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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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...grow your penis now!
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Finally have answered about a third of the email I rescued from my web filters earlier this week and am feeling more than a little triumphant. In that vaguely dull way of knowing that wow, I really need to clean my filters more. Or start adding to the exceptions list again, though it takes forever and a day. I bulk foldered it all with the idea of sorting it out and answering it immediately, but that didn't pan out. Gah.

What I don't get is, the subject line 'sparks' is a red flag, but the subject line 'want to please your woman' is NOT? Okay, what on earth is this program EVALUATING with? And dear God, a good red flag is anytime the email addy is a superrandom set of numbers and letters, so why on earth doesn't it check that out?

There's this chance I'm going to get penis envy soon, just on the principle that at this point, if I have to get these emails, I should damn well have one of my own.

And who, exactly, do these people think they are fooling? Does ANYONE look at an ad that says 'cumming girls and farmyard animals XXXX' and say, wow, I should go see this, especially since you filled my inbox with thirty of these in the last two days! Even if I were a fancier of unusual sexual antics involving in rural life with multiple orgasms and bad spelling, I would completely and totally hate them for doing this to my inbox and find other purveyors of antics who don't spam.

Does ANYONE click on the links or read these things? And if there are people? Can we have them removed from the net on the principle that they are too stupid to be trusted with a computer and are ruining the inboxes of the world?

And how many people did I just offend with that one? *grins*

I've been comtemplating hopes that the end of Season II will lead to a nice Clark meltdown. Discussion with latxcvi and CJ have both been interesting and informative, since both are a hell of a lot more analytical than I am in making good conclusions.

Again, this all comes back to what I noted around Rosetta (Fever?), that Clark's been steadily losing some of his--well, I want to say his percieved function in the lives of family and friends.

To Lex, little brother, only friend, general cheerleader and conscience. And sextoy, though apparently, some people don't consider that canon. How odd. For his parents, their miracle child when they couldn't give birth to one. For Lana, knight in shining armor.

Since Prodigal, he's been watching as this all chipped away bit by bit--Lucas first, then Helen moving in with Lex, and Martha getting pregnant, then Lana suddenly feeling the girlpower. Which leaves Pete and Chloe, which, love them though you might, either don't have that kind of relationship with him or are going to be next to be given some kind of function that doesn't include Clark or contradicts his reason for existing to them. Er. If that makes sense.

If Chloe and Pete were to start dating at any point coming up, I would suggest everyone run for cover, because Clark just might have a breakdown of some kind.

Interestingly, I kind of wish Leech could have been set in this time period. Especially with Clark's loss of what he thinks makes him important to others, losing his powers as well might have made an interesting arc, if there is, in fact, an arc going on here. Dichotic too, with the double whammy of Chloe and Lana with other guy(s)--and wouldn't that make him rethink the concept of ruling the flawed ones, hmm?

I really enjoy hurting him too much. And I need to think about it more, actually. I'm well aware of how off base I am here--after all, this is Smallville and continuity is always an accident, but still. It's interesting, at least from a ficcer's perspective.

Watched Armageddon and cried again. Marveled at the intense slashiness of Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis, and why, God, why did he have to die at the end, because this movie is like slashcentral, what with the use of phallic guns during a fit of intense jealousy (oh come on, really, who bought that he was worried about his daughter's virtue?), obvious displacement of feelings for the father onto the daughter, and canonical declarations of love. And the crying. Which somehow, Ben makes look intensely sexy and I have no idea why. My God, man, stop whimpering on the floor there and get your boyfriend back before he dies!

Yet he never listens, no matter how often I tell him to do that on the TV. Stubborn little bastard.

I keep coming back to this movie and think, why don't I write in it? Then I remember. Because he's dead. Dammit.


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Yet he never listens, no matter how often I tell him to do that on the TV. Stubborn little bastard.

bwahaha. I do this too. And yes, I still cry every single time too. Stupid emotional manipulation.

YES!

Little manipulative "Harry, I love you!" while writhing in teh space equivalent of a glass elevator while Harry goes off to save the love of his life from certain death....

*sniffles* RIGHT THERE, I start falling to pieces. Damn them!

> I really enjoy hurting him too much.

But... Clark is so durable. Why else would he be so durable if he wasn't meant to be hurt?

:-9

Ooh. I LIKE this justification!

*hopeful*

Oddly enough, this was the first Superman fanfiction I'd ever read

"Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" at http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html is Larry Niven's ruthlessly detailed look at why Clark is /never/ going to have sex. Of course, I prefer it when the slashers write him as capable of control, or never dangerous at all, but from Clark's perspective sex is awfully likely to end with him crushing, slicing, or if all else fails, blowing our safely anonymous LL's head off with his super-sperm. It'd only take a hundred words to make it fit perfectly in canon -- his parents would barely twitch over a little thing like a new skylight, and Clark would finally have the secret that proves he's a monster. It even helps explain why he can be so damned callous of the emotions of the people who love him: If every dirty thought I had was a risk to my friends' lives, I'd start to treat closeness like kryptonite too. Every time he wants to fight for his place with someone he loves, his own conscience hits him over the head with the whopping big stick o'why he's got to let them leave, for their sake. I know it conflicts with the hot, hot pr0n, but has anyone ever taken more than just a quick look at what happens if he tells Lex about his real parents, they kiss, it's great, then (no quick and angsty cop-outs) a little bit of luck or careful experimentation proves that there's no safe way to go farther?
...er, well, thank you for inspiring odd rambles in me with this and so many previous excellent posts. And of course, also for the wonderful stories and the hot, hot, porn.
-Mari
ok, I can't resist one more -- the 'thousands of baby supermen' scenario hasn't happened yet, if only because the sperm don't get the exposure to our sun that they need... but what happens if Clark has sex outside? People would end up so fond of the good old days when all they had to fear was a homicidal meteor mutant.

Re: Oddly enough, this was the first Superman fanfiction I'd ever read

Well, with Man of Steele, it's been decanonized by the comics and "Lois and Clark", since both showed Clark in a stable relationship/marriage with Lois, so honestly, I don't really take the article very seriously except as extreme AU.

Though it IS interesting to ponder. *g*

Re: Oddly enough, this was the first Superman fanfiction I'd ever read

There have been one or two fics about what would happen if Clark was unable to safely have sex - There is a snippet in "Five Things That Aren't True" by Basingstoke which is really chilling. There was drabble in the last wednesaday100 that took a look at it as well.

As far as full length stories, there is one that I can't remember the title of where Lex jacks clark off from behind and the speak and density of Clark's semen is enough to leave dents in the castle's kitchen sink! But I don't think it took the scenario any further than that.

There are also a few stories that deal with Lex being surprised that the worst DOESN'T happen during sex with Clark.

Enjoy reading!

Watched Armageddon and cried again

Oh, so I'm not the only one then. I can *not* watch it and not blubber like a total idiot. I *know* I'm being manipulated but I'm helpless. Damn them!

*nodnodnod* Yes. Every. Damn. Time. I cry when they are about to get on the shuttles, cry when that ship gets hit, cry again when AJ appears out of nowhere, then get sick and just bawl when AJ's screaming at Harry about how much he loves him.

I mean, REALLY. I KNOW this is the evil-wrong emotional manipulation and I STILL break down every time.

*sniffles*

Does ANYONE look at an ad that says 'cumming girls and farmyard animals XXXX' and say, wow, I should go see this, especially since you filled my inbox with thirty of these in the last two days.

Sometimes I'm almost tempted to click. At least with those you know what is coming. It's not like the ones where it says on the subject line : 'veela-inc' or 'hey!Penelope' and then I click and it's about enlarging my manhood.

*laughs*

I HATE those. Hate hate hate. Though luckily, most of my friends who email me at least send me headers that I ca'nt mistake for something else. I think.

How IS your manhood, anyway? Have these emails encouraged you to enlarge it? *curious*

Aside from the Smallville stuff, I totally agree with you.

That Armageddon stuff really blew me away. I'd never thought of it that way, but now I see it. You've done it. I see the light! ;)

QUECO!

*shocky* You ARE, right? *blinks* Damn.

That Armageddon stuff really blew me away. I'd never thought of it that way, but now I see it. You've done it. I see the light! ;)

*snickering*

The slash goggles? Never come off. Ever.

It is me. The one and only. ;p

Now you've done it...

I have this bizzarre plot bunny now...

What if becoming a superhero was all about feeding this need to be useful, to belong, to replace the fact that Clark doesn't really have anyone or any place that he belongs to.

What if Superman were the only way out of a melt down?

hmmmmm


CJ - *going off muttering under her breath and thinking*

PS - BIG YES on the Armageddon stuff - oh yeah!

Re: Now you've done it...

*blinking blearily*

And right this second, you're writing this, right? RIGHT?????

*waits*

*hee* Armageddon gets us all, dammit.

There's this chance I'm going to get penis envy soon, just on the principle that at this point, if I have to get these emails, I should damn well have one of my own.

You mean you don't already *have* penis envy? One good Clex fic and I was a Freudian wetdream.

In fact, I maintain Clex slash has put me off straight sex irrevocably. I'm more into boys than ever, except now I want to bugger them. *And* I want blowjobs.

Sorry if that's TMI, lol!

*dies laughing*

It's like a "You Know You've Been Reading Slash Too Long When...." answer. *g*

You mean you don't already *have* penis envy? One good Clex fic and I was a Freudian wetdream.
Oh my Monjo. Tell me that you're not using "I Was a Freudian Wetdream" as a fic title, because those five words just inspired me to do a serious amount of Clex smutfic. I mean, *gratuitous* in an unbelivable way-type drabbles. Frell it, I'm using that for a title, and thanking you for being my Clex Muse by-proxy.
As for the penis envy, apparently my penis is not only small, but has an erectile disfunction as well. If I get one more e-mail about The NEW Viagra, I'm going to reply to it telling them that I am, in fact, penis free. See, this is why Lex gets shiny cars and why I get paintball guns. If you don't have a penis, or anyone to readily compare it to, you get other ways of penis envy.
Damn spam.

Tell me that you're not using "I Was a Freudian Wetdream" as a fic title, because those five words just inspired me to do a serious amount of Clex smutfic. I mean, *gratuitous* in an unbelivable way-type drabbles. Frell it, I'm using that for a title, and thanking you for being my Clex Muse by-proxy.

Have at it. Or have the boys have at it. Or... whatever. *g*

You are a porny-goddess. Yeah, consider yourself thanked. I'll write it out, type it up and post it in about a week, school work pending. I can tell you already that it's going to be humorous, disturbing, and there will probably be an inappropriate use of alcohol and ink blots.
This should be fun...

I've been comtemplating hopes that the end of Season II will lead to a nice Clark meltdown.

Oh, that is a fun idea! He's losing his special status in the lives of the people he cares about. Add to that the things he recently learned about himself in Rosetta and what his biological father expects of him. Not only is he losing his special place in the outside world, he's losing his internal belief of who and what he is.

He's alone, cast adrift in a sea of change. Abandoned by those he depends on to provide his identity at the same time his own identity is ripped from him by a father long dead. He's a stranger in a strange land, all his signposts removed. He's...okay, I think the ex-drama major in me has come out to play. Sorry about that. *g* But damn if it isn't a fun idea! Clark!angst is so very appealing. And just think of the opportunities it would give Lex to provide comfort!

*giggling*

He's alone, cast adrift in a sea of change. Abandoned by those he depends on to provide his identity at the same time his own identity is ripped from him by a father long dead. He's a stranger in a strange land, all his signposts removed. He's...

I adore you. Hee! I can see Clark in a white shirt on a pier at sunset now, staring melancholily into the ocean like Byron....

Wow, that was a moment. *grins* Poor, poor alienated little--alien. Huh.

I can see Clark in a white shirt on a pier at sunset now, staring melancholily into the ocean like Byron....

...the slight breeze coming off the ocean ruffling his hair, the lonely caw of the seagulls reminding him of his own solitary path, bringing a single tear to his eye which he does not let fall because there is no one left to care.

The sight of children building sand castles down on the beach brings fond reminiscences of his own lost innocence. And a stray inquiry, wondering how many slaves it would take to build his own Alien Overlord castle in a month. And can he have a moat too.

::sigh:: Poor, dear woobie.

Thank God I'm not alone!

I have never cried at a movie. I barely get choked up about real life tragedy. But for some reason, and this has always been my darkest secret, I get a little choked up when I watch Armageddon. I never understood it. I don't even like the movie. Clearly there is something powerful at work here. Maybe I just get wrecked by any man telling another man that he loves them. Even if it is Ben Affleck.
I get about 40 of those pornfomercial spam emails a day. My favourite is the one entitled "Break her walls with your huge shaft!" I hope that no one is opening them. It's not a good idea.

To Lex, little brother, only friend, general cheerleader and conscience. And sextoy, though apparently, some people don't consider that canon. How odd.

*blinks* Odd, indeed. Of course it's canon. *glares at TV to make it cooperate*

Watched Armageddon and cried again.

I'm not alone! When my parents and I visited the South Dakota Badlands, where they filmed the on-the-asteroid scenes for Armageddon, we went to the scenic overlook thingie at night, so it was pitch black, and you could just sense all of this monumental space right beyond the guardrail. And into the silence, I said, "If you listen closely, you can still hear Ben Affleck yelling 'I love you!' to Bruce Willis."

I'm amazed my parents haven't had me committed yet. *g*

Just a theory, but...

If Chloe and Pete were to start dating at any point coming up, I would suggest everyone run for cover, because Clark just might have a breakdown of some kind.
I couldn't agree more. Fact is that Clark's world, as we know it, is shattering. For once in his life, he's actually going through a normal stage of development. Cue the after school special music, Clark's got an identity crisis.
One which apparently leads to him being butt nekkid in the middle of a burning building, if promos for this next episode are at all acurate.
So, yeah, Clark's loosing everything that he defined himself by. This doens't just spell teenage angst, it practically screams, "HINGE!!!!!"
If there was ever a time for Clark to turn to his roots, it's now. He's lost what made him unique to Lana, the one-dimensional teary-eyed princess, to Lex, uber-sex pot and friend with an interesting obsession, and to his parents, platitude spouting Johnathan and former socialite Martha. Who can he turn to now? What's that, Jor-El you say? No? Well, I'll say it then, damnit. With Clark so unsure of his place with the people around him, and that nifty little message that his parents left him about taking over humanity plaguing the back of his mind, Clark's going to try and find answers, and now.
Where? Well, maybe the caves...what, you don't remember the caves since they suddenly and amazingly disappeared from every reference on the show to Clark? Get out! As much as Clark likes staring at the pretty pictures on the wall, and as shiny and spiffy as the drawings are, he's not going to find answers there. He's going to find them in his Storm Cellar.
My theory is damn close to Jenn's. Clark's lost it, it being what he belives is his purpose in this screwed up universe. So he's going to grab a thermos of his mother's tomato soup and go down into the storm cellar and I'll be damned if he isn't going to sit down and figure it all out.
Because, don't you know:
Teenage Clark Kent identity crisis = Spandex clad Man of Steel

Ramblings

(Anonymous)
Stories, I love Last Men. I´ve always love that idea. What can I say?. dark fic just grab me and don´t let me go... and happy ending becauseÍ´m that dumb.
All the Kingdoms of the World: this has a lotttttt of potential, it really has. anddddddddd.
Threaded Through It All: I love this idea too.
And the other is good, but a bit vague.. I don´t know, a short fic perhaps?. Something short a powerful, something that show no mercy, something that rip you apart, guilt?, lost of innocence?, a sense of sublime lost of the one thing that you should have never let go, the one thing that was only for you?, the only thing hat should have been worth fighthing for?. The only thing in wich Clark fails.

Seee?, rambling here.

Trades.

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