You know what I'm not doing?
I'm not reading the wednesday100. In fact, I am not even looking at it. I have REMOVED it from my primary reading list for the day, by God, after the blank shock of seeing sixteen--SIXTEEN--kick-me-in-the-heart drabbles and being unable NOT to read them.
Remember what I said that I'm getting MORE OTP as time goes on, instead of less? Yep. Remember all that mumbling I did about how by this time in fandom usually my fannish intensity usually dies down but apparently, Smallville's good for screwing with my patterns?
Can't do it. Just can't. Hundreds of one hundred word break-up drabbles? You're KIDDING me. No no no no no. Can't do it.
*grins merrily* Run along and destroy my OTP. I am here, in denial, mulling domestic bliss and trash day for my boys.
Okay, saying that with a straight face is funny.
martianhousecat last night held my hand through what is probably the second hardest story I've written. Long time ago, I said never again start writing without at least a vague idea of what I'm doing. Tabula rasa--no idea, no concept, just going with the words until they congeal like day old soup. It's freaksome. Here, I started with two things--one, Clark, two, Lucas, three, an alley. Everything else just developed.
Anyway. It's strange.
[Unknown LJ tag] pleases us all yet again with another wonderful fic, Of Man's Desiring, a look at the complexities of Jonathan Kent. Wonderfully fair, beautifully written, and damned good. Highly recommended.
Cooking Considered As One of the Fine Arts by tstar78. Cookies! Wonderful Martha! Good characterizations all around, and watching Clark and Lex from Martha's point of view is wonderful.
Not really so much that as this vague--confusion isn't the right word. It'd be more accurate to say bewilderment.
I do NOT get absolutes.
This could be a sad lack in my standards or something--I have so very few. Absolutes annoy me. Okay, a LOT of things annoy me, but anytime anyone says 'this is the way and the only way blah blah blah' I'm tempted to take the opposite view, and scarily, this happens even if I agree with them.
Yes, I really AM that contrary.
I'm not a natural rebel. I am all status quo. I am, in fact, the very opposite of a rebel. So this little streak of contrariness--which by the way, I had no idea I possessed until I spent quality time in fandom--really makes me wonder. I don't like to say I'd argue against something simply because someone phrased their statement the wrong way, even if I agree--but I think that might be moe true than I'm comfortable with.
Okay, we all have this reaction. Someone we don't like says something that we agree with in some discussion. Agree completely with. They have phrased it so that it will go down in history as the best possible answer to the situation ever. Songs will be written based on that answer, it's set in stone for the masses to admire. And dammit, it almost hurts when we have to say, so and so is right. Because, argh. Argh argh argh.
On one of my lists, I always--and this is literal--always get insta!defensive when someone makes a proclamation, and I want to take the opposite tack, even in the case of full out agreement. And it's not like I dislike these people--I admire most, have read several in fictional situations, and all are intelligent, articulate, and interesting. Some I actively like, actually.
But then comes The Proclamation On The Subject.
'This is the way and this is how it's done'. Every time, my teeth start getting grindy-like and I stare at the email and ask, okay, is it her phrasing that's peeving me or is it the content of the message? It's an interesting distinction. Phrase it as an absolute, and I'm instantly looking for any and all exceptions to break it down, even if experience and common sense tell me that the statement is true or should be.
*sighs* I'm never going to be a good debater.
The argument in this case was in creative process, which luckily, is something I actually do have a very different idea on.
I'm always a results kind of girl. Seriously, if you get your writing done standing on your head and asking your stuffed animals for feedback and you listen to their advice? If the story's good, I'll send the stuffed animals chocolate and encourage them to continue their good work. More power to the plush, I say.
I mean, I love hearing how people function as artists, writers, etc. The variation is huge and fascinating and sometimes so damn bizarre. I read biographies on authors I've liked hoping to find out how they do it, how they get from point a to point finished story. I've never bought the One True Way nonsense, because the very wiring of the human mind precludes One True Way anything. Seriously, as a race, we can't even be completely the same on what our dominant hand is going to be or how we like our coffee, so saying the creative process is supposed to be the same across the board is like saying everyone should be brunette to be human.
Okay, I dye my hair red regularly, so I resent those people, dammit!
Maybe it's the feeling of elitism that bothers me most. I don't grudge opinions so much as the idea that anyone considers their way the One True Way AND considers anyone's variation from that as less pure, less good, less likely to produce good fic/art/whatever, less in every sense. I am elitist as hell and I don't really try to hide that, but frankly, I don't drag that elitism into how the human mind functions. I feel lucky if I can figure out how my own brain works, so trying to judge how someone else's does? Riiight.
Though you know….
If I'm honest, part of this is me personalizing, since I've changed my process, and the comments seemed to imply I wasn't doing it right anymore and had lost some purity or quality in that change. You know, fighting for the poor, underappreciated person? I can do that. Fighting for myself? Oh hell, I'm all over it. *grins*
Sometimes. When I can pry myself away from getting the boys naked. What, you thought I wrote plot for art's sake? No no no, the plot is a covering to get the boys NAKED.
Another part of it is--I guess I'd call it a certain level of frustration with the idea that good and great fic has to be this year's fanfic answer to Watership Down or War and Peace. Every so often I get my undies in a bunch after I read something extraordinary, thinking, okay, if I'm not going to be trying for this standard ALL THE TIME, why the fuck am I writing?
This leads to some really bizarre LJ entries and some whining on AIM to people who don't run when they see the signs. Just be prepared, it'll happen again. RivkaT's Ruat Caelum put me in a fit like that when I first read it.
But anyway, then I remember.
Fiction is the work of the author, because they have something to say. More or less. Whatever they have to say. And sometimes, they have things to say about Great Deep Thoughts and Great Moral Crises and Great Whatevers. And sometimes, they just want to say, look! They're having fun! They're petting puppies! Awww!
Fiction is, in its ideal form, the writer saying something and a connection being made with a reader. Plural readers, singular readers, stuffed animal readers. You get the drift. And sometimes, we all connect over Great Deep Thoughts.
And sometimes, we all connect on how fucking hot it is for Lex to tie Clark up and pour syrup all over him. Legalos. Enimem. Cheese puffs. Minesweep. Whatever you want to pour syrup on.
And I am SO good with that. No one can live on a diet of Great Thoughts alone. Because that is Very Very Boring. And wow, what do you watch on television?
And feedback--it isn't just you telling an author, I like this, and you are totally Hemingway and Tolstoy with some Catherine Coulter smut in to make it all good. It's saying, you got it right. The connection, however weird, fragile, strange, or blurred, was made, I got what you meant to say, and it worked, and sometimes, if you're lucky, that reader will tell you how it happened.
Which is why I thinking that saying "I am writing for feedback" isn't saying, "I write for praise, love, security, and a bandage to my shredded ego, love me dammit", though it can be. It's saying, "I'm wrote this, and I want to connect, and dammit, if it works? TELL ME. Because I want to know I got it right."
Because really, we're always writing to say something. Even if it's just "hi".
Mmm. Chocolate coffee.