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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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in want of a sex aid
bored
seperis
At the core of me, I'm a prude.

Write about sex, sure. Any day at any time: Rodney, Lex, Clark, Justin, Brian, John can find themselves impaled on anything, organic or not. Especially Brian; I think we can all admit there is not an object that Brian Kinney wouldn't regard as a potential sexual aid. But that's writing.

Girlparts. Such a word to use. Vagina. If there can be a play, I can type the word, vagina. Vagina. Yes.

We're a little--reticent. I don't know where it comes from; I really don't want to know. No matter where I go in fic, no matter the marvelous friends I've made, or the discussions of strange intimate growths or odd foot fungus--I can ask for a thousand opinions on anything up to which collar would go best with Rodney's coloring and should Clark get a kryptonite cock ring?

But I have yet to comfortably ask anyone, "So which of these appendages should I introduce to my vagina?"



It's just not there. It's like a block I come up against hard and fast, because it's not just that conversation that scares me--it's the one after. Do I talk about performance? What worked? What didn't? How? I'm a writer for a reason; extemporaneous speaking isn't necessarily my gift.

Next time I'm around fangirls, will I sit down and someone will ask "So how did that xyz work out?" or maybe think it, and I'll admit I had no idea how to use all the buttons and really, what was with that squeal? How on earth could buttons confuse me? What if I make it start on fire or something? I can do that! I know I could. And the obituary would be horrible and while I'm not adverse to being as one with the family stories (and am a subject of several, I'm pleased to say), I think death by sexual aid isn't one that should be passed on.

(Also, what if it's not supposed to squeal? What does that mean if it does? Did I use it wrong? I could use it wrong!)

Seriously, that's the stuff Children who grow into Mad Scientists have in their background. Not to mention it sounds messy and not terribly dignified. Dancing in my bra on a coffee table wearing a tiara? Awesome. Strange potential Guiness-record death? Hell no.

(I know ten people on my flist who would strategically ask while I'm drinking something.)

It just can't. Go. Well. You see this, right? I can't do it. And part of it is a terror beyond them all--what if mine doesn't work right?

Vagina, that is.

How would I know? Anatomy books and blood vessel mapping are all well and good, but they don't tell you jack about what is supposed to be going on, and I don't trust my doctors. They could be writing a book. I keep thinking of the movie Teeth and sighing, yeah. I mean, not like that, but man, do I understand sudden upleasant discoveries.

So I had this moment of glee today, when someone on my flist posted for opinions on a vibrator! (locked) It was like Christmas! In a way that's not heretical. Recommendations! From people not affiliated with the company! It was awesome! I didn't even start hyperventilating! I love the universe!

I. Love. The. Universe. Please people on that flist. Tell me more.



And that is why I'm happy.

ETA: (still reading, helplessly) I love my flist. They are the most awesome people in the universe!


Ever perused Babeland? It's a Good Thing.

Or you could go for something slightly more unusual.

:D?

I went to a shop in NY with that name, I think. Sadly, my legs were killing me and I couldn't enjoy it as I ought.

Checking second link now.

I second Good Vibrations. I made a point of visiting one of the SF shops last year and it was lovely--wide open, well-lit, with one of everything out for you to (I won't say play with...) um, investigate. Had a great time.

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Seriously, they need to make those for other MP3 players...

This is my favorite website -- woman-run, everyone-friendly, and they have a blog with recommendations and testimonials! I've had great experiences buying from them (last time they were a day late shipping something and wrote an apology note on the invoice in sparkly pen!).

I love Early to Bed! I'm so glad I live really close to the store.

I may be oversharing, but, I'm complete!

I personally, have not had great experiences with ye olde traditional vibrator/dildo type thing. I got a g-spot stimulator and a thing called a "dinky digger" Now. bear in mind that I have tendon problems and wrist problems and for awhile there couldn't do a damn thing by myself.)

(I absolutely recommend handwork, as a primary introduction to thingies, don't overthink it. My first inkling of an orgasm was while I was reading novel and just...letting my hands wander. My first reaction was, "what the hell was that?" and my second was, "OH COOL," and my third was, "Room mate must leave NOW." She didn't. But the next time she did, I was very Enterprising and went where no man had gone before.

I figured, since my sister had a very traumatic wedding night, I needed to know how my parts worked, see? Make friends with your vagina, and she will love you forever.

Until I left my parents house, I did very well with one or two fingers inside and my thumb tucked up in the clitoral hood for indirect pressure. (I can't take direct pressure. Imagine cat quivering upside down on ceiling.) Minimal cleanup.

Okay, tools. As I said, since I'm a big girl, have bad arms & hands, most dildos/vibrators don't do it for me. It's too short, my hands go numb and I get really frustrated. Also, I can't flip the proceedings over to rub off against it because by the time my hands are numb...well...shoot.

I bought this thing called the kegelscisor that's a barbell to strengthen your inner muscles. Something about that, the weight, the bumps on it, and the length of it is excellent for internal stimulation. Sometimes it just has to be there, and my fingers outside can take care of he rest. It has a presence.

It takes a little coordination to do the whole internal/external stimulation thing, but for a fantastic demonstration of how a really good, erm, pounding feels? OMG. And it's stainless steel, so you can just wash it or run it through the dishwasher. (Don't forget to warm it up first when you use it!) Oh, and plus? You can use it as it was intended. If you wanted.

If you're looking for something vibrating to stimulate your outer self I'd go with the hitachi grand-poobah of "muscle massagers." Or one of those little pocket rockets. Again, too much stimulation there can kind of spoil you for the real thingy.

If I had my druthers, I'd buy The Cone right now. It's the hot product and it's hands free and evidently you can do different things with it. It's minimally penetrating, but evidently vibrates like nobody's business.

I'd also check out the website goodvibrations.com.

I'm sure your vagina works just fine, baby. If your muscles completely clamp down and don't want anything in, then we'll talk. That's what my sister did on her honeymoon, and it just took some patience. Now, SHE is a prude.


Edited at 2008-03-27 01:25 am (UTC)

Re: I may be oversharing, but, I'm complete!

Hey now. She might have been like me, with total vulvar vestibulitis. Not a prudish bone in my body, but I couldn't even use a tampon until I was in college and even that was after the doctor basically had to break my damn hymen which was REALLY FUN. Penetrative sex was not possible for me until my mid-twenties, and you know what helped me get there?

A FLIPPING DILDO. There you go. XD

(Nowadays, sex can still be painful, btw. But I kinda like it. :D )

I think the Good Vibrations and Babeland sites both have some guides on selecting things. Early to Bed does as well.
In my (limited) experience, it tends to wind up being largely about personal preference, interests, anatomy, etc. once questions that are more universal (e.g. "is it a well-made product?" "is it easy to clean?" "is it safe to use?" etc.) have been addressed. But the guides on these sites can give you some idea of what might suit you, and after that one approach would be to buy one or two inexpensive things, or the "starter" kit sort of thing many of these sites offer?

Hi; potential TMI alert! *g* Left to my own devices, my favorite toy is a small pink curved sort of thing; it's not representational, just...curvy and smooth and simple, and designed for external use. I adore it. I've found that even when I buy toys designed for penetration, I most often don't use them that way. So. Y'know. Mileage varies, and all that; the best way to figure out what suits you is to experiment.

I'd link you to the one I like, but I bought it at a wee store and can't seem to find it online anywhere. :P It's not entirely unlike this, except it only cost about $25.

We have a three-story "superstore" here in MN called Sex World. Went there with my partner, a friend, and her partner. Not bad, clean, lots of selection, all that (at least when we went, it's been a bit). I couldn't find a working link for them though. Sorry. Best part of the trip had to be the tv's playing Anime porn - my partner looked up, cocked her her to the side, and *shouted* out, "He's doing that wrong!" The clerk may have possibly given us free stuff for providing the entertainment for the evening...

I posted for opinions a few years ago too and it was really helpful. I like Babeland too but recently I've been invited to a couple of parties where toys are sold. It's all women, it's hysterical and fun and everyone is really open and the ordering process is totally private. In any case I have a silicone rabbit that I like a lot and a like a bullet as well. From what I can tell by what my friends at the parties said most everyone likes a rabbit type and/or a bullet as well. I guess they are standard equipment in the toy chest.

As for the hows and whys, well, that's the fun part isn't it? Play with them and find out what you like. I had a bit of a disadvantage in that I am allergic to latex so had to go with the expensive silicone first.

*cough* *tests microphone*

Well. Here's the deal, everyone seems to like something slightly different in this dept. I'll tell you what I've learned...

Silicone is probably the best material. Non-porous, resistant to high temperatures (some are dishwasher safe), non-allergenic. Safe for use with water based lubes (like KY or Astroglide), avoid silicone based lubes, they disintegrate the silicone. Keep in mind, most condoms come with silicone based lubes, except the ones that specify water based or no lube.

Avoid Jelly Rubber. It oozes phalates, and bacteria get stuck in it's jellyness.

Avoid Latex toys. There's no really good way to clean them, you have to use them with condoms.

If you're going to share, you need to look into sterilization techniques and/or condoms. Otherwise, soap and water should work ok, before and after use.

Do not put anything up anyone's butt that doesn't have a flared base.

More info here:

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/how-to-clean-sex-toys.htm

Trust me, they're not scary. Babeland is good.

Metal and glass are also good options - easy to clean and no bacteria sticking. And high quality glass dildos are pretty!

I have a vibrator review post here (and it's not even locked). Though it's not exhaustive, just specific vibrators I have liked, all from Good Vibes.

Thanks so much for making this post! *peruses replies*

My personal favorite toy store is Blowfish. They've got a great selection and very good reviews. Of the toys I own, my favorite is probably the rabbit type--I have a rabbit habit or whatever it's called but there are a ton of them out there.

I continually hear good things about the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl--I want a Wahl--but don't own either of them myself.

"Twist & Shout Glass Dildo with Blue Spirals" Wow. I am not sure what to make of this. My mind has been blown.

http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/toys/glass_dildos.html

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(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
Er, you know those $100 rabbits?

Really easy to break. Like really easy. The first couple of usages. Leaving you with a sad bit of silicon and a much lighter bank account. I'm just saying. Not that this happened to me or anything.

(ps: Hitachi. Accept no substitutes).

Edited to switch to the porn fish.

Edited at 2008-03-27 02:14 am (UTC)

HITACHI. As the nice friendly like-minded total stranger (hi, norabombay!) says. Yes.

My Hitachi Magic Wand is probably the second thing (after my cat) that I would take out of a burning building.

NB: Some people find it a little too boisterous.

Good luck!