Seperis (seperis) wrote,

on too much thinking

It feels really tacky to meta on your own fic when you're still in-progress and oh my God the *remixes rock*, but let me just state for the record, I have never, ever, in my entire fanfic career, enjoyed writing anything as much as I'm enjoying Crimes Against Humanity.

Also, for the record, quick rec on another remix, of auburnnothenna's You Must Remember This, titled You Must Remember This (The Same Old Story Remix). The sheer desperation and the feeling of time running out--wow. Serious wow. It is definitely a worthy remix to an amazing story.

I don't actually have a kink for prison fic, but I figured that creating new kinks is part of my duty as a well-rounded fangirl with multiple intersts and tastes. A Renaissance fangirl, if you will.

What's really getting me off is sitting down and being able to say, I think everyone should be wearing torture collars, because then I can randomly strike people down in the halls and don't have to wait for an outside enemy. Or, huh, you know, it would have been a lot more fun if the interrogation from Critical Mass was carried out with real enjoyment of all the fun inherent. And ooh, *explosions*, pretty! Which goes to show fandom has completely and utterly corrupted me in all ways. It's different from writing a combined AU using MirrorDimension fic, or even go and change one thing back in the past--I usually feel some need to *explain* why Universe B is such a mess, or such a better place. Here? No reasons.

Hmm. I keep thinkng about the three darkest stories of any length I've written--A Handful of Dust, which is dark but honestly, from Clark's pov, that place is sunshine and puppies in roses, you know?--Jus Ad Bellum, where I spent amazing amounts of time trying to make a statement--and it will never stop freaking me out a little that I started posting that just before 9/11--and Absolute Zero, which was the first time I seriously, seriously tried to write explicit torture. I used flashbacks and medical reports to gloss it to myself, but it says a lot about it that I flinch when re-reading it.

But thinking about it, I always had an *excuse* somewhere in my head, even if it was flimsy one, and that excuse dictated the level I was willing to suspend disbelief in what I was writing. So Jus Ad Bellum never got the sections of flashbacks to the labs where experimentation actually occurred, just the injuries catalogued and the emotional scars shown. It feels like Crimes doesn't have those kinds of limits, and a part of me, the part of me that kind of worries about going over the top, gets beat down a lot by the voice that says, you stripped them of their morals, their inner sense of humanity, and some of their sanity. They don't *have* limits. They have goals and want to achieve them in the most direct way, and the most direct way is going to appeal to their sincere lack of ability to empathize.

The one thing I did that I'm kinda still wondering about is bonding John immediately to Rodney, but I had this hugely practical reason for it, in that John's *nuts* and if I don't connect him up with someone fast, he'll have no brakes at all, and setting John Sheppard loose in Atlantis without a leash feels like possibly the very worst idea in history. On one hand--God, the death count. On the other--this story will be very short if everyone bonds together to kill him off the bat in a fit of self-preservation when he just gets way too enthusiastic with the armory. And frankly, John, cut off from his people in Earth with nothing to do and a lot of time to do it in, would instantly appreciate the man who created his bombs, who talks in death tolls and damage reports, who loves destruction just as much as John does, though he has better control of himself. He can connect with Elizabeth as his leader, but that personal connection that makes him more than just the living embodiment of chaos, with someone who can channel his tendencies and curb him when necessary--yeah. I liked that

I'm taking a short nap, my head is killing me. Final note: read the remixes! I'm about halfway through SGA and seriously, they rock. Smallville next. *bounces*
Tags: meta: my fic, recs: stargate:atlantis 2006, sga: crimes against humanity
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