Everyone carries around certain--knee-jerk terrors. One of my biggest is that one day I will get online, and everyone has defriended me and will not speak to me on AIM. And I will be staring blankly at my little AIM buddylist and no one will be there.
I have a plan for this eventuality. I will create a new pseudonym and come back as a newbie eighteen year old who will instantly attach herself to a mentor (ONE OF THOSE WHO BETRAYED HER) and then wreck fandom forever from the inside via a complex yet brilliant series of machinations that will stun everyone. At the height of the terror, I shall reveal myself, dramtically (preferably in a way that will guarantee high readership and legendary status) then flout away to--God, I don't know. I don't have that many hobbies. Though there is always knitting.
My greatest hope is that all the people that destroyed seperis will suddenly and miraculously discover the error of their ways and send me email and winged unicorns to tempt me back and ltlj will drive down to Austin specifically to have lunch with me and tell me I am awesome.
You now totally see why I became a fanfic writer now, don't you? I am capable of great and powerful drama. I am not capable of great and powerful strategy on the spot, though, so I figured I'd better start working out the plan early. It's still--well, that's it. But I have faith that should this time come, I will prevail. Or I will dye my hair black. get esoteric tattoos, and start writing sad sonnets about amireal and samdonne and miss_porcupine on how they betrayed me.
(and all the rest of you, alphabetically. I have no idea how to write a sonnet, but I have come to the conclusion that if I change my hair color, the talent for bad poetry will soon follow.)
This is leading somewhere. Really.
I was on AIM chatting with Ami and Madelyn, and turned on pandion for ljtalk. No one was there! God, I said. Jenn, Madelyn said in amusement (always in amusement. Am I her monkey? Her playing cymbals monkey? You're all nodding, aren't you?) They are there. So I-well, I don't know what I did, but voila, they appeared!
(or, Madelyn quickly contacted them and said THE RUSE IS UP! SHE WILL DISCOVER OUR PLAN!)
(eyes those on ljtalk suspiciously. I CAN SEE YOU! I AM NOT FOOLED!)
Anyway, that is my night, and my insecurities, and my brilliant plan. I stil haven't picked a new pseudonym. *eyes you all darkly* Swear it never comes to that.
(Also: Lj comments is still being a bitch when I answer comments, but less so than it has been. I wil be answering comments and feedback--God--this week as quickly as I can.)
(I can't figure out how to tag this at all. Do I need a tag for delusional moments? I am scared to check back in my lj and see.)