I shall call this The Deus Ex Machina Episode. I have never seen so many contrivances stuck into forty-five minutes of active television watching in my life. Seriously, I'm impressed as hell. That takes a sheer and amazing lack of talent to pull off.
Martha looks furtive. Very furtive. Clutching a Suspicious Flour Bin to her chest. For those who keep up with continuity (and I do feel sorry for those of you who do, because, damn, you must spend a lot of time with high blood pressure), this is where she hid the ship key during the end of Insurgence. She goes into the cellar in broad daylight. The Ship is there. The Magic Tarp of Concealment isn't on it, so I'm worried. For some reason, she leaves the doors wide open.
I know, but this STILL annoys me. Anyway.
Clark comes in suddenly, calling for his Mommy for no apparent reason. Clark is blissfully unaware of her furtiveness and guilt, no huge surprise. As we watch, he overlooks her twitching as Martha asks why Clark and his dad aren't somewhere else. I can't remember where, possibly because I was still amazed the Magic Tarp of Concealment is off the ship. Martha makes noise regarding food to get, Clark wanders off, still oblivious.
Martha sees cans of lead-based paint and buries the key there, along with the flour. I still don't get why the flour had to go too. What did it ever do to her? As we watch, Magic Green particles enter her body as she breathes, and I think we got a view of her throat there. Why thank you for that. She doesn't look that great.
Back inside, we see Jonathan doing manly things. Fixing the kitchen sink. Yes, high entertainment here. *sighs* Clark and Jonathan banter badly. Martha, now clutching a jar of peaches to her chest and still looking furtive, goes to feed them lemonade. Both men are oblivious to her suspicious furtive guiltness. She drops the pitcher and collapses. Clark, amazingly, is NOT oblivious to his mom at this point (I'm shocked) and catches her before a phallic shaped glass can impale her. We get this in slow motion, extending the entire concept far past what is actually interesting. Panicky, he says she's not breathing. He and Jonathan talk to her since, as we all are aware, telling people who can't breathe to breathe works miracles. CPR? Who needs CPR?????
Hmm. I'm really not fond of this episode. But keep that 'miracles' theme in mind. It's coming up again. Boringly.
Dr Helen tells John and Clark that Martha is ill. Really? Never would have guessed. Clark is slightly less oblivious but kind of looks sleepy. Jonathan says, go forth and do deliveries, for it is what your mother would want. Clark rebels, yadda yadda yadda, he goes. Now the cool part. Helen tells Jonathan that Martha is pregnant.
For continuity buffs, we got our first clue back in Ryan. In a while, I'm going to do some magic math. But not now.
Lex, cute and smooth in a suit, is at the hospital, where he lives whenever anyone named Kent is in residence. At this time, he is eating with Helen, and he spies a letter from John Hopkins. Oh, they want her there for Pure Research. I like to call this Foreshadowing, because then she says her first love is pure research. Foreshadowing! Right here! While the audience says "Go Helen!", for some reason, she seems to be unsure. Lex looks slightly perturbed, but doesn't want to stand in her way. We don't want him to, either. Let her go and fulfill her destiny, Lex!
Okay, that's just me. Dammit.
Three people in Police Officer Blue Coats appear. Apparently, these are doctors. Seriously fooled me. They are, we discover, from CDC, because unknown toxin in Martha requires them to be called in.
Jonathan tells Clark that Martha is pregnant. He's stunned. Again, oblivious, but I can't blame him. The CDC asks about places Martha could have picked up toxins. Jonathan and Clark says she hasn't left the farm since the weekend. So Martha definitely does not work for Lionel now? Wouldn't it have been nice to have been told this directly at some point? Lo! Jonathan cries, but quietly, as CDC members leave. The ship! It must be hidden! The Magic Tarp of Concealment isn't on the ship! They will see it! Okay, he didn't say that, he said move the ship, but I point out, the tarp wasn't on the ship.
I'm kind of saddened I find the tarp issue more interesting than anything else happening here.
Clark dashes home at top speed to get to the ship. Whilst covering it with the Magic Tarp (smart boy!) he breathes in the Magic Green Dust, and of course, we can all guess where this is going, can't we? He and Pete are then on the road, taking the ship to Pete's cellar, where it will be properly hidden. Possibly with the Tarp. Clark starts blacking out, running off the road. Pete gets a wound, and afterward? We get to see the wound is there. Right on his eyebrow! Yes! That is so new.
Clark is amazed to find his powers won't work as he tries to push the truck. Let us all take a moment and remember Leech, yet this is less interesting somehow. As they watch, a convey of CDC and police with pretty lights approach. Pete, desperate, says they must get the truck back on the road. Do they think they can get it on the road and run or something? The people can SEE them! Okay, anyway. Somehow, they manage, and then they watch in silence as the convey passes.
Yes, this made all kinds of sense.
Clark comes back home to find the CDC around farm, and man, this is fun. They look spooky. All in gear carrying plastic bags looking dark. The Main Doctor Guy asks if Martha's been in the cellar after a report comes in about Unusual Dirt down there. Jonathan, who is being just strange, says no. Clark says yes. I'm not sure if Jonathan forgot or is deliberately hiding it. They dig and find flour and key. Presenting both to Jonathan, Jonathan says he's never seen it before. Clark tells Jonathan he thinks he was exposed.
John talks to Martha. She says she worried about telling him about baby. She also says the Magic Ship made her able to get pregnant.
Lana talks to Clark while Clark reminisces and looks cute. Suddenly, Clark collapses. Lana yells Clark's names several times as he falls down the stairs.
Helen comes by. Jonathan sends Lana away. Jonathan begins being weird and mysterious. Helen ignores him, which makes me smile a lot. I do that too! They show us a close up of the needle she's going to use to draw blood. Jonathan says you can't draw blood from Clark. That he isn't a normal boy. Helen asks if it's a religious thing, but she's tuning him out. I really like her right now. To the shock of all (though I kind of thought this might be coming) the needle goes straight in. Jonathan acts so shocked that I want to slap him silly. SECRETS JONATHAN! REMEMBER NIXON?
Dear God, how have they survived this long again?
Jonathan looks desperate and with far too much significance, tells her to do the blood test herself. I assume Helen agreed. She likes Pure Research.
Anvil of foreshadowing, right here.
Doctor studies blood, amazed by something. I'd like to know what. Lex comes by--as stated before, when Kents are in residence, so is he. Convenient that he got a girlfriend there, isn't it? I'm seeing the attraction. She hides stuff about Clark from Lex. I wonder why? Lex asks about Martha, and Helen says it's confidential, blah blah blah. Lex mentions John Hopkins again. Lex, let her fulfill her destiny. I don't like that gleam in her eye while looking at Clark's blood samples.
Chloe comes by in pretty red car. Is that a Volkswagen bug? I have no idea, I just think it's pretty. Serious cleavage going on here. Serious. Wow, go Chloe. It's wasted, as Clark is unconscious. Sitting down, Chloe chats uncomfortably, then pulls out a pretty piece of pink paper. Chloe breaks my heart in a variety of ways while she tells Clark how she feels. She stares down at him, caressing his forehead, while I get misty-eyed. Clark looks like he's coming conscious and she begins to smile, but the dummy says Lana.
This boy is the most oblivious boy on the PLANET. Dear God.
Jonathan, looking very very manly, pulls on his coat with manly movements while walking out of the house. Clark, adorable and wrapped in a blanket (I want to cuddle him) runs out, asking where Jonathan is going. Jonathan says Helen says Martha isn't going to survive the night. Clark might die too, apparently, though that's only implied. After hearing Martha's muttering on the magic ship, he wants a miracle too, dammit. So he shall go get the key! Clark cries out, let me help! Because that would be practical. Can't have that. But in the tradition of Bruce Willis, Steven Segall, and far too many man-movies that seriously, when she gets back, Martha better cut off his supply, Jonathan goes off to be manly alone.
Flash to an army-like compound with people in uniform. A soldier-type person goes by. Way down at the bottom of the chain length fence that has no electrical current or barbed wire (why?), we see Jonathan's fingers holding the fence together. He is cutting through! Manly! Just like Bruce Willis! Without the bombs. Or the torn shirt, thank you God. They need to work on security at CDC, seriously. Jonathan gets right in and he is very manly. Very. Also, how does he know where to go? Are there signs?
After minimal shuffling, Jonathan finds the flour bin, then the key. But wait! Drama! Jonathan is caught! No, Clark knocks security guy out! I'm not at all worried about cameras in this place, are you? Clark looks like shit, yet incredibly hot. Jonathan and Clark start to run. No! Alarm! You're kidding. Clark and Jonathan run. Cleverly, Jonathan and Clark take the truck WITH the ship parked outside and make a run for it. Car chase! YES! BRUCE WILLIS' SPIRIT IS AMONG US!
Dramatic cut. Martha opens her eyes, gasps, and instantly flatlines.
Cut. Dramatic car chase in progress. Helicopters are involved. Lots of lights. I'm feeling this odd sense of how this would go if they were chasing Clark the Alien. Seriously, this is cool.
Cut. Helen comes in to check Martha. Flatline still. Helen looks perturbed. Code Blue, she says. I have watched ER. I think this is where they start cutting people open.
Commercial to break the tension.
The car chase continues. This is so cool. Behind them, helicopter and army people and lights, lights lights! Drama! I'm a slut for car chases. Then before them, a blockade! Police and people with guns. I'm in shock. The truck skids to a stop and I contemplate the idea that this is a dream sequence.
They guns are trained on the vehicle. The door opens. Oh my God. It's Pete with nothing under the Magic Tarp!
Cut to hospital. Again. Martha being given elector shock.
In another truck Jonathan and Clark bring the ship to the hospital. The old switcharoo! That was cool. And that plan was Clark's, I think, since he isn't seeped in the Bruce Willis tradition and likes having help, and I'm impressed. Go Clark! Clark is looking not so good, but still hot. The Magic Tarp is removed from the ship. Jonathan puts the key in the ship. In the middle of the parking lot. In full view of the windows. Where anyone can see. The ship glows and rises into the air. Maybe just the proximity of the Magic Tarp keeps people from seeing the ship.
Martha is pronounced dead by Helen. No one really believes it. We just saw the ship.
The glow of the ship washes Magical Light through the hospital. The blind see, lambs frolic, lame walk, dead arise. Okay, no, we don't see that, but why not exactly? Martha returns from the grave. Helen looks pleased. Yet I do not hear more people screaming of miracles and this is just annoying.
Clark's better. Ship magically goes back down into truck once it's done what it's supposed to do. Do I really need to throw a fit about this one?
No one goes outside. No one looks out the window. Okay, this is just killing me.
Cut to later. Helen shows an ultrasound of the baby. She says it's fine. She gives Kent family looks and says it's a miracle. Also wants to know what's in Clark's blood. Jonathan makes miracle noises, apparently thinking that Helen is a fucking moron. Helen looks skeptical. I really do like her.
Outside, two cars pull up beside each other. Huh. A mousy, nervous man hands over a file to Lex. It's Martha Kent's. Okay, did this make sense? It doesn't. It really, really doesn't. She's a friend, he says, and drives off. This still makes no sense. I mean, seriously.
Back to Helen's office. Lex says he talked to Clark (you're kidding. No, of course we didn't need to see that on-screen.) He says that Clark told him that Martha is fine. Helen nods. Lex mentions John Hopkins again, then gives her a box. I don't like where this is going. Helen asks lightly if this is a going away present. I don't trust that smile, Helen. But it's a very large key. Lex asks Helen to move in with him. Helen looks overcome and they kiss. Kind of boring. Helen thinks. Hmm. Pure research. Clark. Blood. Strange disease. I can't prove it, but the anvils are there.
Lana and Chloe talk. Lana says she couldn’t visit Clark when he was sick. Chloe and Lana agree about realizing the importance of people when they are close to death. Because neither of them have had any near-death or death-related experiences in the last year. Right. Chloe makes a snarky comment and Lana looks confused, Chloe very sad. Chloe goes home. Lana picks up some trash and finds the pink note Chloe wrote to Clark. Reads it, because the plot requires it. Looks sad. Everyone's sad here. This is depressing.
Flash to fundraiser, where there is music. I'm bored. Pete is DJ. Clark shows up and Pete is pleased to see him and gives him a CD. Oh look, product placement for the Talon mix soundtrack! Dear God, they could not be more obvious if they tried. I actually spit out soda as they lingered on the CD clutched in Clark's hand. That was so funny!
Chloe and Clark talk, Lana and Clark talk. Insert semi-angsty, oblivious, weird conversation from almost any episode here.
Yes, that really is it. Not one onscreen Clex scene, unless you count Lex spending an inordinate amount of time around the hospital. Seriously.
Now, things to ponder.
Magic Math; Martha got healed during Tempest/Vortex, in Mayish. She was pregnant enough to know it by Ryan, which was I think set Octoberish/Novemberish at best guess. Now, she had no reason to think she could get pregnant, so I'm guessing it didn't even occur to her until she missed a period or two. Probably two, because again, this is after about twenty years of knowing she's infertile, it is NOT going to be the first thing to pop into her head. That would mean she was eight weeks or so by Ryan, and that's if I'm being very strict with time tables here. That would make her, at this time, five and a half to six months pregnant, at minimum. Assuming she did not get pregnant until August/September or so, pre- or just post-Heat. *grins* I theorize that the make-up sex after the Desiree incident lead to this, but hey, I'm kind of vulgar like that.
Jonathan and Clark, who live with her, do not notice either weight gain or anything else. *shakes head* Oblivious, oblivious, oblivious. And how long was she going to hide it? Until the baby arrived? And for that matter, HOW was she hiding it now?
I knew this was coming, but it still annoys me a LOT.
Helen: bets on her researching Clark are being taken now.
Also? Helen and the baby aren't making it to season three, unless I'm really really mistaken. Which I'm kind of hoping I could be.
There were so many plot contrivances that I stopped counting. This is not alien technology, this is a Magic Ship, given to us by Fairies or something. Wouldn't that explain a lot? It reads minds, does things on cue like rise and heal then fall, you know, even though in Vortex, it just went after Clark, it heals the sick, but only those specifically sick that it wants to and avoids those that aren't. It also somehow is responsible for the Magic Toxic Dust.'
I have a headache. Gah.
Visage is starting to look better. No, seriously. At least then, we got bizarre behavior.
I think I shall obsess myself with Lucas icons now.