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people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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if i were writing mensaverse and it involved sheppard's first time
children of dune - leto 1
After a day of shopping at the new Round Rock outlet mall, where bliss was discovered in skirts at seventy-five percent off and boots at sixty, I am in this terrible, horrible, life-threateningly *bad* mood. I even bought a jump drive. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HATE EVERYTHING WHEN ONE HAS AWESOME BOOTS AND TWO AWESOME SKIRTS? HOW?

*stares* Okay, there is no disease that awesome shoes do not minister to. I actually feel like making up a list of all the things I received via Christmas and post-Christmas shopping for the purposes of raising my mood. That is just sad.

Anyway. In lieu of unleashing my rage on real people, I thought I'd make Rod's life miserable.

If I Was Writing a Snippet From Mensa-verse, And It Involved Sheppard's First Time, It Would Go Something Like This

Sheppard's first time is such an unmitigated disaster that Rod's fairly sure come morning, his life as he knows it will end. Wiping sweaty palms on the sheets, Rod stares up at the ceiling in horror, wondering how in the name of God sex could possibly, possibly be *that bad*.

Sheppard can *shoot*, he remembers miserably, and for someone who thinks manual labor is beneath him, he spends way too much time on the range. There could be all kinds of off-world accidents.

Keeping his eyes on the ceiling, Rod takes a deep breath. "It's usually better than that." It's really all he's got here. Beside him, he can hear Sheppard breathing with the calm disdain of a man who is going to make Rod's life a living hell until the end of time.

He wishes he hadn't given up alcohol.

"Well," Sheppard says thoughtfully, the fast, sharp cadence of his speech so much like the labs that Rod feels a weird sinking in his stomach, "you're not as good at this as I assumed."

Rod grits his teeth and fights back the urge to point out that Sheppard hadn't helped, what with the moving away and the questions ("Are you sure that goes there?" Sheppard had asked worriedly) shouting ("Are you trying to *kill me*?") and the nearly breaking Rod's wrist and then *reading his email* during foreplay. Rod's had bad sex--God, he's had bad sex, Carson and Cadman and that horrible night with the latex gloves and hair nets comes to mind vividly--but it pales in comparison to this.

On the other hand, he's not coming out of this with latex burns, so he's still ahead. "It was a first time," Rod says weakly, with all the patience he can muster, when mostly, he wants to go to the lab and maybe build something that makes a very large explosion. The size of a planet, perhaps. Or a solar system.

Sheppard sits up in that creepily straight way that makes Rod want to see if there's titanium covering his spinal cord and not bone, tossing the blankets aside and beginning to dress, too-stiff movements and teeth-clenched winces that make Rod stare guiltily at the ceiling, because there's no way Sheppard is going to be comfortable on his lab stool tomorrow.

It also makes him kind of scared, because he's going to *be* in a lab with Sheppard tomorrow.

"Sheppard," he starts, but his voice trickles off as Sheppard sits down with a visible twitch to put on his boots, once again the immaculate, horrifyingly color-blind scientist they all know and fear. "Sheppard?" Pushing his hair behind his ears, Sheppard stands up, reaching down to grab his laptop from a chair, and walks out without another word.

Yeah. He's so fucked.

Perhaps I'm the only person who thinks this, but tehre should totally be more bad sex in fandom. It's clearly awesome.

*dies* Yes. There should be.

*hopes your bad mood encounters good chocolate!*

*small voice* Jenn? I find Sheppard the Doctor scarier than Crimes Against Humanity John.


Re: *hopes your bad mood encounters good chocolate!*

HE IS! I kind of shiver when I write him. I mean, John in Crimes is only homicidal. But this John.....


The horror would be immense. *grins* Must think.

Hee. I like tortured Rod and horrible John.

I am kind of a hopeless addict to it. I really want him to come int eh lab and shiver as he sees Sheppard's mismatched clothing in eye-searing shades of yellow and teal and without matching shoes and think how very doomed, doomed, doomed he really is.

I agree. This is the scariest Sheppard *ever*. More please? Or more Homicidal!John? (bats eyes)

(I was totally in a bad mood this afternoon too, but it was because I had to work and then about thirty different people tried to kill me when I was on the road. I ate chocolate and all was better.)

What was Child's reaction to the notebook? Much glee?

He nearly passed out. *g* He carries it around in its bag and is constantly touchign it. SO CUTE.

And yes, Dr.Sheppard is *very scary*.

Oh my God! *giggles*

Please tell me you're going to announce your Mensa AU stuff over at mensa_au?

It's not really *stories*--one is--something. And the other is a random snippet!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

You frighten me. In the best way! :-D

I think the best sex-related quote I've ever heard was from "That 70's Show": "It's more fun than it looks!"

Seriously, these snippet/story/things are fantastic. ^_^

I am so terrified of this John. He's scary. Hold me.

Keeping his eyes on the ceiling, Rod takes a deep breath. "It's usually better than that."

*pets Rodney* He never should have given up alcohol.

Other John would be like "Bad sex? Is that possible. I thought that was something less attractive people did. And I guess there was that time in Mexico, with the handcuffs and the gun, and you could call that 'bad,' scary maybe.."

There needs to be some parallel running of their lives; like John's first time, Sheppard's first time.

And Sheppard, is so mean. I don't like him. I want him to grow a heart, literally.

that horrible night with the latex gloves and hair nets


Like many other people, this Sheppard scares me. But he's fascinating to watch. From a long way away.

Yeah, the possibilities of bad first time sex aren't *nearly* well-enough explored! And this manages to hint at apocalyptically bad sex...I can't *wait* for the rest of it!

I like Rod so much more now that he's suffering.



The more he suffers, the more I like him. It's weird like that.


I bet if I got the Genii to torture him for a *really long time*? I'd probably be his love slave. Maybe.

oh noooo!!! *runs and hides*
Great fic!