Seperis (seperis) wrote,

  • Mood:

this is the list of misery. list. of. misery.

Hi. I have had a very bad two days.

1.) Ipod vanished at some point between when I put it up during class yesterday and coming home.

2.) Laptop is doing frequent blue screens of death and overheating.

3.) Phone bill is far more than expected. Electric bill is somewhat more than hoped.

4.) After multiple emails, had to drop Chem because I missed two classes and a test when I was sick. I could make up the test, but I could only make it up during the week I was still using an inhaler every three hours and I jsut can't talk about this at all right now.

5. Yesterday, my bus came at the normal time and I got in and sat down and tarted stuyding and looked up and it was going th wrong direction. It was teh right bus, wrong direction. Problem: the bus that goes the wrong direction (north instead of south) doens't *stop* at school. It never has befeore. Which means there was a route change adn I am so glad I looked up. So I stood at a convenience store at night and called eveyrone I knew so someone would pick me up.

I woulnd't have worried if I hadn't been in a short skirt and Boots of Ultimate Not Running. And carrying all my credit cards.

There is a lesson in this: Thursday, I felt weirdly optimistic and good moody. So I thought, instead of carrying on my determined effort to look as slovenly and unapproachable as possible (so as to avoid people wanting to chat) I shall wear my nice black skirt! And this new pretty red sleeveless shirt with the draped neckline. And my black boots of pretty! And do my hair. And wearing make up! And actually remember to refresh my lipstick!

This entire thing is totally a judgment on vanity.

6. Work sucks.

7. I need a new coat and I found this pretty cashmere pea coat of love and I cannot get it now. I actually need more clothes for work period. One pair of pants lost it's hooks and button, one pair has shrunk to too short, and my sweaters are getting old and not pretty.

(Codicil: I feel like blowing the limit on my credit card at the outlet mall tomorrow. Considering the mood I'm in, there's a pretty good chance I'm going to do just that.)

8. Tuition is due on the eleventh. I have absolutely no clue where I'm getting the money for that unless I wreck my careful plan of paying of all my debt and kill off the rest of my savings. that I have made some good inroads in.

(I mean, obviously I am going to get the money. This is not a plea for money or ipods. Wait Does this entry look like a very unsubtle plea for money or ipods? I promise, I am not posting for money or ipods, just free, free sympathy. God. I am paranoid. Moving on.)

9. I forgot to officially sign up for NaNoWriMo. I just realized this. I'm pretty sure due to this, I will blow off for the third year turning that silly script I wrote into a novel. A slashy novel of elves.

(I'm actually only partially kidding. It is not a slashy script of elves. I just really really wanted it to be. There were a lot of weapons involved, though, which amounts to the same thing. It is about Christmas. Obvious connection, I know.)

10. Part of ipod tragedy; my headphones were attached to the ipod.

11. My mother is so unhappy. And she's getting this mean streak. Or cynical? I don't know how to describe it, but it's this--almost resigned disappointment with a side of light pricking of other people's happiness. I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. And she doesn't believe me when I tell her. I--it's--I don't know. It's like my sister, who is still MIA in east Texas, called twice to tell us she's alive and not since. I wonder sometimes about finding happiness has less to do with fixing what problems you have, but persevering to live around them *while* fixing them. And being happy when they are fixed. Or something.

12. And all of this, for the most part, is either petty, doens't matter, or fixable. I just cannot deal with doing any of it.

It's just been a bad week. November does not look better than October. And I will buck up! I will! Just not tonight. Tomorrow. Using my Lana icon of ultimate pointless whining. There. Better already.
Tags: jenn's life, jenn's school
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