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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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*grumbles*
flying pig
seperis
Also, while I'm feeling invulnerable and rather grumpy.

Thing I Really Wish People Would Stop Doing

For the love of God, random capitalization without rhyme or reason must stop. It's the reading equivalent of nails on the chalkboard. I'm not pointing to a specific fandom here or anything (smallville) or pairing (Lex/Lana), but hey, if this applies to you? Seriously, quit that. Lex is naked. I'm kinda your bitch until you start doing that.

Any time you are adding on extra body parts, explain what the hell they are doing there. My tentacle mpreg strategy didn't just appear by magic, people. There was porn, and then suddenly, there were tentacles, and if you want to make me cry, you'll tell me how I should be more open minded, because I'm open minded, but seriously. Tentacles. Just there. For no discernible reason. So didn't see that coming. I understand the joy of shocking your readers. But making them cry and foreswear all porn in the foreseeable future? Not so much with the good.

In author notes, do not ever tell me you have done anything you have written about, in detail. I really don't like you that much. I mean, I like some of you a lot, and all of you in different ways, but only a few of you are the ones I am going to be comfortable, or stupid enough with, to say, please, tell me more of your six person and whipped cream orgy that's just like that WiP you are working on. Yeah, so. I'm reading your porn. I do not need your sexual history too. Unless I'm very drunk. Then I won't remember. So see, just ask me if I'm drunk before you do that.

I'm serious about that wonton thing. Stop that. That's really really getting on my nerves. And also, making me go from ooh, pretty, to ooh, Chinese food.

Honey is not good lube, and where the hell did *that* come from? Is there some huge, multifandom challenge of all the things that shouldn't be lube out there and some brave souls are trying to write each one?

I'll think of more later. Anyone want to come play with me? I am lonely, and also, trying to write, and also, really, do you want these posts to continue until I can finally fall sleep? Cause y'all, so far, the forecast says the frantic energy *isn't going away*.


My husband told me to reply "Laissez les wontons roulez!" Shall I smack him for you?

Aww, now I'm hungry again. So not good.

*sighs*

*giggles a lot*

I'm serious about that wonton thing.

The second I read that I desperately wanted Chinese. Now I'm starving.

I'm reading your porn. I do not need your sexual history too.

I'm sort of amazed and shocked that people would mention that on a story-post. I mean, yes, *maybe*, possibly, its the type of thing you'd mention to a close friend on AIM, but posting for the whole fannish world to read...? Um. No.

I'm sort of amazed and shocked that people would mention that on a story-post. I mean, yes, *maybe*, possibly, its the type of thing you'd mention to a close friend on AIM, but posting for the whole fannish world to read...? Um. No.

I don't think there's anything that makes good porn bad like realizing this is a very strange author insert story of a kind. Cause wow. So no.

Perhaps it's their way of compensating for being turned down for an appearance on the Jerry Springer show. Or....cheap therapy? Maybe converting to Catholicism and confessing their sexual exploits to a hot, young, priest would do the trick, thereby sparing us all the ick factor?

And hey! Are you already bored with your new mixer?????? *clenches jaw mightily against nagging for Somewhere verse fic* *chants* "Not going to ask!" "Not going to ask!"

Perhaps it's their way of compensating for being turned down for an appearance on the Jerry Springer show. Or....cheap therapy? Maybe converting to Catholicism and confessing their sexual exploits to a hot, young, priest would do the trick, thereby sparing us all the ick factor?

Yes, please. Or hell, just label it original porn and go for it. I dont' need a roleplay here in my porn. A really scary roleplay.

And hey! Are you already bored with your new mixer?????? *clenches jaw mightily against nagging for Somewhere verse fic* *chants* "Not going to ask!" "Not going to ask!"

Trying! Promise!

Soap. Shower sex, while not something I'll buy in bulk because hi, slippery and lack of room to manuever, I can appreciate every now and then. Using soap for lube? Not so much. Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression, let's think of the suds for a moment, people. The suds. I don't know if sex is a sudsy activity, but it's all I can think about every time someone reaches for the soap.

You have a point.

Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression,

I spit coffee for that phrase. Oh God. *still giggling* Yes. So a point there.

You know, now that you mention it, the suds are a serious problem. That would--I mean, it would cut out some activity with the entire wow, mouthfuls of suds thing that will occur.

Huh.

I don't like when authors feel the need to tell me that this is their first fic EVER and/or that it's really bad or that they didn't spell check or beta it. I'm not going to read your story if you say any of those things. What are they thinking?

*grind teeth* Yes. And never say no spellcheck. Just don't. Let us all beleive that your word processing thing just, you know, *broke down* or something. Don't advertise.

*stops grinding to save jaw*

I never thought you were racist. Frankly I'm shocked. I would never have guessed you were tentaclephobic.

Hmph.

You make me sick.

*snickers* It's more like a dread, really.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
It's like you're psychically intuiting my nightmares here. Wow.


See this just makes me think you really do like tentacle porn. You complain about it far too often for me to believe you. Frankly it seems a little forced. Times have changed, tentacle porn is in now.

I know some stories are meant to be AU, but there's AU and then there's *AU*. I dislike poor stories that veer *wildly* from the basic characteristics. Can anyone imagine Lex calling Lana his little 'piggy'? It seems forced and strange; even for an AU story.

Okay, nightmare #2--Lex calling Lana his little piggy.

Oh dear God.

Mmmm. Wontons. Mmmm. Honey. Now I'm hungry, too.

Tentacle mpreg? LOL! Links! Where are the links?

I will neither lead horses to water or make them drink. I will *hold their heads* from the scary water, even.

Plus, I'm pretty sure the trauma blocked it from my mind.

You still awake? Cause I just got online and there is no sign of you.

Ha! Forget that, cause I fell asleep like ten minutes later.

For the love of God, random capitalization without rhyme or reason must stop.


Okay, now does that include the email I wrote you?

Cos if it does I am SO ashamed right now.

It is at moments like this that I wish I did live journal so I could underscore the point with a cute little picture. Maybe a really sad looking penguin would do the trick.

Also, that thing about you being tentaclephobic was not me. Jenn and the word sick at no point, *NO* point, would ever enter the same sentence.

Alex

No, no, no--see, you'd understand if you've seen teh stories Iv'e seen--where it's like--tehre aren't words. I mean, there are words, but they are capitalized and it's *scary*. You do not walk out of that unscarred.

It is at moments like this that I wish I did live journal so I could underscore the point with a cute little picture. Maybe a really sad looking penguin would do the trick.

*grins* You seem fun. Get a livejournal! Very easy, promise. *nodnodnod*

Also, that thing about you being tentaclephobic was not me. Jenn and the word sick at no point, *NO* point, would ever enter the same sentence.

*snickers* I never doubted you.

Get an LJ! It's FUN! PROMISE!

Seconding lastscorpion here: please post links!

It's been too long since I've read truly good tentacle porn. :-)

Epic no here. You can go-- *points shakily*--and google to your heart's content. I? Am going to continue with the repression thing.

Honey is not good lube, and where the hell did *that* come from? Is there some huge, multifandom challenge of all the things that shouldn't be lube out there and some brave souls are trying to write each one?

I don't know if there is, but some days it certainly feels like it.

It's got to be some kihd of weird secret challenge going on. I mean, there can't be that many really scary people in the world. There just can't be.

Honey is not good lube

omg EW. That's just - EW!

Yes. Pretty much my entire reaction. Dear God, eww.

(Deleted comment)
*pets you* You can do it. Be strong. Be inspired. Have cocoa. That always helps me.

tentacles???

*snorts*

unexplained extra body parts...

*backs away slowly*

I'm very open-minded as well, but - I mean - you know - *shudders*
I can see it now,
naked lex, lovely porn and suddenly: the tentacle of doom!!!!

*snorts*

~contemplates*

*stars laughing and falls off chair*

~waves from the ground~