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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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children of dune - leto 1
Sometimes, I want to bang on a story until it just--works. I mean, print it out, sit it on my bed, and *jump* until either it's a crumpled mess or I gain enlightment through ink absorption through the soles of my feet. And you know, I think it just might work.

After a scary few days of oh my God die everyone (people, I was going to re-read Smallville story Grail's Immortality. The one that guts you slowly with a spoon? Remember that one? The one I have yet, after *four years*, to be able to read again?) and that, people, *that* is when you know you either need to admit you have a problem and go rewatch the end of Titanic, or invest in weapons grade chocolate.

I'd like you all to meet Duncan Hines, who is my new tasty best friend. Sanity at a dollar forty five plus eggs, oil, and water.

Regaining my sense of humor, I'm re-reading Refraction. The problem I'm having is--I have *read this*. I know I have. I mean, I remember going into hugely excited convulsions--PLOT! ACTION! GOA'ULD! PLOT! I'm a plot whore. But I don't remember *any of it*, and seriously, I suck at so many things, but my memory for fanfic is like ninety-nine percent. I can remember things I read in *Voyager*. I can *quote* things I read in Voyager still. So....

*shakes head* It's all brand new. Please excuse me. I'm going to purr now.

ADDED: Okay, now that luvmax1 has weighed in with Koi's Mercy--what's the story you can't read again? It did horrible things to you (in a good fic way, not a never-will-think-of-corn-oil-the-same-way way), it broke your heart, it required epic chocolate, etc.

For me, the story I can't bear to reread is Koi's "Mercy". That one just gets me everytime.

I can totally see that. It--hurts me. I have to *skim* to get through bits, and it *hurts* like hell. The ending makes up for it mostly, but getting there--God. Yeah.

The one Auburn wrote, SGA, where the team gets sort of absorbed into each other's minds? And they're so completely alone when it's reversed and nobody around them gets it. It's so good, and I'll never go near it again.

Oh God, that one--that was yeah, that place. I just wanted to cry at the end. That one and her Rosebud. *sighs*

Te's Past Grief. That one tore me apart. And Koi's Mercy, too.

*grins* Oh man, Past Grief--I love that one, and it *stuck* to me for--well, even now. God.

Leave No Scar by Nifra and Yellow Means Slow by Pru. I had to look for scary happy-happy-joy-joy music after that in an attempt to put a stop to the hysterical sobbing over my poor keyboard.

*twitch* Yes. Oh yeah.

Kat Allison's End of the Road. It's DS and noone dies...and yet :-)

Though Immortality and Mercy are darn good contenders for me as well!

(and I think I can handle the devastating if it's short enough that they are my guys but in a more general sense and thus I can make it up with another story...but if the story's long I get invested in *that version* and it's more upsetting...)

Longer tends to--yeah, you get caught up too much in that universe. And once you do....

*nods* With you.

Pru's Edges.

Only I have lines from it burned into my brain, and so I don't even have to read it for it to break me. Dammit.

...I still haven't read that one. I'm saving it for a really *really* need-pain-now day. Cause whoa, it will hurt.

Speaking of which, are you following her Three Fates series?

Grr. That was supposed to be in the Auburn discussion. *pokes LJ*

Funny you should ask...

Like everyone else in the world, I was emotionally wrecked by Syne's Freedom's Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose, which ripped my guts out, wrestled them to the ground and stomped the crap out of them to the point that I *literally* required chocolate to function. I even took a picture to capture the moment of my complete emotional fall out.

The only other thing I've encountered that wrecked me to that extent was your Atlantis Project AU, which I devoured, cluelessly going along, happy as a clam until I hit the end and then I just sat there totally numb and blinking and thinking, "okay, wait. WAIT! What just happened here? NO NO NO..." at which point I was so upset I had to drive down the street to the 24 hour Walgreens at 1:15 a.m. for a bag of miniature Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, which I ate most of while in a fetal position on my couch, cursing my friend who pimped me into this fandom. I'm telling you, I love those three stories beyond measure -- like, top five AU EVER in any fandom -- but wow. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to read them again. I couldn't stop thinking about them for days.

So um...you don't know me by the way, but you do have significant feedback coming from me very soon on a multitude of stories. I'm new to the SGA neighborhood, so it's very nice to meet you. : )

Re: Funny you should ask...

I'm still refusing to believe Jenn's Altantis Project AU is finished. There will be a next part where happiness happens. There will. There will. ::clicks ruby-red slippers together:: It just hasn't been written yet. And that will *remain* my take on it until it does get written. Or Death. Whichever happens first.

You really /don't/ want to go there, but Benway's stories take the cake, drag it through the mud, kill it horribly, and make you visualize it all with crystal clarity.

Actually, I can't recall ever having had the guts to re-read Handful of Dust, either, but the thing with Benway is that I've read two, maybe three of them and now I take the temptation to go back for any of the others as a sign I need to sleep, or maybe call home and talk to my mom.

From SG1 - Willemakee by Mary Jane makes me teary just thinking about it.

I have an old hard drive filled with SG-1.
It's what got me into FF.
Read it again and nooooooooooo.
Jack-Daniel. Good to read and drink.

Maybe I'm a sick Suz, but I *love* re-reading Immortality. It tears me to pieces, but I love it.

Yeah, I'm a sick Suz. I'm also an angst!whore ;D

There's a QAF fic where the ending just...GAH! I don't have the link here, but I'll find it later and post it.

I'm seconding cathexys's vote of katallison's The End of the Road. So, so good, but I could never read it again.

Oh, god, Mercy. I re-read that every once in a while, and it's like being kicked in the stomach every single time. Y'know, in a good way.

I've never again made it all the way through basingstoke's Big Rock Candy Mountain -- it just rips me up. Likewise, rivkat's Ceremony of Innocence. Oh. And that SGA thing rageprufrock wrote, where Rodney cheats on John, which traumatised me so badly I've blocked the title from my mind? That one, too.

Of course, now I have the perverse urge to go and try to read all of those again...

I just read Big Rock Candy Mountain for the first time last night (I stupidly didn't realise how long it was at first and wound up staying awake until 2am because OMG MUST KNOW HOW IT ENDS) snd I can second that one so much right now. *twitch*

Also, Directional Theory (the Rodney cheats on John story) has the dubious honour of being the first fic that made me cry without anyone actually dying, being tortured, etc.

Mine's an X-Men story. Caducity by vagabond_sal. http://community.livejournal.com/xmmff/52244.html (I'd put the actual link in, but it'll just be messed up.)


I can't even read it.

It's in my memories, for when I can. If ever. I lost my grandfather to the effects of Alzethimers. *i'm starting to cry now*

There have been alot of fics that touched me, made me cry. Broke me apart and put me back together.

this one breaks me apart without me even reading it. I'm kinda scared of the day that I will be able to read it. And yet, I think I'm going to try.

Oh man. *winces* I--*bookmarks it warily*

I still cry every time I reread Yellow Means Slow by Pru. I don't sob as badly as I did that first time it ripped out my heart but, yeah, I still tear up no matter what at the end.

I *Still* have not read that. Pru hurts me when she's trying to be happy, you know? So no Pru-death-fic. Just no.