Seperis (seperis) wrote,
Seperis
seperis

  • Mood:

oh spam, you hurt me

Spam Reports

I've taken a philosophical approach to spam in the last few years; instead of looking upon it as a clogging waste of my bandwidth and space, instead, I gaze upon it as a virtual finger, if you will, on important topics I should be watching for. While some might be, oh, petty, we all have to remember that without spam, we never ever would have truly understood the power and artistic merit of the Paris Hilton sex video.

So. Examining my filter.

Spam One
Computer Software

My Reaction
While I appreciate the convenience of being emailed on software I cannot live without, and the unbound creativity symbolized by your non-Webster spelling choices, I think for now I'll continue my crazy idea of getting my software from places I can be relatively sure will not cause my computer to die, die, die a tragic, blue death of dieness. Kthx.

Spam Two
Russian language spam

My Reaction
I do feel bad for them; I just don't see a huge segment of people outside Russia who have achieved sufficient Russian fluency to leap, leap, leap for small penis ads in the Cyrillic alphabet. I kind of want to email them one day and get a translation, though. It's a mystery forever; what did it say? Was it Paris? Was it penis implants? Was it important stock info? I will never know.

Note to spammers: try Spanish. I am pretty sure I can identify all genitalia in Spanish on sight.

Spam Three
Penis/Breast/Body Part enlargement

My Reaction
Seriously. Have you read anything on asstr.org, mcstories, or nifty? Those are the people you need to talk to. Try the Gay: Authoritarian and MCStories: Growth of Body Parts. I'm pretty sure that section alone turned off any desire I would ever have to do any kind of change to any part of my body ever. One minute, you are getting breast enlargement: the next, you are a Thai hooker with ladymales because your husband is evil.

(Seriously. So recommended. If nothing else, it is always fun to look in shock upon grammar of Babelfish translation quality and be awed that fandom can write about Clark's glowing self-lubing ass and penis and *still* come out ahead in quality. Also educational.)

(oh, please, like most of you don't have it bookmarked.)

And...that is all. No wait.

Thank you to whoever sent the virtual gift! Turkey! ADORABLENESS TIMES FIVE!
Tags: spam
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