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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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rec - transference by semivowel
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Ronon had an energy pistol and was as big as a small horse, so he was essentially useless as a role model in scenarios such as this. Sheppard would have threatened to destroy their kingdom, their families, their domesticated pets and their entire stone age subculture, sow the ground with salt and make sure no life ever surfaced on their planet again. But Rodney lacked the edge of insane conviction to pull that one off.

That is possibly my favorite partial paragraph in the history of fandom. Because John totally would. With insane conviction.

Transference by semivowel. eleveninches recced it to me and was like YOU WILL ENJOY HERE IS THE LINK which is second only to svmadelyn's charming habit of pasting bits of fic into my AIM window to make me read something.

Though granted, eleveninches sends me good fic and svmadelyn sends me stuff that's like "and then he slid his thickly ridged emerald shaft into the blond man's slick brown flower while his wings beat a steady rhythm of sexual innocence into the thickly scented air above him. The dark-haired man thought lustfully, he smells like porridge."

(If that is an actual fic and I just randomly plagiarazed, please just shoot me. It would be kinder. I do not want to know this exists.)

ANYWAY.

Fic (the recced one!) is awesome and funny and *Fun* and I just don't think there are enough big gay planets. Not nearly enough. God, SGA. You shock me.


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If that is an actual fic and I just randomly plagiarazed, please just shoot me.

If that is an actual fic, then destroy the internet, its families, its domesticated pets and its entire badfic subculture, sow the ground with salt and make sure no life ever surfaced on the internet again.

So say we all.

Though I have often been tempted to post my favorite badfic lines. Hmm.

...slick ... brown ... flower ...

Your hypothetical fic has scarred me. NO SERIOUSLY. Oh god, I fear my dreams tonight.

Re: ...slick ... brown ... flower ...

rageprufrock! SERIOUSLY HER AND svmadelyn were talking and that came up and I WANTED TO DIE.

AND DIE AGAIN.

Hmm.

I wonder if I can do that again.

He tenderly slicked the puckered dark rose....

Hmm, no.

He tenderly and gently slicked the puckered dark-hued rose of his lover's manpussy...

Not romantic enough.

He sweetly slicked the tender, puckered, dark-hued rose of his lover's love chasm with his delicate, slender digits, marveling at the rich, chocolately scent of his blond lover's passion.

You know. I kind of think less of myself after writing that.

...doesn't shaft in flower action sort of preclude sexual innocence? Maybe?

LOGIC DOES NOT MATTER! IT IS THE VIRGIN BROWN FLOWER!

Fascinating tidbit! It makes me want to read the whole fic, just to discover which is the bigger than a horse: Ronon or Ronon's gun. (Hi, new to your lj. Was drawn here by the unholy amount of Smallville slash)

You should totally start the SGA equivalent of mctabby's Summary Executions. Only with badfic lines.

I am kind of darkly amused at the fact that it is a brown flower. Oh green-cocked one, your blond lover may be sexually innocent but he isn't very good about his hygiene and, really, you should be worrying about things like, I don't know, hepatitis.

*dies laughing* IT IS PASSION! PASSION DOES NOT KNOW THIS HYGEINE THING!

Ah, John's insane conviction. I less-than-three it so much.

He pleases me when he goes to the salt-the-earth place. I am still dreaming of the day that John orders something razed. I may just collapse and die.

(If that is an actual fic and I just randomly plagiarazed, please just shoot me. It would be kinder. I do not want to know this exists.)

You know, until I read that, I was really, truly, utterly horrified. More because of the porridge reference than anything else, though.

Ther'es something horrificically non-sexy about porridge.

on the topic of the recced fic....

Loved Transference and the paragraph you quoted was also my favorite paragraph in fandom. And it sounded so much like something you would write, or at least she was thinking of your John when she wrote it....

I also loved this sentence: Ronon’s skills were currently more usefully employed by looking and acting like a guy who was pissed as hell and exceedingly dangerous to know, and who could take out six of your best warriors before they got within three feet of him – which he was, so it wasn’t exactly taxing his acting ability. It's just...very Ronon, no?

Re: on the topic of the recced fic....

She does some *amazing* character descriptions like that. I'm seriously in love with those.

And yes, God, that *is* Ronon.

How sad is it that it was this part that made me laugh the hardest:

The dark-haired man thought lustfully, he smells like porridge.

Maybe it's because bad smut just doesn't even register on my radar anymore. How sad.

I had somehow managed to completely forget that fic, which I loved to pieces at the time. All of my favorite teamfic and McShep cliches wrapped into one satisfying and funny package, like good chocolate. And it was just as good as a reread today. Mmmmm.

(I was gratified to discover that I had actually commented at the time, which I often forget to do.)

The dark-haired man thought lustfully, he smells like porridge.

God, it's even worse when read over breakfast.

You let your computer have sex with the computer of the woman who sends such things?!?

The dark-haired man thought lustfully, he smells like porridge.

I don't have any more words. I just don't. fdaj;kfl;wdkaprueitopafjidz

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