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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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more on unfathomable vocabulary use
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
First, the good news--I have not seen prostrate substitued for prostate in *months*. It's so nice when people no longer mistake a noun for a verb.

Also happily, no wonton wantons. My need for Chinese has been curbed.

I'd like to say all is well in ficland, but I ran across Yet Another Rodney The Potato Shaped Man of Maximum Chubbiness. Okay. I just want to go on record. Someone needs to write a Jack Sprat and his wife fic for this pairing. Between anorexic/bulimic, hollow-eyed, slow starvation John Sheppard and The Largest Non-Sumo Wrestler Man in History Rodney, my fandom frankly *deserves* it.

Hmm. There has been anorexic John but no Weight Watchers Rodney on a calorie counting diet and crying into his low fat soy ice cream substitute. This is a great injustice.

So let's go to Verbs Maybe I Shouldn't Use For This Sex Scene.

1.) Plowed.

Maybe it's just me. I'm totally insane like this. I grew up rural. We did not see plows in the context of sexual gratification. We saw plows in the context of dirt. With you know. Farming things. Okay, I'm rural, but I never worked a farm in my life. But still. I just--want you to consider, when you are writing about the tender lovemaking of Joe and Jay, and how their passion is so pure, and their love so wonderful, going to a place where someone is plowing someone else? Maybe not what you wanted to get across? Just--okay, I'm disturbing myself with visions of a backhoe and kind of want to lie down now.

2.) Pummelled.

As in pummelled the prostate. Did I spell that right? Seriously. Pummelled? Look, sometimes we may get tired of using those old, normal verbs, but they're old and normal for a *reason*. They do not remind people of school yard fighting. Okay, I've got to stop with the comparisons.

So? Any other verbs that bring unfortunate imagery?


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Hi. You don't know me, but I've been lurking for a while and figured, hey, why not comment?

I can't really think of any other verbs that give me the heebee-jeebees, but there are a few phrases that make me wince when I read.

Such as for the prostate (Almost spelled prostrate there but that was an innocent slip of the fingers. I swear) the two that come to mind first off is 'magic button' and I swear I read this in a story before but it could have been a nightmare (yes, I dream about reading fic... don't you? ::shifty eyes) 'man clit.' Just... what?

Or for the anus. Good God, people, can't you just used the tried-and-true terms, and not be... creative? Poop shute (and not being sarcastic or witty) 'little brown star'... the list goes on and on. Bah.

OH MY GOD MAN CLIT? PLEASE TELL ME YOU KID!

*shudders*

You win for the world. Right there. That? Is a nightmare.

Or for the anus. Good God, people, can't you just used the tried-and-true terms, and not be... creative? Poop shute (and not being sarcastic or witty) 'little brown star'... the list goes on and on. Bah.

...I know you are not joking? But I'm going to pretend you are for a few more minutes. For the sake of my sanity.

I swear to you she's *not* kidding. Man-clit, boy-clit--I've seen them both, more than once, and I'm sure everyone heard my shriek of agony and the sound of my keyboard shattering from the force I used hitting the 'delete' key.

Oh, the pain. :-)

PUCKERED ROSEBUD.

...god, I just followed links here on a whim, and THIS is what I choose to post in a poor stranger's journal?!? I am so sorry.

Dearest God. It's like someone sits and thinks, what is the most inappropriate and squicky thing I can call thsi part of the body?

*shudders*

::wince:: Why does that have to be so common? Why? ::wails::

And if you want bad euphemisms for the anus, try "man-cunt".

Oh, I WISH I kid. I've read some awful fic out there and could probably tell you more that would curl your hair. I think I blocked 'em out, though. But look for people who write their own MST3K for badfics, and there's some out there that are just plain awful.

I... man clit? And I don't think I can actually even look at the last section of that comment. At all.

I'm pretty sure that whoever wrote that doesn't have the slightest idea what either a prostate or a clit is (ok, I'm not entirely sure about the latter, but my point stands). For that matter, they must not know anything about hygiene to use the phrase 'little brown star'

I actually saw "chocolate starfish" once, and laughed my head off. I'm thinking of marketing a line of candies, now...

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