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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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topic one, topic two (1/2)
aladdin!john
seperis
Okay. *cracks knuckles*

Topic One: amireal suggested bagels and cream cheese.

My response: Yum?

Topic Two: _minxy - Bore me about badfic. Tell me what needs to happen to make badfic readable, and what takes it into 'oh god, no!' territory, and when it becomes so bad it's sporkable.

and

eretria - Well, since you already offered: Badfic.
Your top 10 pet-peeves in fic.
Your top 10 bulletproof kinks in fic.


Ooh, my favorite topics!



When I was in diaryland and making two to three entries a day, I used to cover this like, once a week. And every time, it was different. Because I have learned to embrace the concept of badfic. Even celebrate it. And then I go through periods of time reading QaF's archives and cry cry cry.

But let's do the short list of things that, in general, will make people on their deathbed spend their last precious seconds of life ranting how they lost those ten minutes to reading a story.

The Badfic Test - or, things read in the last two months that have shortened my life considerably:

1.) I won't even start on characterization, because that is a fool's argument and can only lead to tears and brand new grudges. But. This is just an example. If at any time, any male is crying hysterically over his feelings? You may have written a badfic. If it happens every chapter? Please start an antidepressant soon. You are worrying me.

2.) Rule of thumb; mpreg. We all write it and read it. Yes, even you, no matter what you tell your friends. But let's do this. When you are describing the labor and delivery--wait. Why are you describing the labor and delivery? Fandom is majority women. Most of us have done it, seen it done, or have close female relatives who will give us the three hour hideously anatomically correct lecture. Seriously. Unless that baby is coming out by transporter clean and shiny, let's use the vaseline lens.

I like the minimalistic approach; then the baby was born. All fluids, tearing, mutilation, or multi-paragraph descriptions of the state of the area it came out of? They don't need their own chapter. Promise.

3.) Seriously. No crying over feelings. However--Rodney may cry over a ZPM and John may cry over a puddlejumper. Ronon may cry over his hair, if you can convince me there's ever a good reason for it to upset him. I make exceptions for true love. BUT ONLY THEN.

4.) OH MY GOD IT IS WANTON OKAY? PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD.

5.) Rodney is not fat. No, he really isn't. No, really, he's *not*. John is practically a male anorexic and Ronon's some kind of vaguely god-like presence sent to make the screen prettier, and lets face it, Zelenka is tiny and elf-like, and btw, anyone write Elf!Zelenka fic yet? They are not typical man-shapes. Rodney is not fat. Please write this ten times ten to the tenth power ten times over and then you may start your magnum opus again. Not. Fat.

Taking break, brb.


5.) Rodney is not fat.

THANK YOU.

(Deleted comment)
Yes! And this is crazy-making! And not only do they call him fat, they have him being all self-conscious and insecure about it!

Sorry. Have read stories like that and they drive me nuts. Sadly, one was by an author whose stories I have liked in another fandom.

(Deleted comment)
5.) Rodney is not fat

*sacrifices things in your honor*

There needs to be elf!Zelenka fic. Now *looks around, foot tapping*

Rodney is not fat. No, he really isn't. No, really, he's *not*. John is practically a male anorexic and Ronon's some kind of vaguely god-like presence sent to make the screen prettier, and lets face it, Zelenka is tiny and elf-like
I gotta say, you rock to the tenth power of infinity. Really.

OH MY GOD IT IS WANTON OKAY? PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD.

*dies laughing*

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who, upon reading a sentence like, "He gave him a look of wonton longing," thinks "Mmmm, dinner!"

Yes! I want Chinese food, not sex at that poinnt. Then I start looking for take-out menus.

5.) Rodney is not fat.

And furthermore, he sure as hell does not *think* that he is fat, or unattractive. Rodney may be a little unsure of himself when it comes to dating (OK, a lot unsure, though I thought he was actually quite charming in his toast to Katie), but low self-esteem? *So* not one of his problems.

He's got a little belly, people! That's not fat, that's (*#%-ing adorable!

In conclusion: WORD.

4.) OH MY GOD IT IS WANTON OKAY? PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD

Oh, that's a favorite of mine, guaranteed to get at least a snort.
Or, he "ran his hand across his taunt thigh." Is his thigh saying "neener neener neener?" It's "taut!!"

Or his taught thigh!

Reading, writing, or 'rythmatic?

Um, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. YES.

I'd have to agree. And really about Rodney not being fat. Really. That drives me crazy.

I like the idea of embracing badfic. Yeah. Go for it! I'm here because of the kid!John fic, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Heh.

Double chins? What double chins? I remember reading a fic that mentioned them and since then I've looked, but nope, not a sign of them. Am I missing something? Heh.

6. If you have to look up the meaning of/or synonymn of a word for "dick" or "cock"

Stop. Just. Stop. Put the porn down. Back away from the fic. And go sit in a corner.

Please tell me that doesn't happen. Please.

(Deleted comment)
The people who think Rodney is fat have never seen the naked pics from Century Hotel. I am of the belief that, most men, other than Tom Welling (who should just walk around naked all the time), are much better looking with clothing on. In fact, the more layers the better.

David Hewlett is one of the few exceptions (other than Tom Welling) - the man has a gorgeous naked body, nicely proportioned and his ass is to die for.

No, DH-Rodney isn't ripped - he obviously doesn't go to the gym three times a day to work out. He's a little soft around the middle - but fat? NO. He looks like a normal weight (165) six foot tall guy in his late thirties who prefers computers to repelling down cliffs ::looking at the uber-skinny JF::.

There should be bodyimage!John fic.

Where John has (since getting to Pegasus) been doing the getting in shape routine too much.

*measures JF's pecks and graphs their progress from season one*

And there could be an intervention!



4.) OH MY GOD IT IS WANTON OKAY? PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD.


Or, as I say, if your sex scene makes me want Chinese food, there's SOMETHING WRONG HERE.

Oh yes. WRONG WRONG SO OMG WRONG

4.) OH MY GOD IT IS WANTON OKAY? PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD
As opposed to what? *confused*

Ah, never mind, I just read the post above mine. :)

1.) I won't even start on characterization, because that is a fool's argument and can only lead to tears and brand new grudges. But. This is just an example. If at any time, any male is crying hysterically over his feelings? You may have written a badfic. If it happens every chapter? Please start an antidepressant soon. You are worrying me.

Oh jeez, this is my biggest peeve in any fanfic ever. John does something that upsets Rodney and Rodney sobs. John cries in public onto Elizabeth's shoulder because Rodney is injured - I read that paragraph in a fic three times because I thought I was hallucinating. I also would include any scene which has them *screaming* and/or shrieking at each other about their feelings - it might be a badfic. Just possible. Oh god.

I think one of my favorite lines in a fic was something to the order of Rodney looking at John in horror and saying, "Are we going to talk about our feelings now?" Hee!

And yes, describing Rodney as "solid" is acceptable. Describing him as "fat" is not. And he does *not* eat twice his weight in food at each meal.

And yes, describing Rodney as "solid" is acceptable.

In fact, if you're me, it's pretty happy-making. *g* (Those shoulders, those arms, that broad back! Yum.)