Ten true public statements we all believe with all our hearts--or do we??????
Notice the excessive use of question marks.
1.) You are perfectly okay with constructive criticism.
LIE: You want to hear good things. Those that do not tell you good things are tasteless barbarians and destined for hell.
2.) You are *fine* with being unfriended and do not take it personally.
LIE: You plot revenge, ask all your fifty closest friends what you did wrong, get despondent, and write goth poetry to your pain. Please. I've seen your notebook.
3.) You are good with everyone else's other pairings.
LIE: Other people's pairings that you don't share are stupid. Logic? What logic? They just *are*.
4.) You never tell friends about controversial locked posts they can't see that you can.
LIE: You totally copy the entire thing, post it in word, and send it to her and all your closest friends. All five hundred of them.
5.) You are above kerfluffles and do not read them.
LIE: You read them, you take sides, you sockpuppet, then you email all your friends and tell them to help out.
6.) You are mature and responsible when you get flames.
LIE: You post it to your LJ and mock the writer, invite others to do so, then compose long entries on their genealogy.
7.) You never mock badfic in private or in private locked LJ posts only shared with a few close friends.
LIE: Oh please. Your entire AIM buddy list, your aunt Margaret, and your best friend from kindergarten have been pasted pieces of this monstrosity so you can share the trauma.
8.) In all fannish arguments, you are the voice of cool, calm logic and reason. You respect other people's right to believe things you do not.
LIE: Are you kidding me? You kerfluffle at the drop of an adjective. People who don't agree with you are stupid. They need to be taught a lesson. And you, with your five hundred closest friends, will administer the spanking!
9.) You do not bother with stat counters on your webpage except to assure you don't go over bandwidth and to make sure that no one is hotlinking.
LIE: You totally check to see what is being read, where they are linking from, and what they're saying about you.
10.) You are fine when there is a locked post by someone you know that you can't see.
LIE: Oh my God, the lie. You find out who this person has friended, whine until they show you, and talk about how much you dislike filters, silently plotting revenge for being excluded.
I STILL DON'T FEEL INSPIRED TO WRITE PORN. GOD WHAT KIND OF A WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE PORN IS SO HARD? COCK ASS BLOWJOB IT IS NOT HARD.