The only time I'm tempted to write Bible fic is around the time of the month I realize I forgot that this is a new office and my box of tampons is still packed in a box that is not here. If we are literal, I would write about a Mary Sue who bitchslaps that damn snake. If we are being metaphorical, I'll find out who the hell wrote that and ask what the hell was the point through a clever Mary Sue. I'll call her Bob.
I have never hated life more. I also forgot my ID today and have to borrow other people's to go to the bathroom. The level of humiliation is highly scaled--I can think of worse, but all of them make me twitch.
In summation, homicide is a possibility. I'm going to stare into space for a while.