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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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dvd commentary
children of dune - leto 1
Okay, I have totally depressed myself by re-reading my own freaking fic. The Spiderman/Smallville crossover one. Okay, the thought that lingers is, who the hell let me write that? Everyone is *miserable*. I mean, when not fucking. And I thought this was a *good idea*?

I keep having to stop and apologize to Peter for, you know, killing *his wife*. And Clark and Lex for making them so utterly depressed. Everyone in there should be on *medication*.


So, low stress. If I were to do a DVD commentary on a fic, any in particular you'd be interested in reading? I've done--er, two? I'm not terribly good at it, mostly because the structure eludes me. But hey! I can try! None of the WiPs, since I never know where I am in those until I'm there. But you know, any of the others? Will try.

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It's funny, how that contrasts, between the past and present. And it wasn't deliberate, really, not at first. But all that hope and happiness in the past, and Lex *thinking* he'd hit rock bottom post-Desiree and getting comfort from Peter. Compared to the present part, with Lex *really* at rock bottom and Peter's world already destroyed past saving.

I mean, I look at that, and it's only recently it hits me how I built this universe where the happiest ending would have been for Peter to stay in Metropolis and be Lex's lover. I mean, they'd both still be totally haunted and unhealed and longing for the people they can't have, but they wouldn't be alone.

That's just--God.

Plus, seriously, I didnt' know I'd killed Mary Jane until Lex said it. Just *breaks* me every time.

I'd forgotten the plot and characteristics from the story when I re-read it, but as it started to unfold things kept coming back to me; and I was wondering how these things happened, how MJ died and why there is no return for Lex and Clark's relationship. I don't know that they could ever be happy again, any of the characters; whether it's too late for Clark and Lex to be reconciled, or for Pete, who lost both people that he loved. But I always harbored the dream that because Pete took the pictures that made Lex and Clark both see with more clarity, he gave them a catalyst to get back together. I didn't see it as utterly dystopic; more like the dark, dark bottom before the shaky rise can start again.

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