To preface: if you are a fat-free milk, or fat-free anything person, go you! You are healthier than I am. And also have very, very different taste buds. I mean this in the spirit of tolerance and love for my fellow man.
Who. Keeps. Buying. The. Fat. Free. Milk?
Okay, I have hit my ceiling for understanding those who live with me, live near me, or in some capacity feed me. This includes restaurants that keep offering me *fat free blackberry pie* and *fat free cheesecake* and God help us all and every one, *fat free chocolate*, because that's like going up to a rancher and expecting no steaks on the grill. I am that person. I am in the fat-food zone.
Just--it's *white water*, not milk. Once, someone tried to trick me by putting the fat free milk in a whole milk container. I KNEW! And I always know. I know when my cheese is low calorie, I know when my milk is sucked of all fatty goodness and by God and every saint in the catalogue, this has got to stop now. I now navigate my favorite food aisle of all, teh frozen dinners, surrounded by Lean Cuisines that get like, fifty lockers, and yesterday, my son expressed a desire for fat free frozen yogurt. (and how the hell do you spell that?)
The betrayal is *breathtaking*.
I'm going to have to farm my own fat, aren't I? I'll be the last one, buying up the last of the high calorie mayonaisse and raising my own sad little cows and they keep *giving me fat-free chicken breasts* and I feel like this is some kind of really bad movie where everyone si trying to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure and make me healthy and I dn't *want* to be, by God. And for that matter, my blood pressure is low enough, thank you, and if it wasn't, well, I'll trade my blood pressure for whole milk, whipped cream, and fully-sugared, fully-buttered, covered in vanilla bean ice cream chocolate brownies, and I DON'T CARE.
As you can see, this hasnt' been one of my better food days.
Oh, look, Atlantis fic! *points*
The Gun Thing by out_there - because some people still love me and write me kinky fic, and I'm all, ooh, because *pretty weapons* and *pretty John* and these things go together very much. Yes. Happy. Read now.