waist, they can slouch around the hips a bit. And a belt is sometimes mandatory.

There's no more love for the short, either.

I'm still trying to figure out how I can be 5'1" and too tall for petite jeans.

Since I started wearing jeans again (two years? three?), my lame solution has been to go the Gap, find jeans I like on the sale rack, then take them to the tailor to get a few inches chopped off. On the plus side, it doesn't matter what length I get since even the ankle ones need to be taken up.

Pretty much, yeah. I'm short (5'3" - technically the high edge of petite) and wide and what is marketed as capris cut off right at the ankle, too low to be fashionably capri, too high to be jeans, but the "petite" jeans are so low rise that they pretty much stop an inch above my thigh. Sigh.

And the designers assume that anyone wearing a size sixteen must be 6'2", so a blouse has bust darts in places that I don't have bumps and sleeves that reach mid thigh.

So I wear skirts and fold up the sleeves of my twin set cardigans a lot.

I thought I was over fighting for sizes until the last two times I needed jeans. Size 8's apparently vary between size-too-small-to-fit-a-thigh-in and size-too-big-to-even-belt-around-my-waist. Ended up with a size 10 for one, but refused to go up to a 12 for the other when my old 8's still fit. Most depressing thing I ever did was try pants on overseas. Did the conversion for the sizes and could not get one pair over my knees, let alone thighs.

Bonus for finding jeans that fit. Double-bonus if there are under $100 each. I miss my days of $25 jeans...

My family, who are all short, go on and on about how I should be grateful for being tall.

If only they knew what a hassle it is to get jeans or pants that don't end somewhere mid-calf. What really pisses me off is the fact that in the UK, you can get 'long' in sizes up to 18 in most shops. Any bigger round the waist - like me - and you are screwed unless you go in the shop the day the one pair of size 20s in that length went on the rail.

I guess you can tell I haven't purchased jeans (or have gone to a regular clothing store) in almost two decades - I had absolutely no idea what being religious ("True Religion") had to do with denim pants. I kept reading your post trying to figure out what you meant.

Thank goodness for informative comments.

Now I can just try to absorb the sticker shock. My last pair of jeans cost me, I *think*, $25.

As a fellow tall person- I'm 5'11 1/2" and also "plus" sized- I, too, have a heck of a time find clothes long enough.

I have had incredible success with the JC Penny Tall catalog. My mother has been ordering it for me for years and I have gotten some amazing items from it in the past. All of my suits came from that catalog.

Their return policy is great for mail ordering- if it doesn't fit, it's easy to get the item back to them and get a different size. Great jeans, the swimsuit section is amazing, esp if you have a long torso, and the "dress" clothes are great looking and long enough as well.

Oh goodness! which store may I ask? What was the inside leg? At 6ft2 I just don't bother as a rule but I know that it means I sometimes miss some gems..

I do not care what television tells you about height, long legs, and the awesome, it is a lie. If your legs are more than half your height you look weird.
If you're tall and your legs are more than half your height, I'll agree, you do look a little weird. But if you're short and your legs are more than half your height, give up. Give up now, because you will never find pants that fit you well. EVER. If JESUS came to the store with you to shop for jeans or dress pants (dress pants are the worst), he would throw his hands up in despair and go get drunk in the mall fountain.