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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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ativan, trazidone, and digitek russian roulette
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Before anyone leaps to call a suicide hotline, *no*, I just had to look them up today. Well, so I could use one, and no, not the digitek.

This is a long story and doesn't improve upon retelling, but me and sleep have had issues for a while, since when I'm depressed, I sleep too much, and in between, have had a rather morbid terror of sleeping too much, which leads the other direction--abuse of stimulants. I honestly think the only thing that keeps me off the speedball-junkie track is my equally morbid terror of arrest and indictment. Seriously, nothing quite keeps one on the straight and narrow than A Certain Cousin's long term stays among the good Feds. So yeah. Anyway. We're going on twenty-seven hours and no sleep, which even for me is excessive, so I braved my bad memories of Ambien and asked my grandmother to borrow one of her sleeping pills.

Thing is, she has like, three kinds of sedatives. Well, two I can identify, anyway. She empties her pills into a plastic daily pill thingie, since she's on a bewildering array of prescriptions, including for her heart, which is good strategy, yes, but also kind of scary for us that can't ID pills on sight. She took three of one set and gave them to me with good wishes.

It's not that I don't trust my grandmother. I love her. I do not believe she would pull an X-Files Eve on me and feed me digitek by mistake. But. I am also me, who never accepted candy from strangers and used to cut my own Ambien script pill into quarters because of a Certain Incident We Shall Never Discuss. So. I sat down wiht three empty pill bottle and went looking up pill descriptions. By process fo elimination, we have ruled out that I'll be accidentlaly poisoned--it's definitely one fo the other two. Because I am anal, I lookd up teh side effects for both and am mostly comforted that I won't be zombie like tomorrow. I will, however, be rested. That is sounding like nirvana.

Right now, I honestly feel like I could go on in this particular form of exhausted purgatory for a very, very long time. It? Is not pretty.

Maybe add some warm milk. Hmm.

Okay, setting time, took it at 9:32 PM, now 9:50 PM, so far, no effect. I shall time this.


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*pulls Jenn into lap, covers with soft quilt, rocks to sleep* Oh baby, I'm going thru a similar experience, and man does it suckify! First clue for me is my spelling ability goes straight to hell. Sleeping pills are a blessing and a curse - they make me sleep, but I feel like a pod person when I wake, and one time I woke up in the middle of the night with a whopper of a visual hallucination of spiders, which was just loads of fun.....yeah, um fun. *eyes straight jacket nervously* Hot milk is good, and white noise helps sometimes.

*pulls Jenn into lap, covers with soft quilt, rocks to sleep*

*curls up in and sighs*

Oh baby, I'm going thru a similar experience, and man does it suckify! First clue for me is my spelling ability goes straight to hell.

*giggles* Oh man, my spelling in AIM is so bad anyway, I'm not sure anyone could tell. But yeah. I tend to get even more eclectic in letter choice once I hit a certain level of exhausted.

Sleeping pills are a blessing and a curse - they make me sleep, but I feel like a pod person when I wake, and one time I woke up in the middle of the night with a whopper of a visual hallucination of spiders, which was just loads of fun.....yeah, um fun. *eyes straight jacket nervously* Hot milk is good, and white noise helps sometimes.

Oh my God. SPIDERS? *shudders* Oh *man*--that would--no. Don't even want to *think* about that.

The milk I may try tonight. I have a sneaking suspicion that tonight isn't going to be any better. *sighs*

*lights up*

Eve reference = NEVER NOT FUNNY.

This much is a lethal dose!

I LOVE THAT EP SO MUCH!

I take Ativan for my panic attacks, it doesn't put me to sleep but it relaxes me enough so that I can sleep but it can take up to an hour to work, some times to help it along I put it under my tongue. I have no side effects in the morning just wake up well rested. Sweet dreams, I hope it works.

Hmm. That sounds *very* good.

*writes down for chat with doctor*

klonopin knocks me right out. .25mg makes me tired, .5mg puts me to sleep and 1mg knocks me out and leaves me feeling drugged the next day.

Klonopin? I havne't heard of that one.

*also writes down for doctor visit*

when i have random pills (generally found in plastic bags after traveling, bad habit, btw) i use this site to figure out what the mystery drugs are: http://www.drugs.com/pill_identification_drug_picture.html

it doesn't take too long and isn't too complicated to use. it also saves me from tossing pills just because i don't know what they are.

Ooh, you *rock*. Thank you! I spent--the sheer amount of *terrible websites* I hit by looking by script name? Dear God. *shudders*

Chronic insomniac here and yes, it sucks complete ass. I don't recommend Trazidone though, if I take one more than once (like two days in a row) I get the nightmares from hell.

::hugs:: I hope the sleep fairy comes soon.

Oooh. Really? Full blown nightmares?

*shudders* I will keep that in mind.

Full blown, horrid nightmares. Family members dying and shit like that. Never again man, never again.

Imovane. Only thing is, they're so bitter, they'll make you wish you were dead. And the bitter lasts for days.

I'm a chronic insomniac, and have been since university days. I find that getting up and doing something physical, rather than just reading or surfing the net, is helpful. The middle of the night is when most of my housecleaning gets done.

Hmm. You know, I've always heard the opposite, so I always resort to laying down and basically staring at the ceiling and/or surfing to try and relax. I may try room cleaning next time. God knows, it alwasy needs it.

I'm so sorry. I hope the tablets worked for you.

I've been having something similar after I had surgery 1+ month ago, so I sympathize.

*hugs you in solidarity*

O the evils of chronic insomnia. I completely feel your pain.

In my experience...well in my experience I can shake off just about anything but!

Ativan doesn't make me sleepy. Ativan just makes me not give a shit about anything. My favorite description of Ativan comes from a comparison between Ativan and Xanax. Ativan is like - "Oh. I'm on fire? Eh. Whatever. It's all good. *big grin*" and Xanax is like "What? WHAT?! I'm on fire? WHO THE *FUCK* CARES!!!!??? *maniacal laughter*"

Xanax is BAD. It's evil evil shit. But anyway, Ativan actually keeps me awake b/c I just don't care anymore about going to sleep. There's no motivation. But, on the other hand, Ativan makes 6' 4", broad-chested Boy pass out liek whoa.

Trazadone, I've never taken, but my best friend does - she's bipolar and has REALLY BAD mania and a fantastically well-developed sleep disorder. And Trazadone makes anything BUT sleeping a non-option.

I hope this helps! Good luck.

Xanax is BAD. It's evil evil shit.

How come? I got a few from my doc back when I had pneumonia because I was having "feelings of impending doom" (hey, ten days with a fever over 103 will do that to a person...). I take half a one (I don't even know what the mg dose is!) nights I *know* I'm not going to be able to get to sleep, and I have to say, it helps.

So please tell me why it's evil evil shit, because I was thinking of asking for a few more...

Well like most psych meds - evil is in the heart of the psycho...or something. That didn't come out right. *ahem* :) What I mean is, if you only have a few and would only take them once in a great while, it's ok - just like with any other drug.

So first, you want to look at your dose. From what I understand, something like 2-4mg is pretty high and usually what you're dealing with when any of the things below happen. In *my* experience with Xanax (which is at .5 to 1 mg) - now just me personally and several people/drug addicts I know - Xanax causes more problems than, say, cocaine. I have yet to see anyone end up better off from taking Xanax. This, of course, is worse the higher the dose gets. Even at a more or less daily dose of about .5mg it...

1) Is really REALLY addictive. Dependency is *very* easily achieved. Like all pain killers and anti-anxiety meds, it looses effectiveness quickly and you have to take more and more to get the same effect. To illustrate - a doctor can not legally STOP prescribing you Xanax if you've been on it for a while because (with moderate/large doses over time) withdrawl will cause seizures and even, at the *really* extreme end, death. They have to wean you off it and it's not pleasant. Xanax is also over-prescribed to a huge degree because it's cheap and, in the most blunt-force way, effective. It's probably the top "legal" drug to be circulating in the illegal drug trade because it's so addictive and easy to obtain.

2) It is an anti-anxiety medication so obviously it's supposed to tamp down your anxiety :). The problem is that it does this to the point where it takes away your inhibitions (even the good ones). Like you don't care at all what you say or do and this causes you to make really poor personal choices. You say things to people that you usually keep in the locked-up, poisonous, cruel parts of your heart with the things you Don't Actually Mean. You get really angry and mean and obnoxiously loud and don't even register it because...hey, you don't care - cause you're on Xanax. Though I was never addicted/taking it for long periods, this would happen to me if I took .5mg in an isolated incident - I inevitably had to apologise to people.

3) It makes your short-term memory go *POOF!* After taking that .5mg, I wouldn't remember much of anything I did from about an hour before I took it through several hours after it wears down. If someone reminds me of something specific, I might remember in a hazy way.

My best friend had a serious Xanax Problem and she's still missing months of her life. Months in which she was absolutely, reprehensibly HORRID to her friends and family (ex. - she called her mother a whore - to her face and meaning every inch of it) and managed to isolate herself in Houston with her abusive husband - cutting off all contact with her friends and family (who were in Oklahoma). They still hold it against her - and she largely can't remember any of it. This is a person who had a vibrant cocaine and meth addiction going on for a long time - and it was the Xanax that she regrets the most.

con't cause I got way more long-winded than I thought I would....

This is, of course, all at the extreme. But I've found that even in infrequent and small doses, the same things happen to a smaller degree. Xanax makes you callous and mean instead of calm and passive (like Ativan) while leading you to believe you're perfectly fine. I mean ALL anti-anxiety meds can cause addiction and they all do similar things. But Ativan, for example, works the same way, does the same things people take Xanax for, and it doesn't cause you to become a monster - if anything, you're *too* nice :). Klonopin is slightly less strong than Ativan/Xanax but also anti-anxiety. (I personally have a 'scrip for Kloponin and .5 of that from time to time works just fine.)

The only plus side I've ever experienced from Xanax is that it DOES make you sleep. We call it - The Xanax Coma. :) You WILL fall asleep, it'll drag you down (after a while, naturally, you can shake it off) and keep you there for hours and hours. I found it next to impossible to wake up again actually...

So, I mean, small doses taken only once in a while will not do this to you, but you should be really very cautious. It's the most addictive and evil drug, second only to heroin, I've ever had experience with. Be as cautious as you would be with oxycontin or morphine or something - it's of that caliber. Sadly, I've known a lot of drug addicts. I've seen and known a lot of people on a lot of legal and illegal drugs and my contention is that Xanax is Teh Ev0lest of All.

Wow, that was a lot more than I meant to write. *laughs* I hope it helps! I wish peace and calm for you :)

Re: con't cause I got way more long-winded than I thought I would....

It helps a LOT, Mona! Thanks for being so thorough!

Looks like the wisest thing for me to do would be go back to my trusty Calms Forte, which doesn't pack a punch like the Xanax, but also appears to be less likely to lead me down a path of temptation.

It also sounds like if I ever get impending feelings of doom again, the thing to ask for is ativan. :)

*hugs* Thanks for the info!

You're welcome! I hope you find sleep soon with a minimum of pharmaceutical help. Nothing is worse than insomnia and anxiety. *hugs*

Jenn, you're alive, right?

Yep, survived, took I think the tramadone. It didn't--work very well, but I did finally get to sleep, so yay!

Yay! Talk to you later!

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