But. Today I'm zoning in my pet obsession, writing, or How You, Too, Can Have Sixteen WiPs That Won't Do a Damn Thing! Act Fast! Limited Time Offer!
Or not. Really, it's not hard. Just get frustrated and throw it into the WiP folder and pretend it doesn't exist.
This could be the music problem I'm having--the humor going out, that is, not the writing, though I can't think it's healthy when my current writing inspriation is STILL Matchbox 20's Unwell. Seriously, I have no idea what it says that I can write sex to that.
There was this thing Captain Jinx said--and you who wandered through Voyager's heterosexual fields and read Paris/Torres know what I mean when I say, bar none, the Cap'n was the single hottest het writer ever to put his feet on the dirt of the planet. Jesus. Beats everyone else with a very damned big stick, but okay, off topic.
He was musing that writers were all into the angst-sex, in which Issues are carried out pre-, during-, and post-coitus, which is, I admit, my favorite kind of written sex ever. And he says, you know, you can angst all you want, but once you're hitting the sheets, orgasms are gonna take over for the time being.
I'm paraphrasing there. But that's the gist.
Now, I LIKE that philosophy. Not that I can follow it worth a shit--if someone isn't in some kind of emotional turmoil, I just can't manage to get it going. People shouldn't think during sex, I know this intellectually, but bar none (or one, actually), unless I'm high, my characters are engaged in all kinds of esoteric discourse, interior or exterior, and it all comes back to the fact that I cannot manage to write it without believing, somewhere in me, that it's significant.
That every and all acts of sex are hugely a big deal, at least in fanfic world, where people can fall in love or fuck casually as easily as the rest of us get a snack from the refrigerator. Sometimes WHILE getting a snack from the refrigerator, and I'll say right up front, wow, great sense of compartmentalization going on there. Yes, you just keep up with the sucking while I get some cookies. Shuffle along now. *shakes head*
Hmm. I'm really rambling. Pru does this to me.
We were sort of writing on something, and there was this second where it flipped--I can't even figure out which of us did it, or how, or why, but there it was. One second one way, then a total one eighty and it changed and I think it was me, since Pru's too disciplined to let herself slip like that. It happens every DAMN time, which is why if I PWP, it sure as hell better be short or someone's going to start thinking far, far too much. It's a weakness, I know it. Casual or committed, a quick fuck in the alley or slow in the penthouse, it doesn't matter, somehow between the first touch and the second they come, someone is going through some mental gymnastics and for some reason, and really, I should ask a therapist about that one day, sex always means change.
Every. Damn. Time.
It's frustrating, and part of it is my romanticism--it's not that I don't believe casual sex exists, the kind where you can walk away after and have a few good memories and all, just that I can't manage to write a character that can do it. It always seems--not there. Yay, they fucked, whoo-hoo, now what? There's always an after, even if you're doing Character/OF(M)C, even if it's just waking up alone, and I figured out it's not just the sex itself that I want to write the most, but how the hell you go on from there.
In the real world, you might be okay with being really casual to the guy you were yelling the name of the night before, but man, I've never been able to get a character to that point.
Huge weakness, when it comes right down to it.
There's several stories I've written I still wince when I read, because it's just THERE. Like, everyone's okay, then nudity ensues, and man, issues flow like water and I want to bang my head into the keyboard and ask it why, why, WHY can't I get Chloe laid without dragging her past with Clark into it, or Lex without him flashing on Clark or trauma or Victoria or you know, apocalypses, or poor, poor Clark, who God knows, deserves to have one mindlessly simple, fun thing in his life but oh, no, not in jennfic world. Even if he's doing it all alone, it's got to be Issued. Capital "I".
Of course, do remember, I was cowriting a story where they dry hump in an alley and move in together after. My perspective is WAY off of the norm.
It's got to be the romanticism. It's not just my OTPs that find revelation through sex, either--oh, no, if any character's silly enough to catch me in the right mood, he's going to be reliving some trauma while he's getting blown or laid (she, it, whatever). Poor Toad didnt' even get to HAVE sex while reliving a painful memory--he got to relive a painful sexual memory. Geez.
*sighs* I could work harder to change it, too---you know, recognize your weakness, work against it? Like that massive problem I have with teh/the (hee, my definining online characteristic if you ask Isilya) or that entire sentence fragment and italics thing I have going that scares RivkaT so badly or the 'something like' phrase Rhiannon caught and I have embargoed from my active writing vocabulary whenever I see it (by the way, chica, how am I doing on that one?). I work on those things. Okay, the 'teh' thing I can't help--I don't pay that much attention when I type. *I* know what I mean. *g* But I don't, because half the attraction of writing sex outside the 'mmm hot' thing is the dealing after.
And considering the characters I work with, I can't get away from that.
*sighs* Need to change music already or I'll be talking to shadows. Well, loudly, anyway. If I keep it whispered, it'll all be okay.
So this did bother me when editing today, especially because I have a feeling that the story isn't close to over. It's not just that there's not resolution--it hurts, but I can deal with that. It's that they're not done being this intensely sexually destructive and I've written some seriously dark sex, but you know, after, I usually have the option of well, you know, destroying them forever.
Writing in current canon is a BITCH.
This particular train of thought started I think Thursday or Friday night, when I was working on something for dammitcarl and the light fluffy idea dissipated at the first line. No, really, I got this uberfun idea and thought, oh, Jessica will LIKE this! Yay! No pain or angst or, well, you know, scary stuff, but then I got five pages in and thought, well, that didn't go like I planned. Or sane. Not sane at all.
Right, I know, I need a nap. It's got to be hormones that are kicking the smut muse into overtime or something.
So, what is everyone else up to? *brightly*