Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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wookies, wookies, wookies

Because I keep losing this link.

Have a Very Wookie Christmas. Salon article. Possibly the reason that one day someone will be making an entry here explaining my sudden and lamentable death from asphyxiation.

There's no plot per se, but the show drifts along something like this: It's Life Day on the Wookie planet of Kashyyyk. (Life Day is sort of like Thanksgiving and Chanukah put together, except it's much, much more boring.) Chewbacca's return from his galactic adventures is eagerly awaited by his family -- wife Malla, father Itchy and son Lumpy.

Once again, that's "Itchy" and "Lumpy."

Anyhow, Malla (who I think is supposed to be pretty, but looks a little like Leatherface from "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre"), Itchy and Lil' Lumpy have several in-depth conversations regarding different Wookie-related matters. Of course, since they're speaking Wookie-ese, we can't understand a word.

This nonsensical squawking and squealing goes on for 20 minutes. Thankfully, Art Carney finally shows up and bestows upon the family a "mind evaporator."

Which, come to think of it, actually explains most of the program so far.

Apparently unimpressed with the low caliber of the show's guest-star cameo, Itchy settles down to indulge in a little Wookie porn via a sort of proto-cybersex virtual reality machine. Diahann Carroll appears in his porn finder, purring, "I am your fantasy. I am your pleasure. So enjoy me." Which Itchy -- licking his rubbery lips and shuddering orgasmically -- proceeds (at length) to do.

I love this article so much. My stomach hurts now from the laughing.
Tags: christmas
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