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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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because I can
children of dune - leto 1
The other night, while grabbing a drink from the kitchen, while chatting with svmadelyn (may her internet connection stay true, because withdrawal was so not pretty for me. Her. Me. This is really about me. IT HURT), Child waylaid me to question Jack's feelings about Ianto if he was going to look at Gwen like that.

I ended up typing the entire thing to her, but I remember a small, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach, chased by blank horror when I realized he'd tricked me into a sex ed conversation. I also do not remember what I ended up saying--for those around at the time, you may remember how that one ended up with several people wondering if he'd end up building a nest in the backyard after I inadvertently mentioned eggs--but I'm pretty sure sex ed should not be a five second recital on "some men like other men and some men like women and some like both which is perfectly normal, please don't do this to me right now" while Child cackled in the background.

Mostly, though, after explaining "Do not ever say anything ever to your grandfather, please" and "Wait, how did you get the new episode?" and "Oh, never mind, I have that one," and "No, we can't build a TARDIS, God," I sat down to ruminate on how a lot of Child's sex ed is less lecture and more life. Two sisters pregnant have stripped the miracle of childbirth of its miracle, "Did you know babies come out of the vagina?" says Child when my middle sister was pregnant with her first. To my Uncle. At Christmas. When he was like, five.

He didn't know to be curious why Jack was dating Ianto, just worried their love would be destroyed by Gwen (I can't even begin to come up with a theory on that one), and his school buddies introduced him to the concepts of women and mud wrestling and women and bikinis, which he seems to appreciate on an aesthetic level. He's about the right age, if memory serves, for small boys to tell each other deeply, disturbingly explicit, proportionally impossible porn stories "My brother said he dated this girl with boobs as big as watermelons!" Our next door neighbor girl (his best friend, it's like TV! But in my life) has a crush on a singer and got a shirt with his name on it; Child sulked for a week.

He tells us he feels surges of hormones, "I can feel the hormones surging through my body," he confides. "How?" I ask, curious. "You know. Things are growing." Me: "Something is growing?" "You know," he says, voice dropping. "Grown up things."

(No freaking clue; I handed him over to my sister and told her to make sure he didn't have some kind of growth or wasn't turning blue; she had to swear she'd never tell me the truth. Now she giggles a lot. She's pregnant, so I have to be kind; later, though. Later. After gestation has passed? She's telling me. What if he's blue? It won't go with his uniform.)

Last year, a little Egyptian girl at school paid him to be her bodyguard, "They make fun of her" he told me, bewildered. "She wears this thing on her head." "Scarf?" "Yeah." So I told him what a burqa (spelling?) was and why I can never take him to certain countries, why I may never see a pyramid, why I might not see the Taj Mahal. Then I told him to give her back the quarter. He already had. "She has cookies," he told me. I completely understood.

Actually, a lot of the teachers wear those as well, from simple scarves to long robes so comfortable I kind of want one of those myself, so I suspect it might have been her home country that was a problem, though he wasn't clear and I was too amused by the idea of my average-height, plump, fair-skinned and fair-haired kid arms crossed acting muscle on the playground to remember to ask. In his age group, I don't think any of the girls wear the head scarves, though in the upper grades, I think I saw some that do.

For Black History Month, they went through a huge number of famous figures that I don't remember ever being in my history books, and I kind of wish they had. He tried out for Martin Luther King and I grinned and listened to him work through the dialogue and tried not to laugh; he ended up third reverend to the right who came to talk to Dr. King during his time in jail. He was empathetic and slammed his tiny fist on the desk. I have no clue what anyone was saying, but every time they came up on stage, I couldn't help but smile. For some reason, empathetic eleven year olds never stop being utterly adorable, every darn one of them.

He tells me Hello and Goodbye in Turkish, blushes when I ask him to speak it for me; it's pretty when he says it, and I like to listen to him when he does. He still likes holding hands. He wants a kiss before he goes to school and before he goes to bed. He still wants to clone me and the Crocodile Hunter. Today, I have decided its cute. Tomorrow, I'll remember I need to explain federal law again. In detail.

I'm Mom, Mommy, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn-I-Furrrrrr and sometimes "Jenny", which will never stop being funny.

I'm kinda infatuated with my kid. In case you didn't notice.

And back on medication. I remember this feeling. It's called being productive.

DAWWWWWWW. I think your mother must cackle herself to sleep every night.

I suspect this is true, when she is not half-conscious over Guild Wars trying to get just one more thingie before going to bed.

I totally pay my debts. *smug*

oh my god how come my little brother never went through this sort of 'cute' phase. he just looked vaguely adorable at age 3, while still wrecking havoc around the house. *disgruntled look* now he's just a jaded 13 year old.

Child uses it as a defense when I come into the kitchen in teh morning and see water, cornstarch, a cup, and three bowls on the floor. The cute is how he keeps from being grounded forever.

I love reading about your kid, he just sounds like such an interesting little boy. Also, the growing steps of a mini-fanboy is kind of fun to see too :D

It never stops making me grin--I just wonder sometimes where he'll end up. It's fascinating to try and figure out.

Thank you.

Awww. His classmate bought Child as a bodyguard. With cookies. :-)

My mom was quite alarmed that my youngest brother had absolutely no fear of girls at all. Prolly had something to do with growing up with me, and then my friends coming over and fawning over how CUTE he was.

*dies* Yes, that would do it. He's been through that? He's ready for everything. *g*

Children are great sources of amusement and entertainment. I think our eldest was about ten when he confided, in deathly seriousness, that he was a bit concerned about how sometimes his urethra grew in the morning. My partner handed him the phone and told him to call his father.

We were briefly concerned about kids being bullies, only to discover eldest was not being picked on because he had two mommies, but because he was on the chess team. After telling them that someday he would be their boss didn't work (he came up with that on his own), our youngest stepped in and bad mouthed them until they stepped down. He had the help of another "bully" on the bus that he is apparently friends with. There was no small amount of glee when we found out that said bully was a) a girl, and b) wore traditional dress with a hajib each day. Youngest loves the way she color coordinates. Yes, youngest is the one who wants to wear mommy's wedding dress and sings that he's a Lady Marmalade.

Lol! Youngest sounds like a real character =)

Hehe. Makes me look forward to having mine (in a few months). Although, they don't get fun until they can talk and start saying crazy stuff, but I guess one has to start somewhere =)

Ooh! Congratulations! *hugs* Okay, they get fun when mobile. Seriously. My favorite memory is child unable to crawl or creep quite yet, so spinning on his back and rolling to get places. Awesome.

I remember my nephew Before Girls and Sports and Car. Dimly. He was a cutie. Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddo. :-)

I am recording it faithfully. *g*

Having a kid is both scary and marvelous at the same time, huh. Makes it somewhat obvious how horribly some folks screw up when you see how open they can be when guided the right way.

Evil is 13 and says one of her friends is bisexual. I told her that she is not allowed to have any friends who are sexual anything. Of course I was joking and she knew that, but it's a scary thing. I see the other girls at her school with boyfriends and I'm glad she's just not into that yet. Time enough later.

God yes. Kind of like a roller coaster, but you never get off.

Evil is 13 and says one of her friends is bisexual. I told her that she is not allowed to have any friends who are sexual anything. Of course I was joking and she knew that, but it's a scary thing. I see the other girls at her school with boyfriends and I'm glad she's just not into that yet. Time enough later.

God yes. Exactly. *crossing fingers*

What a wonderful post! :D

See, I have issues with Mothers. I come by them totally fairly and right now I have an excellent I love beyond life, who loves me, but I still have lots of issues. So when I find mothers who are excellent beyond belief I always feel kind of -- awed. Because in my warped little brain, such a thing is very very rare.

You are one of those excellent, awesome mothers. I love how infatuation you are with Child, and I love Child who is totally worthy of that infatuation (he gave her back her quarter! and was bewildered that they were being mean to her! and didn't want gwen to ruin the pure and preciousness that is jack and ianto! that is so made of layers of awesome) and that you give us these little glimpses.

It's kinda cool.

His love for Ianto/Jack kills me. And his worry on Gwen. We match like that. *chews nails*

And thanks. I figure if I can get him through his teen years and he never owns a hotel where my mummified body is found? I have done well.

*hugs you hard*

Child is pretty damn terrific (prolly has something to do with his mother), and I love hearing new stories about him. no wonder you're infatuated!

*g* When I get frustrated, I come back and read my livejournal under Child tag. It totally helps. Thank you.

He already had. "She has cookies," he told me. I completely understood.
:D :D :D I have no words for how adorable that is.

That did it for me, too. I kind of want him to marry her now. That's a *smart* girl.

To my Uncle. At Christmas. When he was like, five.

My sister likes to relate the story (which I am sure she does not remember) of being about two years old and in the grocery store with my mother, and as they perused the whole chickens for purchase, my sister called out, "Look! Chicken baginas!"

Who knew that toddlers comprehended comparative vertebrate anatomy so well? ...But there's a reason she is saving the formal medical terminology for when her own kids have developed a verbal filter.

Ohmygod. *facepalm* Yes. That--yeah. I can totally feel that moment, too.

I was too scared he'd pick up the slang, so I was totally All About Medical Terminology? Such a mistake. Such a huge, huge mistake.

I'm currently reading It's So Amazing to my kids every night, a couple or three chapters per night. The boys are 6 and 7 years old, and at first it felt so AWKWARD, talking about sex and babies and bodies and stuff. But we're almost done with the book, and I'm SO GLAD I just took the plunge and started talking to them about it. I'm not a secretive person and I'm not ashamed (my parents are recovering hippies, I was taken to NUDIST COLONIES for VACATION when I was a child, for god's sake), but somehow talking to my own kids about sex was weird and uncomfortable and I wasn't sure how to do it. I've found that reading this book to them really opened up the conversation, and I'm much more comfortable now when they have questions.

Oh you rock. I get paid in four days, and I'm ordering that. It looks *fantastic*.

I am finding your kid too adorable for words.