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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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so one of those days
atlantis
seperis
There was this panic thing today, where I valiantly attempted to not break into hysterics when my mother casually mentioned my uncle and aunt asked about my fanfiction.

I have mentioned Uncle and Aunt in relation to the Thing With the Conversation About Sex Around Christmas While Sister Drove Us To Pick Up a Piano. Yes. Those nice, suburban, really ultra normal relatives.

The thing that kind of terrifes me is twofold. One--oh my God, how the fuck did he find out? How did *they* find out? Like, outside the people in my very immediate family, I do not talk about this. It's the thing I barely discuss with my mother. Because I am scared to death that my mother will question me on how I learned to write gay sex. I just--no. I will never be old enough, mature enough, insane enough to discuss any sort of fictional sex with my mother. We are just not going there.

Huh. I just had a traumatic moment. Hold on.

Anyway, apparently, to just complete this collapse is that my uncle--my nice, recovering-from-cancer, really-nice-with-great-sense-of-humor uncle is--he is Wandering the Net. Somewhere. He is reading fic. He is reading fic and is interested in it. Apparently, he is reading enough to ask my mother for my pseudonym. He possibly--I can't even begin to express my pure, unmitigated horror--is reading in at least one of my old fandoms. If he hits the wrong page, he won't need my psuedonym. The older archives in a few still use my full name.

Wait. What if he falls over some hentai? I mean, not that I wrote any, but it's like, out there, and that's not what you want your uncle to click on when he's looking for like, Star Trek gen or something, you know?

Oh my God. *blinks slowly* I am torn between denying I exist--which will make Christmas interesting--and sending desperate emails to steer him away from anything that will end with him at the next Christmas dinner saying "So, Jenn, you had Superman in bondage gear, huh?"

And I will cry a lot. I mean, after I run screaming. Or have a total collapse of some kind.

...how the hell did he find out? That? Is not something that comes up in casual conversation. Or you know, in any conversation ever.

Okay, done with that.

Day Two Without Madelyn

She forbade flame wars until she got back--and by the way, all fandoms she watches and reads? Those orders are for you, too, so keep zen until she gets back--and it's not like I'm Miss Controversial Subject anyway, though I feel this really weird desire to do a Compare and Contrast--Why Some People Should Be Forbidden Access to John Without a License and Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls--but that would be wrong. I mean, not the sentiment, but you know, being mean. And because I took recs without vetting them first and sometimes, morbid fascination can really screw you up.

Did a complete read of Pru's Visiting Hours and Conflict of Interests here, which was interestingly fun. Mostly because I said for years and years and years or you know, months, that I would read it over my own dead body, because she makes awesome furious noises and possibly blocked me on AIM, so there was that furtive thing going on. I mean, on one hand? I am ashamed I broke. On the other, they kick so much serious ass. Smallville fic, God do I miss you sometimes. No fandom gave me epic passionate terrifying scary unhealthy love like that. Love that could end in puppies, babies, or the destruction of the world on any given day.

Oh yeah. *sighs* It's like worm porn, really.

Hmm. Anyone read anything intersting?


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*surreptitiously sends you crackfic*

Except, you should let me know if you got it or not. Because I sent it from the account that hated your account last time.

Oh my God. *blinks slowly* I am torn between denying I exist--which will make Christmas interesting--and sending desperate emails to steer him away from anything that will end with him at the next Christmas dinner saying "So, Jenn, you had Superman in bondage gear, huh?"

On the one hand- oh my god, I feel your pain; I suspect that my dad has found some of my NC-17 femmeslash fic before, and that is something I just do not want to think about. But on the other hand- I have an essay due in ten hours, I haven't slept, and cracking up laughing reading this post did wonders to improve my mood. :D

Well, unintentionally, my own fic.

Because there are some day I'm almost like smart people but others? Not so much.

I did read the best handjob fic EVER while I was sullenly lurking in my office and having murderous thoughts about creating deliberately cruel forms to be used in the lab. But back the handjob fic, it was SPN (natch) but het! And did I mention the best EVER?

I just caught my own unintentional use of "day," singular, there. Nice. Painfully accurate, too.

See, this is why I do not write fic anymore. Even though my dad and I have this totally unspoken (Oh, God, totally unspoken) Understanding that we leave one another's porn the hell alone, and when I'm at home for Christmas the old habits kick in and we both make sure to stomp up the hallway so as not to walk in on the computer room unannounced - just, no. I wouldn't mind if it were just run-of-the-mill sex, I don't think, but I am all about the porn and the kink, and. No.

Even if there was that one time in college that one of my guy friends wanted to look at het porn at my place, and I figured the fastest way there was the history links on dad's machine. Fortunately, I didn't find anything that scarred me. In retrospect, I probably deserved to.

...families and the internet just don't mix, do they?

No. No mixing of the universes. This is a crossover that should not happen.

*breathing*

Because I am scared to death that my mother will question me on how I learned to write gay sex. I just--no. I will never be old enough, mature enough, insane enough to discuss any sort of fictional sex with my mother. We are just not going there.

Oh, do I feel your pain. The mother has always known about the fandom thing, but it used to be shrugged off with eyerolling and sighs. Then I started writing, and made the mistake of letting it slip that I'd started writing. Since, she's gotten an odd sort of... pride about the whole thing. It's a little scary, really. Lately, though, there've been several requests to read. Last week I finally broke down and said no outright, and when the inevitable why came, I uttered the words, "Because they're very... adult."

From there, I actually was asked how I learned to write this stuff. *shudder* So not a conversation I wish to have ever, ever again.

May the family be kept at bay, and you not be forced to deny your existence. Maybe plead insanity?

And this?

Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls

Cracked me up endlessly. Thank you.

*giggles*

Insanity sounds good. Very, very good.

As much as it might be traumatizing at first when your family finds out about the gay porn, I've found it really freeing in the end. I don't have to avoid their questions about whether or not than can read my stuff because they know they don't want to. My grandma and I call it, "stories that are not grandma appropriate." Sure, I still have to argue that it's a legitimate hobby, but I've always had that struggle with my gen writing, book reading, and any other hobby that didn't involve the outdoors (i.e. everything I did).

*sighs* Yeah, sometimes I am completely thrown by what other people consider legit hobbies and not-legit hobbies.

*fumes softly*

*hugs* I had something similiar happen to me. My aunt googled my name for some reason, and fic I had written under my own name that I couldn't get taken down came up. Luckily it wasn't one of my NC-17 ones!

I've posted recs recently, including SGA.
http://meret.livejournal.com/510224.html
http://meret.livejournal.com/506833.html

So Pretty When Your Mine

So you mean to tell me you no longer write sv fic? I'm soo sad right now. I just read So Pretty When Your Mine and love it so much! Please excuse me if you've heard this 100,000 times but, will you be finishing this story?

Re: So Pretty When Your Mine

I really don't think so, though it' possible.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, though!

Tell your mom to tell your uncle -- 'For the love of God, pay attention to the warnings! And if you read anything labeled NC-17, you are forbidden from telling me.'

That's what I told my mom. Not to tell my uncle, those are rules for her. And so far it's worked quite well.

Yeah, I've had the family (and friends) asking about fanfiction thing, because I'm stupid and talk too much. I've never given out my pseudonym to any of them, though. Mostly I just say vaguely, "Oh, sure, I'll send it to you," and never do, and they forget about it.

Why Some People Should Be Forbidden Access to John Without a License and Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls

*ducks*. I CAN'T STOP WRITING ABOUT HOW SCREWED UP HE IS. He doesn't cry, though. Yet. God, I love him.

Oh, screwed up is good. Good good good.

Crying into his pillow over his existential pain and how no one loves him ever adn he is omgsograteful Rodney loves him? Oh dear God.


Hum..Hy *Carmilla waves*

A beautiful Stargate SGA fic I 've read in this period is Synecdochic's Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose
There are Season 2 spoilers and conjecture for the future.

It's raw and beautiful piece of writing.
Go on, trust me.

This is the link:http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/61471.html

Bites

Carmilla

P.s. Sorry for my poor english i'm italian.

Hi!

Yeah, I read that when it was posted, but thanks!


And I will cry a lot. I mean, after I run screaming. Or have a total collapse of some kind.


That would so be me, too, if even one of my sympathetic relatives found my adult stories. It just opens up a whole realm of awkwardness.

I keep getting into these situations that are completely different, where I have to explain fanfic to people who regard it as something that weird people do, or they want to ascribe all sorts of bizarre motives to the writers, like trying to control the source material or get close to the actors or some kind of power game. It's like they don't want to believe the only motive is just that it's fun.

Oh God. Only one person ever have I ever tried to explain, because she seemed interested. She got the writing part, kind of, though I'm doubting she understood why, but explaining the community aspect--dear God. I am never doing that again. I have never felt that defensive about anything in my life.

Oh, God. As much as I shudder in sympathy at the thought of the wrong relatives (in my case, actually, any relatives) running across my fic and knowing that I was the one who wrote it, I had to crack up at the whole Xmas dinner/Superman bondage part.

Some people really shouldn't be allowed to write. But I'm usually able to exercise the "back" button really quickly when I catch a hint of badness.

Here are the stories from the Back to Basics challenge. The vast majority of which are totally awesome. Go! Read!

On the one hand sympathises with you and your uncle situation on the other?
My fifteen year old son told his scout troop - I repeat - *HIS SCOUT TROOP* I write porn. Like I write het or something!!

Yes I really am that old...

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