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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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i wonder what a bread machine makes, then
The new build (updated code) for teh system goes up Saturday. So my week is hell. Also, I totally bombed that C++ test and brought my grade down to a B. Normally, this would be a time of eh because let me tell you, I was too tired to study much and was still fighting that damn homework assignment, but gah. But it totally is not, and it's because of fucking structures, which turned out to be like, a fourth of the questions despite the fact we only spent ten minutes on them in class.


However. Someone--I have no idea who now, but they totally livened up my life--emailed or commented to me on--wait for it--Bread Wank.


The sugar and eggs drag the recipes firmly out of the French Bread category (really the bread category in general). Microwaving the dough is also a prohibited act in real bread making.

Seen at OTF Wank at Journalfen, Stupid Free, SF Drama, and Domestic Snark.

Personal favorite:
But if you don't use fleur de sel (from Brittany, even two steps outside of the geographical area will ruin your recipe), fresh spring water from a freshly dug well in Nunavut, stone ground flour grown in the mountains surrounding Shangri-La, and yeast cultured from the oldest strain of yeast known in Scotland, your recipe is going to be an utter and complete failure and you might as well just never cook again, because you are a failure. In fact, you should never eat again because you aren't worthy.

--hyperform, link

As long as you don't call it bread, sure. Egg bread is fine, since that what it is. I'd rather call it Challah, since egg bread doesn't adequately describe what Challah is.

--shlake, link to thread, arguing that God did not know bread. With the daughter of a rabbi.

Also? Bread Laws (no, really) and Canned haggis. (kinda terrifying).

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As long as you don't call it bread, sure. Egg bread is fine, since that what it is.

Egg bread isn't bread? Is that like how oral sex isn't sex?

You totally win the internet. *GLEE*

You know, I always choose to stay away from wank but bread wank intrigued me. That was the funniest shit I've seen in a while! LOL.

Someone is WRONG on the internet!!!!!!!!!


The xkcd post at the end capped it off for me. :D

Wow. I can die happy now, for I have truly seen everything. o_o

Wow. Bread wank. Just when I thought people had wanked over everything under the sun.

And xkcd FTW!

Wow. I'm just. Wow. :;blinks::

There was a particularly nasty one about chili at the beginning of winter, and a similar one about the difference between Shepherd's Pie and Cottage Pie, and under what circumstances one was one and not the other.

Also: canned haggis is really not bad. Tastes just like haggis. Can't speak to the vegetarian canned haggis, though. ;)

There is a Demotivator. Involving bread. *mind = boggling*

After reading that thread, my life is now so much more awesome. ...And yet, somehow so much more pathetic at the same time. :\

Still, good to know that, really, every hobby has wank.

I've had canned haggis. It wasn't that bad. We got a can in Scotland and brought it home to the states so our friends could try, managed to get it past customs where we were asked all sorts of questions and looked at funny - and then our friends were so freaked out, they didn't want to eat it. :sigh:

Bwahahah! I read that wank, and it's still funny the second time around. :D

*cough* Can I just say that I love the French bread laws? They ensure quality and price, and mean that whereever in Paris you are, you're never far from a Very Good Baguette. #^_^# Have to say that to start a wank about bread seems somewhat desperate, though. Maybe that person is currently fandomless and thus driven to such extremems?

Cooking is serious business.

I cannot believe I'm sitting here at 2am reading bread wank. What have you done to me?! *g*

I appreciate food regulation, I mean, there's rules what's allowed in bread here as well, actually about eight pages of them, detailing what has to be in the different kinds of bread to be marketed under certain names, like what's in them, how they are to be baked, what their form is like, and so on. And it's true that afaik there is no egg in it if it is supposed to be bread. OTOH this kind of thing is well covered in the non-bread bakery section, which is over twice as long. On the bright side, bread here is much better than what I've found in the US, even cheap industrial bread is mostly edible, and more variety in the breads too-- I mean, you can get many hundreds of different kinds here in stores, and that is with the rules regulating that it has to be at least 90% plain grain and water to be called bread.

Oh man, that's almost as adorable as author-wank!

*waves* I sent you the URL when I first found it. You're welcome. *G*

Hee! I had to send this on to my partner, who is trained as both a chef and baker (works mainly as a chef). Her response should be a thing of beauty. Thank you!

I can go on at length about challah...

You know, I went and looked at the bread in my fridge. It took me a minute to find writing that actually labeled it "bread". Even so, I think it was a general statement about "bread" in general, nothing that says "THIS IS BREAD". *ponders*

I've only, apparently, ever eaten FAKE BREAD.


How was I to know that the bags of white stuff at the grocery store weren't concocted according to the Sacred Bread Laws????

And don't even look at my challah bread which has SUGAR in it and which I don't braid and which has EGGS that are STORE EGGS not REAL EGGS (wtf? There's a difference? What? Store chickens are plastic?)

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