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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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okay, one more. Probably
children of dune - leto 1
Okay, so not last link, but I really loved this one:

A Straight Geek Male's Guide to Interaction with Females by timjr -- I liked a lot.

And bonus in the comments that made me laugh:

Hmm, I had been thinking about writing such a post. Now I can be lazy and just link it far and wide across the land, spreading it to our less enlightened brethren, who still live in darkness and filth.

And darkness caused by filth.

Seriously, guys, deodorant is cheap. I shouldn't be so much higher on the ol' attractiveness scale just because I follow basic hygiene.
--vampirehunter85, on hygeine, here

ETA: (I'm like a junkie)

"sex-positive". what a loaded term by synedochic -- fantastically informative, insightful, and explanatory for those, like me, who were geeky and yet managed to not stumble over geek culture all that much in the real world. And other stuff. I am explaining it badly. Go read.

Okay now. Is it just me, or--I have to admit, I'm almost grateful for this mess. In the last three days I've learned a *lot* and more importantly, learned how very much I actually don't know (which is far, far more). I'd say it's embarrassing, but I'm too excited at the wealth of information being basically handed to me as a gift to even go there. Some of this is primer level stuff, some of it is far above my current understanding, and none of it beyond what I can learn. So you know, thank you internetz. The responses have been awesome.

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(Deleted comment)
Yes! I am just *marinating* in what's out there to read. Eveyr day I find like, five new posts on this and linked to a million others on tangentially related, and it's, well, like Christmas. It's pretty damn amazing.

Loved it! its what helps to make the original ugliness more bearable, that the people who know better are speaking up and sharing each others concerns and just basically ~communicating~ and ~instructing~ :)

Whilst wandering around, I found this bit that has some interesting comments too...

I love you. *glee* Thank you! I think I missed this one!

I have a note to myself to link Syne's post, too. Her distinction between "sex-positive" and "getting-laid-positive" made LIGHT BULBS go off in my head because yes, that. I've been in those conversations where I KNOW the guy is palming a card but I couldn't put my finger on where... and yeah. THAT.

Yes! It was clarifying, wasn't it? I never knew what to call it or even if I imagine it. It's the Skeeve Effect or something. That weird shiver of 'this doesn't quite feel like your words suggest.'

Yup. "You talk like an ally... and yet, my skin crawls."

*sigh* I actually pondered once, eons ago, that maybe one of the reasons I write slash and not het is because I just don't fucking want to deal with gender politics. And then naturally, because I happened to mention power imbalances and yadda yadda, I had some guy stomp into comments to tell me all about how many strong women he knows and oh, god, SO NOT THE POINT.


synedochic's post was fabulous! She gave me a vocabulary that I didn't have before. And her pegging of the inherent problem of using the phrase "open source" -- namely, that it implies perpetual and commutative permission -- really nails it.

Hell yes. Yes yes yes. It just--lightbulb. It opened up a lot of confusion I've had with interactions that looked fine on the service. Totally the differnece is the Skeeve Effect or something.

Tangent - I'm not getting the whole "wearing green" thing. You've mentioned it before, I've heard references to it in books for a few years, but could never pull all the threads together. What does it mean?

For the project thing, wearing a green button meant yes, ask to touch my boobs, and a red button meant no, do not ask.

Ah. See, everytime I think I've got an answer to the green thing, it turns out to be a coincidence.


It was way down in the essay, when they took it to the second conn and moved it to public.

Right there with you. Original event and backpeddling and flurry, bleah. Miles of good reading, new vocab, new ways to define this and explain it, and five more people added to my friends' list-- yay!

Also, did you read Ninevah-UK's Harriet Vane fic of this whole kerfluffle?


And God yes. The reading, the vocabulary, being able to clothe those uncertain feelings finally in words adn being like "Oh. Yes. I *know that feeling*." It's amazing.

I swear, I was *high* half the week with this stuff.

It isn't just you.

In the past week I have been angrier than I have been in a long long time, but yea, I've also learned a lot. Including about who I am grateful to have on my side, and who uhm, not.

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