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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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it's not even a rant; it's too surreal to be a rant
children of dune - leto 1
Okay, this is the stupidest thing to be irritated in the entire universe. I was reading back in my lj, since I am regaining zen if it kills me (and not thinking of SGA vampire romance novels with sexy and creepy blood rituals at all, thanks for asking), and I realized I started all these discussions and then didn't participate!. And the comments are all thinky and awesome yet answering a month later is just weird. And then I answered feedback and then went back and stared bitterly at my past self's total non-commitment to fannish participation.

Now, for something entirely different and not related but deeply hilarious. I have found this pattern. Every so often, I really really need SPN fic. I mean, in that way that I will in fact not only google for it, I will wander through del.icio.us unescorted and totally click on anything that says Sam/Dean because I totally love them beyond reason. Needless to say, yes, of course I cried a lot in horror. And no, I will never be clean again after that one with the stuff and that thing and oh my God what the hell?. But I always finally find three authors and settle down to read everything they wrote and use their recs to get around (God created esorlehcar for my erratic reading habits, I swear). Then there's always svmadelyn's rec page, which is my last resort because sometimes I feel we may be engaged in a weird game of competitive reccing. It's hard to explain.

Now here is what always makes me think the universe likes me.

But every time I start--every. damn. time (I am not kidding about this)--a few days later, there is a huge anti-incest or anti-wincest or anti-slash post made by someone, somewhere. It's not like I only notice then--I tend to be a closet drama whore and go looking for reading (ask me what I did five seconds after watching the end fo Torchwood and ten seconds after the start of the new Dr. Who.). I know the universe is not all about me. But I keep thinking it's some kind of reward for good behavior on my part. It's like an incentive to keep reading.

I mean, it's just weird. And always extends my period of reading. A lot.

You know what's irritating? Not even the tone or the words; I get deeply annoyed by the entire concept of what you write == totally like who you are. It's one thing to say your kink is not okay--fine, whatever, then I will totally never use you as beta, cool. There are kinks I am not okay with, generally in the family of "Yeah, no, you will put those spark plugs on me when I am dead, my friend" and not so much in the "Your kink makes me think I should call for your death and shunning." It's the added fillip of, your kink is not okay and evil, you are evil for writing it, contributing toward the destruction of society, and generally this will end with a rain of blood and toads oh Shiva destroyer of worlds. And you kill puppies, bitch.

I'm sorry, but if I had that kind of power? I'd be turning that shit on getting myself a harem of CW males and cloning Joe Flanigan. And get myself some winged unicorns. And bring back some dinosaurs so Child will stop moaning about the lack of them. Shiva destroyer of biological laws and physics, maybe. And time. I would be like Dr. Who, in a way. A very distant way.

And there would never be harmed puppy. Puppies for everyone. Winged unicorns for those who love me and despair. And who send chocolate.

Right. Okay, see, now I feel better. For reference to what the hell I'm talking about, fandom_reports on spn.

It's just--I want something new in ranting. Sure, call out the slash and the incest and the RPS and the non-canon pairings and the pairings and--huh. Does anyone ever call out the gen for evil? Bastards--but do it new and interesting. Do it with pie charts. I want pie charts. I mean, I will still find it ridiculous, but I will also find it neat.

Or vids. I want multimedia expressions of the oppression and pain. I want graphs and charts, studies by earnest was-almost-a-major-in-this-so-I-know, more anecdota than a telenovela, and I want a quote from Shakespeare to be decontextualized to prove it all. Because if you have to do it, and you're going to go for it, you go all the way. It's like writing father/son incestuous mpreg involving wings and alien abduction and not explaining how the anal probing made it all okay. You go there, you go there and don't look back. I'm just saying, it's disappointing when you are reading and realize there was so much trauma missed.

ETA: Annnd forestgreen is my new favorite person and gave us the Breakdown of EVIL in Fandom in colored pie chart form. My love is like a shallow, yet exceedingly large ocean.

*sends chocolate* Not really these are edible kittens made of chocolate... (that doesn't freak you out right?)
Because I *really* want a wingéd unicorn!

*sighs* I am working on my ability to destroy society via fanfic as quickly as possible. Though I get nervous when the flyers for world domination are sponsored by ACME.

I just wish the wankers had gotten to it with their Mighty Screencap Powers before she locked down the comments. Le sigh. *hand, staple, forehead* Does that make me a bad person? Probably.

(The thing about the pie charts is that in SPN? They disprove the oppression, muhahahahahaha.)


*imagines dramalamas wandering around with pie charts drawn on them muttering Shakespeare* so much perfect.
ETA: As another one in the 'occasionally reads SPN when my brain goes: SAM/DEAN TIEM NAO' camp. I'm actually looking for SPN wank now. This is f'ing hilarious. Thank you for re-exposing my inner dramawhore tendencies. :P

Edited at 2008-04-20 03:19 pm (UTC)

IT IS NOT AWESOME? My evening was made of joy.

Well, you know, you could always use your writing to found a religion and get big bucks from followers. Okay, maybe that only works with bad SF, and it probably wouldn't get you the winged unicorn, but you could probababy arrange the puppies and chocolate (hey, maybe even as core ceremony?) and once it took off maybe even a harem of pretty people into show business....

Oooh. See, the precedent is set. I need to write something to set up a religion now....

oh Shiva destroyer of worlds. And you kill puppies, bitch.

*collapses giggling* I don't really know what this is about, since I'm not in SPN fandom, but I think I love you - that's the most hilarious thing I've read in a while. Oh, fandom.

Fandom always cheers me. Our crazy is love. So much.

*fills in requisition form for winged unicorn*

*adds to waiting list*

Does anyone ever call out the gen for evil?

Well, every once in a while it gets slapped down for heteronormativity and insufficient subversion of the dominant paradigm, but that just doesn't have the same zing as being denounced as Eeevil-with-a-capital-E.

Poor gen writers. They really don't get the full experience, do they?

Ah, the smell of fresh wank in the morning!

Yeah, I get in the mood for SPN fic, too ... The SPN FPS and RPS sections on my other fandoms recs page has gotten so long, that I have to cut it out into a new post, soon. I'm just trying to post some fic before I post more recs.

Does anyone ever call out the gen for evil? Bastards--but do it new and interesting. Do it with pie charts. I want pie charts.

Please don't tempt me.

You want it. You want it *bad*.

I don't think there's anything weird about diving into meta conversations a month later. This is the internet! We can be asynchronous. :-)

Oh, oh, me, I want a winged unicorn!!!
And, just for kicks, what kind of level in your empire of Evil would one have to be to get a JFlan clone?

Reading third level I think. With generous monthly donations.

Okay, my joy is complete; anything can be turned into a Scientology joke now. *glee*

I read my way through the Fandom Wank report on it and the mind boggles. Haven't people learned anything in fandom? And I agree that there needs to be more pie charts and statistical documentation in wank from now on. I think there could be PowerPoint presentations as well - with shiny effects! - to show how oppressed they are in fandom!

Oh, power point. What is wrong with ranters? With a soundtrack and animation!

I would like to hear an explanation of this competitive reccing thing. *stares*

I'll pass on the winged unicorns, but I wouldn't say no to a clone of Joe Flanigan. What do you need me to do? Does this qualifies me for the waiting-list of JF-clones?

Wow. Top of the list. Totally.

*turns head sideways* Hmm. I feel we are missing a slice of the pie, though, but I don't know what.

It's funny. I've blown up the world in three fandoms now, at least twice (in part) in order to get my romantic relationships to work.

Nobody's ever accused me of being evil in order to do it. Despite the billions dead.

I feel a bit left out.

That said, I think the law of Conservation of Wank requires that there's an uproar about SPN incest going on somewhere on the internet at all times.

*mulls* I feel you are dangerous and evil, if that's any consolation.

That said, I think the law of Conservation of Wank requires that there's an uproar about SPN incest going on somewhere on the internet at all times.

Point. But I am a child of livejournal fandom. I wnat it right now, I want it with screencaps and vids, and I want it flashy, dammit. Is that really so much to ask?

*sulking* Slacking ranters. Bah.