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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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this day doesn't rhyme
children of dune - leto 1
To do a final roundup of the Boob Idiocy, because as of now, I will use the words open source in relation to this over my dead body (and breasts), Unfunny Business at Journalfen has a really good roundup of a variety of the links.

Separately, Scalzi's blog has an interesting commentary (a year ago, I didn't even recognize his name; now I can pick his name out of a line-up and quote lines from his blog. I find this funny on a variety of levels) here.

There are quite a few good commentors, a few oppressed people (I won't go through and gender everyone that annoyed me; I am not that strong), and a precious male horrified by the idea of anyone, anywhere, regulating his behavior in public. Because it's hard not to fuck or fondle someone in a public space and rights are being infringed on.

I lose sleep every night thinking about that. I also don't know what to do with that. I think stare in wonder at this miraculous place he lives--where he can do anything ANYTHING in public, and those gosh darn prudes aren't gonna change that. No sir. Not while he can stand his ground for freedom. And truth. And justice. And--public groping? Constitutionally protected, even.

Link to start, but the conversation is ongoing from beginning of the blog to end, so probably need all entries to work out what the hell.

And this, this I liked.

104. Josh Jasperon 23 Apr 2008 at 12:23 pm

#93, Bruce Baugh

One thing that does disturb is how little a lot of fannish guys actually know about how much entirely warranted fear is a part of many women’s lives.

If they thought about it, they might have to take time to consider how the day to day actions and comments they make create a supportive atmosphere at the least, and sometimes directly contribute. And worse still, if they *really* thought about it, they’d realize that women like Kate Nepveu and Sarah Monette know more about it than they do, in a way that they’ll never fully appreciate. And that unlike all women, men have the luxury of just not worrying about stuff like that.

They might have to look at their beloved F/SF and consider how it too might in many cases contribute to this atmosphere.

The option to just not think about it is really tempting, and there’s no real reward they can see for doing it. In fact, a lot of the women who think about this stuff a lot are pretty pissed off. Conversations with them can involve tripping over privileges you didn’t know you had, and pissing them off, even if that’s not your intent. Then the urge to snark back comes up, and the next thing you know, you’re agreeing with Rush Limbaugh on feminists.

--Josh Jasperson quoting and responding to Bruce Baugh


ETA: Also adding The Right of Making Available by rivkat, which hands down is one of my favorite responses yet.

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Someone warn me of the cons this fellow Seth is going to, so I can make sure to bring a baseball bat. Or, more likely, not attend.

He thinks that women worry too much. And if we just bucked up, we wouldn't be so AFRAID of sexual violence!

Dick. Head.

I really hated that second. Better to be mugged... my ass.

I do like how he has to mention a girlfriend though. They all do. Everytime. Like that is a badge of Totally Reasonable See a Woman Will Let Me Touch Her. *twitch*

He probably thinks his very existence protects her from her vulnerability to sexual violence! (Despite the statistics that indicate she's far more likely to be raped by him than a random stranger...)

See, I think that's really interesting about how they have to mention their sockpuppet wives and girlfriends because it's pretty much on par with 'What I said isn't racist, I have a black friend!

There's also this idea that if one woman approves of their skeevy conduct that somehow that gives universal approval for the hive - as if we aren't autonomous individuals, as if we don't have differing opinons and I think that's possibly indicitive of how they view women as a whole. That we're not quite people, more like some alien species that they can't identitify with and certainly can't empathise with because the world and everything in it (including women) are filtered through their gaze.

Sometimes when I read these kind of posts by men I wonder if they even like women beyond using them to fulfill what ever itch they've got. Because there seems to be one hell of a disconnect going on.

I just. YES. I read my way through that thread and now I want to — I was about to attempt an unfortunate bit of metaphor that was going to combine "open source" and "nutsack" but I realized the unwisdom of it. But I think my general intent is clear.

Thanks for the link to rivkat's post, it's beautifully articulated.

I love that post. I've read it several times just to glow over it.

Heh. As I said in Ferret's post--if I saw this going on in any convention I had a hand in, they would all find themselves on their butts on the sidewalk in front of the hotel, going "Bzuh?", very quickly.

(..and then my fierce niece would punch them all in the face. The end.)

Someday (when she is no longer knee-high to a grasshopper) I hope that my niece is as fierce as yours. Rock on.

I'm about three steps away from "incoherent rage", so I'll just say this: Seth had better start feeling the urge to include "and please let me never meet any of the women I've pissed off by trivializing the fact that statistically, one in three women out of every woman I SEE, let alone MEET, is a survivor of some kind of sexually-motivated and/or gendered violence/harassment/intimidation" to his birthday wishes and nightly prayers.

Sadly, today is still not a better day than yesterday.

Between this and the radio show I listened to this morning out of fannish interest, I've had more than enough of men and their special brand of stoopid...

The urge to go out and kick random guys in the bollocks was particularly strong today.

Edited at 2008-04-23 09:02 pm (UTC)

I was disappointed by Scalzi's post, damn. And I like him!

Same-o! But then I keep reading far far worse. Siiigh.

Yeah, it's kinda sad that I'm disappointed and yet, not actively offended somehow, due to all the VERY VERY worse shit I've read in the past two days.

It's like, hey! He thinks it's bad, at least! he's not making fun of the women who oppose it!

back to banging head against desk, kthxbye.

You know--it's interesting. I find it frustrating that so many women just...accept?--not the right word because they don't necessarily *accept* it but I can't come up with the right one, honestly, because rage is still kind of clouding my brain right now--that they must to live in fear and don't work to find ways to make it so they don't live in fear, both personally and culturally.

But at the same time, as frustrating as I find it? I don't blame them for it because, and this is key, the fear is perfectly fucking well founded and reasonable. It's not that I think the fear is *wrong* but more that I don't think that the kind of fear that many women manifest in response is a good way to handle or diminish the problems that inspire the fear. But even then: it's really fucking hard to respond in any other way when that's all the culture wants to teach women. It's really pretty fucking hard to make a choice that you don't know is an option, after all.

Because, okay, I personally don't have much of the fear. *Much*. I am far, far more aware of my vulnerabilities than a man of my age/size/weight/experience would be, I'm just--I refuse to be afraid because predators prey on the fearful more than they do on any others. But not being afraid? That's fucking hard to do, you know? I don't manage it as well as I'd like sometimes and anyway, it's hard to learn and it's harder to put into practice and that? Is if you even ever realise that you *can* make some choice in how fearful you are and how much of a potential victim you see yourself as. And even then, there are always limits on just how much that will make predators back off--some determined ones just won't back down and find easier prety. Thus why I am still way the fuck more aware of my vulnerabilities than I would be if I'd been born male.

But even then, here's the fundamental thing, I guess: it doesn't even *matter* whether or not my response to the problems in our culture is better, worse, or indifferent than any other woman's because the problems should not fucking exist in the first place. A woman shouldn't *have* to have that awareness in the back of her brain that many men will automatically disrespect her, her opinions, and her rights just because of her sex.

Augh. Just AUGH. I'd very much like to set them all on fire with my BRAIN.

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